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I think it is rude if people don't respond with a thankyou, manners costs nothing, although I am someone who is responsible for not replying straight away as I am also usually studying when I use this site. I am sure if anyone who reads this and knows they are gulity will know never to repeat the offence. Maybe they should don't realise that it does take time and money. Sorry, I am always the mediator! x

I will echo Heather here. I've had some great help, look-ups and advice, from people on here, that's saved me loads of money too. I have rellies all over the country & it would be really expensive & time consuming visiting all the different records offices. I'm still quite new to all this (but like to think I'm a quick learner LOL) I know there's still loads of stuff I don't know. Reading these threads shows that people have expertise in different areas, I think those who have been doing it a lifetime will acknowledge even they can't know EVERYTHING. I wonder if the Internet has made it all seem too easy, so that some of the people asking for help genuinely don't realise how time-consuming and/or expensive it is?

I feel a bit guilty sometimes when I have asked for a look up on someones very long thread such as bvri and having checked it a few times to see if they have got round to me, the thread goes off the page and sometimes I forget to recheck again until days later and see that they have checked but found nothing. I always thank them, but I wonder if they feel badly that I havent seen it quicker. I apologise if I have upset anyone, but its me age Im afraid. I have to say some people are dreadfully rude, you flog yourself to death looking up stuff and you dont get a word of acknowledgement. I think this is such a wonderful site, I dont know what I would have done without the experienced people who have not only found me info I would never even know how to get (i.e. going to LMA) but also have saved me a great deal of money. I am always very aware that I owe them so very much and I do hope Ive always shown that appreciation.

I just think it would be so easy for the poster to post their request and then add something like 'will check for replies tomorrow, next week, next month, or whatever' if they don't have time to hang around for a reply. At least we would know not to expect a response from them straight away. And if they do only come back to the boards after a week or a month or some such, then there is no need to put 'desperate' or 'urgent' in the title. Kath. x

Hi Betty As you can see from the Durham Lookups thread.... There are some people who... when you request more information..as where to find a Baptism or marriage...etc ..took place... they dont even bother and look back at the thread until after the visit and wonder why their request has not been looked at.... Last year I spent a lot of time looking up the info finding the families on census or whatever before I even got to the point of going to the records Office.. I was having to private message people to get more information... Now if people dont read what I put on my first thread board.. If no extra info comes... I leave the request.. people should post what they they know about the families..where they were etc..which would save me loads of time in looking for the information especially when people already have that info at hand Simple as that... I dont stress over it.. I just get on with the ones who supply the information that is needed.. Mo Everyone is new on these boards at one point or another... I was once and I had to go make tea and I was really hurt by what was said to me.. I was only away from the comp for 10 mins.. I took it in my stride and got on with it.. People cannot sit at their computers 24 - 7 and these boards are very daunting when you first become a member..so a lot of people allow for that... But there is no need for people to be rude and not say Thanks.. THANKS COST YOU NOTHING but MEANS EVERYTHING TO THE PERSON WHO HAS DONE THE REQUIRED LOOKUP.. which makes it all worthwhile Mo

Hi everyone, Thanks for all you messages in reply to my thread, it has been interesting reading, everyone has different points of view. Betty

Betty, I first had a moan about this back in July last year ! The thread was generally OK ... but sure enough, the thread started getting quite argumentative and eventually I deleted and then added my 'advice' to the Newbie thread that Lovely Laura started. (I've just nudged that) ...On first page ! I think a lot of newbies, just don't expect an instant response and therefore go about doing what they would do normally. I have to add, that personally, I never go back to see if anyone has acknowledged info I have left. I only return to a thread 1) whilst I'm still adding info to it, 2) if I need to change something or 3) if I'VE asked a question. If the poster doesn't come back then tough ! they are loosing out not me ! I never want or expect thanks .... my reward is finding the correct info thats been requested. Lets hope more people keep the 'Newbie' thread available - especially on Wednesday/Thursdays (after that stupid programme has been on TV !) Elaine ;-)

I can understand how frustrating it must be when people don't check or reply when you have done a lookup. In my defence I am in Australia and I sometimes post a request before going to bed and then check early morning my time. I always make a point of thanking the person who has done the lookup. I have never been offended by someone asking for more info. especially when I was new to this game and wasn't always sure about what was needed. I think most people would agree that some of the people who do lookups go beyond what you have asked for and supply information that has added greatly to what you are researching. I am most grateful to all the people who have taken the time to help me. Susan

