Genealogy Chat

Thanks to you too, Meg, Christine and Jean.
Some very interesting points here which have given me all the answers to questions which will arise, including the division of ashes!
Thanks again.
K

Just doing some early morning browsing and found this post. Very interesting as my husband and I are Catholic and C of E and this subject has been touched on in the past. We have opted for cremation.
Eventually there will have to be more cremations due to lack of space in cemeteries.
We have made our children aware of what we want so that they wont face the problem of having to make the decision at the time of our demise. I hated the thought of my remains being put somewhere other than with my husbands.
A friend recently pointed out, how would the family history researchers of the future find us if our ashes were scattered and no memorial left.
Apart from the records, I would like something useful left in our names. We live on the coast and see a lot of benches dedicated to people who have died.
We haven't made a decision yet as to what to leave in our names but we're working on it.
This family history hobby certainly makes you think!
Christine

Very interesting. My mother was Catholic all her life. When she died in 2008 her priest first insisted her coffin should be brought to church for a service before being taken to the crematorium. I objected to that, as her friends and relatives were not Catholics and the church and crematorium were 10 miles apart, which would mean 20 extra miles of driving (by some elderly people and some who had already travelled 80 miles) to get back to where I wished to invite people for refreshments.

So the priest refused to perform the cremation service.

I therefore went to my local priest and outlined my plan to have just the cremation service, to which he agreed willingly.

It was very simple and fitting for my mum. AS it happens the day brought a sudden heavy snowfall and several mourners could not get there at all.

Then came the issue of the ashes. My mum was one of three sisters. Her two elder sisters had died in their 30s, and were buried with their mum. My mum loved them all very much. I wanted my mum's ashed to buried with them in her home town. But my daughters wanted her ashes scattering with their grandfather at the crematorium. Now, the crematorium was in a town totally of no meaning to our family, dad wanted his ashes scattered there so mum would not be visiting him regularly in the cold and wet weather. As it happens, my mum had Alzheimers disease and totally forgot she even had a husband.

However, to satisfy my daughters, I put it to the priest that we "split" the ashes, half to be scattered with dad and half to be buried with her mother. Despite his liberal approach, he was not happy with the idea. He was not at all unhappy with the remains being scattered with dad, but unhappy about splitting them. But he did say if I wanted to scatter half and bury half, then go ahead with the scattering, but don't tell him! After all, he said, I am not going to check the urn to see if all the ashes are there!

In the end, we decided against scattering at all, on the grounds that neither of my parents were particularly sentimental, and mum would like to be with her birth family. The priest conducted a lovely service to inter the ashes, and I think dad would have been pleased at that. In retrospect, I should have scattered his ashes in the same cemetery, so they would at least have been close.

Of course you have to consider relatives, but you also have to consider yourselves as chief mourners, the beliefs of the deceased and your own beliefs.

Good luck with your decision.

Margaret

We had my father cremated in C/E but got permmision from the catholic cemitry{spelling} to put his ashes with in his mother's grave as the family were Catholics.Jean.

Thanks for your input.

My question came to mind as, at some time in the future, I may be faced with a dilemma - in that one part of my family is (lapsed) Catholic and the other Church of England.
I want to be sure I do the right thing and not offend anyone, ie senior members of the family, and those who are practising Catholics.

Thanks

K

I went to a family funeral at which the funeral mass was at the local Catholic church.Then a short service was held at the local Crematorium before her commital
I have no idea as to what happened about her ashes

Karen, My mother was cremated, in accordance with what had gone on previously in her maternal family. The crematorium being in Nottingham. However, dad and myself, had her ashes put in an urn, and buried, with a little ceremony, in the ' Garden of Remembrance ' in our local cemetary.
But, both dad and myself both said at the time, that cremation was not for either of us. We will go in the same cemetary as mum, but just in a different area. So will OH
Julia in Derbyshire

Thanks Kathleen.
K

If you are talking modern day then lots of Catholics get cremated and the church does not disapprove of this as long as the ashes are buried and not scattered.

Kath. x

Thanks Shirley, that actually answers my other question too, the matter of the scattering of ashes.
All clear now,

many thanks.
K

they do allow cremations
The Rite of Committal is a “gathering of the faithful for prayer” that generally takes place at the graveside or interment/cemetery chapel. At this time it is usually appropriate for military or cultural customs to be included. Though burial is preferred by the Catholic Church, cremations are also allowed as long as they were not chosen for reasons that go against the Church’s teachings. If a cremation does occur, the ashes are considered as the human remains and therefore should be buried or entombed. Scattering ashes so that they remain above ground is discouraged. Burial in the consecrated ground of a Catholic cemetery is encouraged for both human remains and ashes. Some non-Catholics may also be buried in Catholic cemeteries if they expressed a relationship to the Church and a desire to do so, or if a non-Catholic member of a Catholic family (or his/her family) expressed a desire for the family to be buried together.

personal choice or religious beliefs?

Just trying to get something sorted in my mind.

Am I right in thinking that as a general rule - and I'm referring to modern day here - that Catholics do not get cremated.

Thank you

K