Genealogy Chat

Would you think it was acceptable to ask somebody where they fit into your tree/what their connection is, when there is a hot match?
I have just had somebody get really shirty with me because I asked the question without opening my tree. I have been accused of wanting to take and not help people. I wouldn't mind except that I actually opened my tree to this person a year ago and all my information is actually now on his on line tree anyway so there is nothing more to see on my tree.

I feel quite put out about this because I am always happy to help contacts and tell them where they fit into my tree.

Ann
Glos

yes ann perfectly acceptable nothing wrong in asking and nobody should get funny with you for doing so :))))

I always ask people a few questions and make sure there is a real link before opening my tree.

I only open my tree to people who have a lot of ancestors in common. If we only share a few people I send the details as a message.

I think you did the right thing.

Sue
x

The silly thing is, we do share a lot of ancestors and when i look back we have been in touch before and I have opened my tree to him before. So, if he had answered the question instead of getting on his high horse and spouting on about being an OPC etc I would probably have opened my tree again for him but I cannot stand rudeness.

Ann
Glos

no ann i can't either so i wouldn't bother myself :)))

Anne I've had that problem as well and got accused of being rude etc I also had been in contact with this person a year before to which they denied all knowledge and had put some of my tree in their tree when there was no connection at all The place of birth was the same as was the name so I asked for my info to be removed from their tree and I got told that putting your tree on line it became public property

As the so-called 'hot' matches are nearly always tepid at best, I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for verification.

I would never open my tree without firstly ascertaining that there is a definite connection.

I agree with you Reggie, wait and check the connection before divulging personal tree details. I have already posted a Hot matches topic on here. Drives me nuts when people contact me first, and then, when I get back to them to ask a question, find they have updated their trees with my info, but appear to want no further contact. Really frustrating, Dont know why they bother really. !!

Ann I've picked up 2 really good contacts on GR but on both occassions we have swapped information for weeks before we opened our trees (something I rarely do).

One contact & I later swapped Gedcoms, the other sent me loads of information by post. These remain the only 2 people on here who have either my Gedcom or my home address & both will have access to my tree so long as it remains on GR.

Genrally what I do with hot matches is when I get in contact, I give details of the hot match. Then I add the details of a spouse and/or parents and possibly somes children. Then I wait for a reply.
If they do get in touch, we contact each other to check if there is a good chance of a connection before opening our trees.
If I find that there is not a connection I stop them from seeing my tree as soon as possible.


Spud

Actually until now I have been lucky and have lots of lovely connections. The strange thing with this one is that we connected before and I opened my tree for him as he had got most of it from another connection on the same line, and I didn't recognise his name. All he had to do was quote the previous connection a year ago.

Thrown his toys out the pram now. never mind, his loss not mine.

thanks for your replies

ann
Glos

Hi Ann.
Haven't been online for a few days and was just reading through the threads when I came upon yours. I was interested because I was given a connection from GR this morning. I dont usually respond to these but this connection relates to a branch of my family which is proving very difficult. I have seen the many threads about tree stealing etc and have always been very reluctant to share mine. So I decided to give a little info about my relative and then asked a relevant question. I thought this was the best way to go about it. I have not shared my tree and I hope this will not be a problem to the other person. If there is a connection this will be the first I have made throught GR.
I agree with you that this is an acceptable way to make enquiries. I know from the boards that you help many people. I for one am very grateful for all the tips and info that you and so many others put on these boards. They have helped me enormously in my research.

Issy