Genealogy Chat

just to say thanks for your advice

Hi Michele

I met my mother BM last May for first time in 48 years. Also met half brother and sisters. Something was not quite right about what my mother told me re my childhood upbringing and further research proved this to be the case. She had skeletons in the cupboard that she did not want anyone to know, especially the half brother and sisters.
I have not been back to see my mother but do keep up with half brother and sisters who get on really well with.

My advice is, yes be on your guard but at the same time be open and honest. Difficult, I know.
Would I do it all again tomorrow. You bet. Never a truer saying 'Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained'. Just be careful though that it does not play havoc with your emotions.

Regards - Tony

Hi Michelle

Maybe being an only child you are scared of by so much attention at once, maybe you feel it is a bit rushed or a bit intense for you.
How many of them are you meeting ? Like Janet said maybe it is better in a pub , somewhere public where if you do feel like it is to much for you , you can make you excuses and get away, and perhaps meet up another time.

Just see how you feel though, it may be that when it comes to it you really enjoy it and at the moment what you feel with are nerves, have you got a partner, good friend to go with you and support you ?

Don't let them rush you. Take it at your pace and try to meet somewhere neutral.Perhaps a Wetherspoons pub or something like that where if you don't want to stay you can make your excuse and no one will feel pressured into waffling on if it goes quiet . Take some copies of photos of you growing up.

Good luck

I think if it were me that I would start with just one person - perhaps a Grandmother or Aunt - and if that went OK at least there would be someone you already know when confronted by the others!

I've said it before on here and i'll say it again--go for it. I did and have never regretted it. I started 20 odd years ago before the internet and have had loads of ups and downs over the years. My birth mum also didn't want to know for the first 12 years as she hadn't told her husband or children but an aunt was kind enough to keep the contact going a nd act as middleman till the time was right. To date I've met aunts uncles cousins and one sibling and always take things at their pace whcih can be hard but by doing the family tree I've learnt so much and most of them are eager to help when they can .I'm 58 now and still waiting to see my mum but love it so much when I get emails or ecards from my siblings.Good luck.

Hi,
I am in a similar situation. Unfortunately my BM has asked me not to contact her children but I did contact her sister who has given me tons of information. The first person I tried to contact was another sister who had died a month before I arrived at her house. So my advise would always be don't mess around, you have everything to gain and nothing to loose. If you get a negative reaction at least you wont be kicking yourself for not trying.
Good luck
Dave

I ALREADY MADE CONTACT WITH BM THANKS TO GR A FEW YEARS AGO AND SHE MADE HER FEELING QUITE CLEAR so what the rest of the family say is of no surprise i am so nervouse and half the time i do not know what to say when they phone me yet they seem not to be unerved by all this they are trying to be reassuring about me being family which is very nice however i am still uneasy

No they are being very forward since november i have had cousins aunts uncles and grandmother phoning me it makes me reel i was raised as an only chid will no close reletives none of them have a good word to say about my bm and plenty of bad it is all very sureal to have family after 38 years

Hi Michelle,

Tricky one this, as Rie says they may just be curious and contact may drop of after the initial meeting, that said nothing ventured nothing gained.
Meet up with them, but try not to press to much on info reg your BM , if they want to tell you so be it, but they may just back of and think your only interest is her, also they may feel disloyal telling you things about her, if she does now want contact. it is normal to be curious about her, but some answers may come with time. Just go be yourself and try to be realistic about your expectations of each other, and try to enjoy you time together.

If things go well then you can arrange another meeting, and start to try and form some sort of relationship.

Good Luck !

Sheila

can anyone give any advice on meeting up withmy relations for the first time i was adopted my b mother does not want to know but her family does how do i handle this