Genealogy Chat

I never knew my father but have traced down through obtaining his death certificate his last address. The person on the death certificate as being the informant is still listed in the BT directory at the same address. Although my father died in 1995 I still have a curiosity about him. Would it be right to contact this person?

I always think that this is a very difficult situation. I have difficulties re parentage and can only say tread with caution.
1, \stop and think how you may feel if someone unknown turned up on your doorstep.
2. Why do you want to meet, is it because you may have half siblings, etc
3 Is your mother still alive and how would she feel.
Dozens of other points come to mind which is why after a very long time I decided aginst DNA which would have been the only way for me.

My real father is the person who brought me up, nutured me, encouraged me and was always there for me. Maybe you didn't have this, I do not know.

You could always write a letter explaining what you have found and asking if you could meet or at least would the family provide you with more information.

Be aware they may not know about you and this could be a shock.

I wish you every success, you sound from the tone of your message to be considerate. I shall be thinking about you

I don't think Stella is suggesting a meeting! I would write a brief and calm letter, emphasising no pressure and that all you want is any information they are happy to share.. Send an SAE too!
Best of luck to you.
Jan

I would send a letter - it is an opportunity for you to find out some information about your father. I have written quite a few letters to discovered relations re my family tree and have always got some sort of reply. I usually tell the person what I know and say I am doing my family tree. I always enclose a stamped addressed envelope. Good luck Irene

Hi Stella

I agree that your father is the person who brought you up but I doubt that this will stop you wondering about your birth father.

Last year I found the birth family for a friend who was adopted when she was two months old.

XXX wrote to her birth mother starting her letter

"This is a very difficult letter for me to write and I would like to make it quite clear that it is not my intention to upset you or cause you any distress in any way."

she then went on to add a few facts that gave no doubt that she was who she said she was. It ended with asking if the person she was writing to was the same person as she thought they were. XXX made it clear that she had no financial interest only family and medical history, she said that she hoped that they would reply to her letter and enclosed an SAE and was lucky enough to get a reply.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Wendy xx

Hello again Stella,
I certainly did nit mean to deter you in any way and If I have please accept my apologies. Of course we all want as much information about our parents as possible, I was simply trying to say tread with caution, sometimes we are disappointed with what we find and other times absolutely delighted.

I wish you every success and feel sure that having had some time to think about your decision it will be the right one for you.

Good luck

Thank you for all those who replied to me and gave very useful advise. My Mum raised my brother and me alone so we never had any father figure. Mum is still alive and although I have tried talking to her about our father she is very unwilling to talk about the subject. I have also discovered through research that she had a previous marriage which was dissolved when she married our father. She does not know that I am aware of this fact and I will not let on that I know as I would not want to upset her, but I feel sorry myself that my Mum has never been able to talk about her early life.
I think I may write to the person at my fathers last address as suggested. I just want to know what sort of person he was, and maybe I would be intrigued to find any other relations on his side.

Just adding a bit extra, it might be uninformed.

Just as we are all individuals in our daily lives, we are all individuals in our past. One unmarried mother feels differently to the next unmarried mother. One divorcee feels different from the next divorcee. One adopted person feels different from the next adopted person.

I have found during my research that some family members are upset that a child was born out of wedlock, when others are not bothered by it.

I think you have to see what happens.

Write the letter with a careful introduction. I wouldn't say I am "doing my family tree" it sounds a bit mechanistic, but "researching my family history" is better I think. Seems a bit more meaningful.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Margaret

Wrote my letter and just received a lovely reply from a lady who my father lodged with before he died in 1995. She enclosed two photos of my father and gave me some missing family information. Turns out my brother looks so much like him it is like a mirror image. He is so grateful to have those photos. Also found out we potentially have at least two half-sisters and one half-brother.

I have since spoken to this lady and had a very nice conversation. All in the past I know, but it has filled in some missing details for me and is an exciting journey and addictive doing family tree!

Hi Stella.
So lovely for you and your brother to have a happy outcome

Hi Stella,

How lovely for you to find something out about your Father, and to have received photo's of him, must be fantastic.

Good luck.

Kind regards
Amanda