Genealogy Chat

I am absoulutley gobsmacked at the amount of postings that lack the basic "please" and "thank you".

Please remember that when you post a thread looking for help, the people that help you are doing it out of the goodness of their own heart, NOT GR EMPLOYEES!!!!!!!

I'm not saying that everyone is falling fowl of this just enough to warrant this thread.

If my 6 year old daughter has these basic manners then WHY are they missing from some postings on here that are obviously posted by adults.............. shame on you.

And to all you well mannered folk............ a big THANK YOU to you for your appreciation in the time and effort people take doing look-ups.

I myself feel that these unmannered postings will effect the offer of people helping........... I know myself that I feel less obliged to help out with many now, which is sad.

I do not wish to offend anyone here, but feel very strongly about the basics inwhich we were all taught in childhood........... so PLEASE just add that little extra, even a THX and PLZ would do.


Dee x

Hear hear!

Had a classic a couple of days ago, actually put on my reply post asking for more info that a please or thank you wouldn't go amiss.

The person concerned gave the info we had asked for but STILL no please or thank you. Lets face it, even if you are not great on the computer or english isn't your first language it only takes a second or two to type the magic words!

I must admit I've kept a note of their name and added it to the list of people I just don't help anymore ...

Helen

I have to agree with you. Manners cost nothing and MEMBERS, not paid staff are using alot of their free time doing look ups to try and help others. Even if the help was given by paid staff, please and thank you should come naturally when asking for help.

Chris

I have to agree with you. Many times I have spent a lot of time getting information for someone only to find you never get a response back from them nor a thank you.
I read a thread today when a woman responded to someone's question of help and she received a rude pm from the person asking the question - it makes you think if you should bother helping in future.
I really appreciate the help I have been given over the years and have met some very nice people who have really gone out of their way to help - they have copied documents and sent them through the post and even sent cd's to me all at a cost to themselves so I think the nice people out weigh the nasty people on GR. Regards Irene

Oh I've had an absolute classic - a person contacted me through the tree contact facility with just the relatives's surname in the title and the following message " Name Name - any info?" and their own name as a sign off. Replied saying that without further details how could I possibly know? Some months later got another similar message with a tiny bit more info and a similar lack of manners, but with an opened tree. Took a look and it is in fact a direct relative, so I gave some more information and some very good tips as to tracing more of the family (it's not a common name and less than five minutes on freebmd would have got the information wanted) but I was not going to open my tree or do the work for them.

Did I get a thank you back? Did I heck as like, only another open tree request message - this time not even personal but the automatic one. Needless to say I have not responded!

Denise, I agree with you 100%. Some folk seem to think their £9.95 subscription covers the help that GR members so generously give to fellow members...It doesnt! Help is given happily but a please and thank you should be automatic and it saddens me when it isnt....Having said that I do give ample time for a thank you before I start to get cross....one look at our local library shows just how many people have to use a 30 minute a day access slot to do all their research so they cant always be about to say thanks....in which case it doesnt hurt to say...".I dont have permanent access to a PC so please forgive me if I dont respond immediately"

I hope I always say please and thank you. I would feel awful if I didn't.

I, and many others, couldn't possibly manage to do all our own research and we really appreciate the help we are given.

I think though that the people this thread is aimed towards wont ever get the message,

Sue

some people ask without actually sayng please, but the manner in which they have asked is polite so that's OK

however, as has been said, far too many just donlt bother with the niceties

hi i aways say please and thank you and i thank the person again when they get back tome with info
please dont be put of with people like that [just dont help them] i need people like you to help me as i cant pay for ancestry
so please please keep helping people like me
all the best lorraine

I must admit that I do not help on the threads where they don't say please ... AND I have to sit on my hands not to add a reply saying so!

Jill

Hi Folks,

Thanks for your replies........... sorry I had to dash out.

I know many of us get PM's thanking us for our help, this is often not seen on the threads............ but it is always appreciated. We are not putting you all in the same "boat", I had a lovely lady offer to pay money into a charity of my own choice after helping her, I almost cried........... what a wonderful gesture but as I stated to her, her thanks were more than enough.

I think the crooks of the matter is that there seems to be such an influx of people wishing to know about their ancestry at the moment that the simple pleasantries (spelling??) seem to be forgotten. I speak for myself when I say that often the " John Smith born 18?? in ???? want to know parents" are the particular ones I steer clear of and like you Mrs Grumpy (sometimes) 525837, I'll sit on my hands........... or very often just look to fulfill my own curiousity......... not posting though!!!

Helen, Kathryn............ I think a deletion of your findings would have followed very swiftly if I were in your shoes............ very sad to do so though.

I know we never seek approval of the efforts we put in to helping others but it still boils down to the basic fact that manners cost nothing!!! And you dont get much for nowt nowadays!!!!

To everyone who does thank the helpers......... we know who you are, what a great bunch you are and I know myself that I'm quite willing to go beyond the measures and try to help further, knowing that you are just so pleased to have had the assistance or just to have had us look at something and confirm your own findings............... my thanks go out to you. You make the "look-up" business a pleasure to be in.

Enough of my ramblings now.

Dee x

I've had the same sort of contact as Kathryn - through the Tree Match facility someone just wrote - "married to ..... son called ....., born in .......". I ignored him for his lack of manners. He was most persistant, kept sending the automatic open tree request with no message. I looked at his tree out of interest, only had about 10 people on it so he obviously wanted someone's tree to copy that branch - well he didn't get mine!

I wonder if "texting" has someting to do with these curt/abrupt messages ?

I thought there was a minimum age-16-for subscription to GR but some of the messages seem to have a much younger feel !!

There is definitely a general lack of manners in the world today not just on Genes Reunited but on the roads. Drivers want to get where they want to go, even if it's in a car park, as fast as they can and totally oblivious to others unless they're in their way. On Genes Reunited people often expect to get answers immediately and see it as some anonymous information-feeding machine - a bit like call centres. Some people are totally unaware that it is ordinary unpaid researchers searching for their own ancestors and offering help to other researchers. Advertising is constantly sending the message Buy it Now with the perpetal reinforcement of instant gratification. No wonder some people don't have the time or inclination to say Thank You. They've already moved on to the next thing.

Great point about driving, Jim. Slightly off-topic here, but I know the Highway Code says you should only sound your horn to alert others to your car's presence (which I always interpreted to mean "don't use it unless they're about to reverse into you") but I have lost count of the number of people who have blasted theirs at me because I couldn't move out onto a roundabout for a few moments in busy traffic.

I suppose it is kind of metaphorical - having had that happen to me, it has now made me really conscious of roundabouts when I am driving (in case anyone else decides I'm holding them up) and I'm sure the same happens with people helping others on this site and other sites.