Hi All, , I got a P M today off somebody( Will not mention name) asking for me to help them as i had helped them before. Asking for 2 census look ups i done them and sent them this morning. Still not had a reply but they said it was urgent now do you understand why people get fed up doing looks ups. June x

Hi Nell, Thats what I noticed too, loads of people have done lookups and nobody has checked them to find out the reply. Ok maybe they did send pm but not all of the could have. Thanks for the message you added Nell. Betty

I wouldn't have got so far with my family history if it wasn't for all the fantastic people on this site. I'm happy to share any information or knowledge I've picked up with others. But recently I wanted to find a thread I'd posted and clicked on Your Threads Only. Blimey - there were loads of requests - many headed URGENT or PLEEEASSEE HELP! etc which the original poster had not come back to read. Possibly they sent private messages of thanks, but I was staggered - if you really want to know, you'd come back, wouldn't you? And then, every so often, I get a private message that says something like 'I know he was married before 1918 because my mother's sister remembers going to the wedding.' and I have no idea what they are on about!!!!!!! nell, taking this opportunity to say sorry if I have offended in this way.

To reply to Bethany's query - do you mean Birth/Marriage/Death registration indexes? These are not available on disc. If you mean the beta trial, did you know you can browse by year/quarter as well as using the search? or put in a name near the one you want & page up or down. But yes there are some pages missing. I'd always start off looking at free sites like FreeBMD (only up to 1910-ish, and not complete) because this narrows down the amount you need to spend on the pay sites like 1837online and familyrelatives. Some registration areas have put their BMD info on-line, but they don't give you the GRO reference, you would need to get the certificate from them (or use the date as a guide to look at 1837 or whatever) To find what's available, google UKBMD or look at the website guides on here. Don't order a certificate anywhere that charges more than £7 !!!

Hi Kirsten, Glad you are feeling better now, hope you also notices the message to you from Anne of Scotland on my thread, as you are going off now maybe you can check it tomorrow. Betty

Thank you Betty and Vicky. What you have said makes me feel so much better, I understand you both now. I appreciate it. I better get off the computer now. Have boyfriend complaining this is all I ever do! Kirsten

Yes thank you ladies and gents. Do the people who own the disks have some of the quarters that are missing from ancestry.co.uk?

Hi Vicky, Thanks for explaining this, and I hope Kirsten reads it. I was trying to tell her about this but you have said it a whole lot better. Thanks for the information about the disc, I never knew about this either. Betty

As usual I think sometimes its too easy to hit the ''update'' or ''send'' key without thinking too much about what you say, or the way you say it. I'm as guilty as anyone of doing this, and often go back & edit my reply when I've read it a couple of times Its very easy to ask a question in a way that implies the original query was silly... Usually if you know WHY someone is asking for something, it can help work out an alternative way of getting at a solution, if the first (or most obvious) route isn't possible for some reason. (that sounds very convoluted doesn't it!) For example, if you ask for an 1841 census lookup, many of the people having discs for these don't have name indexes, so its time-consuming trawling a vast area. If you want the information hoping for an accurate age or place of birth, its not going to help you, because this information is not given on the 1841. It can sound rude pointing this out if you've already said so loads of times and you're trying to do it as quickly and concisely as possible.

Hi again Kirsten, I am sorry to hear you have been ill, I do hope you continue to do you research with Genes Reunited, I am sure you will make many friends here, well look you have me already!!!! I know many more people will get to know you well in the future, don't let what has happened upset you too much. Just think there are thousands of people on this website from all over the world, there is bound to be one or two who you will find it hard to get along with. All the rest will help you as best as they can because they are a great bunch of people on here, wishing you well for the future. Betty

Hi Betty, I agree with you there. Some people are asking for your benefit to get a bigger picture, but sometimes I have seen people get quite nasty replies. I remember asking for some help trying to find my gt grandmother's death and someone asked what was the point, it wouldn't help much, why did I want to find it, etc. Whilst some questions were relevent, I didn't think those were and that can affect someone like me who's using family research as a main focus after suffering some emotional problems. Kirsten

Hi Kirsten, I think when you are new to the site, as I was several months ago, you ask for help with a lookup and you may not understand why the person asks why are you looking for such and such!! Sometimes you don't write the request clearly or in the correct way and it's not easy for them to understand what you want. It can well be that they need a fuller picture of what you are asking for and why so they can find exactly what you want. I felt so stupid when I started and didn't know anything and asked some weard questions. After you have been on here for a while you will get to know everyone is just trying to help you by giving advise etc. They do know far, far more than we do because they have been doing this for years and years. Betty