Genealogy Chat

Hi Everyone

Frank it is so nice to have you back I have missed your humour,your story made me cry ,what a terrible thing to happen to a young boy.

I think all of us have had some sort of abuse in our lifetime, but at the time we did not recognice it as such.
With what happened to you and your talking about it brings it out of the closet so to speak so more people will tell of the shocking things that have happened to them.
It has probably made you the person you are today,a very nice man.

Baby showers ,All the ones I have been to have been good ,just lucky I think.

I had a nice day at the hairdressers today ,a spot of shopping then back home out of the cold.
We had 5c last night and 15c today,for OZ that is cold.

Over the sons house tonight,our 15yrs old grandoaughter has her birthday today,love family get togethers.
I miss not having kids at home,OH loves it.

Reece so glad there is improvement for your Oh !! see all of our prayers put together helps

Love to everyone
Suex

I am glad you have joined us again Frank.
And I am glad you chose to share with us something so painful.
I am just so sorry that you have had to live with that terrible hurt for so much of your life.
But be assured healing will come from having bought it out in the open.

My daughter was sexually interfered with in a school playground when she was 6 years old. The perpetrator threatened to drown her in the school pool if she told anyone. We became aware of what had happened by her strange erratic behaviour. Ii was recommended by counselors at the time that it would be best if she forgot about it.
At 13 She started taking drugs and alcohol by 15 she was in trouble with the Law. At 16 she left home. Now at 24 she has turned her life around and has begun to undergo counselling in little bites to deal with what had been suppressed.
As a mother I have been to hell and back. watching my child suffer, So I understand Frank.

Forgive me everyone,
some might say this is not suitable in an open forum, but we are real people with real problems.
We are all on this site, because we wanted to find our ancestors and hopefully in the process discover more about ourselves.
The fact is our lives are messy , just like most of our ancestors. and I am glad we can be honest with each other.

Am off too my nice warm bed now, on this bitterly cold winters night.
Good night catch you all later. Josie

Hi Frank,

Glad you are back - I have been lonely and felt vulnerable without you.

One thing you can be sure of is the support you will get on here.

As Kiwibird says, we are real people with feelings and problems.

Good Luck.

Robert

Really pleased to see that we now have both our 'missing' gentlemen back on the thread. Your absence has obviously been greatly missed as well.

Jeanie
xx

Sorry I had to rush off this morning....duty called!

I too am glad that you felt able to share your dreadful experience with your friends on here Frank. I am sure that you are aware of our love and support. You are a very valued member of this thread.



Robert may have felt vulnerable but we have been kindness itself to him during your absence Frank. Isn't that right Robert...? We have even enquired about the state of his little shell.



As for baby showers.......what a 'to do'....I think we should give them a definite miss - they don't sound as though they are worth all the hassle.


Hey Frank, maybe your daughter's 'little' bump will suddenly turn into an 'enormous' bump nearer the time..???


Well, at least we have got rain of some sort - more of a drizzle really but enough to save me haring around with a hosepipe thank goodness!


No school run today. One is on half term and one isn't so we are all at 6's and 7's. Not good for me at my age



Off for a browse and then maybe I'll dust the bedrooms.........................deep joy.



Cx.

Yes Cynthia,

Kindness and sweetness.

Hello My Friends,
It is lovely to have you back with us Frank, I am so sorry to hear of the distressing time you had when you were young, these VILE creatures dont seem to care that they ruin a young life. It is something that you carry with you for the rest of your life, a male relative abused me when I was 9 years old and bravely I told my mother about it only for her to give a a good slapping and accused me of telling lies, thats another reason why I cannot understand me wanting to find my mothers roots. But back to you Frank we feel honoured that you would confide in us , thank you for that, as for the shower, some folk are so thoughtless and dont appreciate the time and money that goes into planning these functions, at least you did your best for your daughter, bless her, I guess she was embarrassed by some of the behaviour, anyway Frank hold your head up high, you are a good man.
Glad the news is fairly good Reece our prayers are with you and O H.
The weather is not good here today, we have had drizzle off and on most of the day, I wish we could have a good downpour, something that would do some good.
I am off to make a birthday card for a friend so cheerio for now.
Love to you all.
Evelyn

Frank my son Leslie is the same age as you

Hi everyone


today was a physio day .

............... somehow a 30-40 minute appointment turns into a 3-4 hour jaunt!


well, I do have to ride the bus, so I leave home at 11 am to take the 2 buses necessary to reach the area where the clinic is. I like to arrive early ....... but I was so much "early" this morning that I had time to pop into the nearby coffee shop for a 30 minute break. Then of course I needed lunch when I came out from physio. Followed by a visit to the local chocolate shop.

Went directly home this afternoon ....... but OH was home by the time I got there, so I turned right around, and he drove us to our local coffee shop for our afternoon fix.


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm


Tomorrow is the day my cleaning lady comes, so I won't be around until later again.



Nice to see Robert peeking out from his shell once again. and looking forward to another visit from Frank.


Reece ............. that was good news about the blood test.




s
xxx

Off to Knowsley Safari Park this morning with grandson. He is on half term and bored!! His sister is back at school so I will then hare over to pick up her up at 2pm. It's all go round here today.


Weather looks a bit grey but it isn't raining as yet - though it's on the way apparently. Should be good peering at lions through pouring rain!!


That's the sort of day I can cope with Sylvia.....meet you at one of the coffee shops...okay??


Evelyn, I've made my grandson's birthday card so thanks for the prompt. I scan photos of when they were young and write silly verses to go with them. Trouble is, I'm now running out of photos!


Back tonight hopefully. Love. Cx
[Tell you what, I bet our Sylvia's a wow on the parallel bars at the physio's - see her go!]

Hi Everyone

Cynthia you are a good Grandmother taking your Grandson to the Safari Park,I don't think we have one of those in Wa.
It would be a very interesting place to see,Must put that down to see on my next trip back to the Uk.

Sylvia I am off to the ciro this week ,he gets me sorted out ,I feel wonderfull when I come out of there.
My OH wants to come with me next time so he can see him as well,he does have a sore shoulder so it may do him some good..

It is very cold here at present we had 3c last night,the electric blanket stayed on all night.

I was very pleased with the hair cut the other day ,I always feel better when I get my hair done.

I am off to bed ,it has been a busy day for me today,I hope to read a message from Frank tomorrow in his usual humourous way.

Love to all my friends
Suex

Well, I've stared at lions, giraffes, rhinos, deer, camels and all things in between. The meerkats were gorgeous.

We had a good morning and a hectic afternoon so I was glad to sit down this evening.


Sue, I'm so glad you mentioned about the hair cut as I need to make an appointment to get mine chopped tomorrow.

I'm hoping friend Frank will soon be back too - I miss being teased.

Going to look for a missing rellie now. Love to all. Cx.

Hello my friends,

I'd just like to let you know that I fully appreciate all of your heartfelt thoughts from the posts and personal messages...... they were indeed most welcome.

I was interested to read one of your comments which suggested that this occurence may have made me the man that I am and yes, I would probably agree with that.
After it had happened, I made the decision not to tell anyone about it and in carrying the knowledge of that attack alone for 35 years, became very aware of those around me. When you stop trusting people you tend to examine their motives very deeply, basically dissecting every little thing that may or may not occur.

In short, the more quiet and removed you become, the more time you find to notice things.

I am fine these days having faced up to it 10 years ago when my mum, of all people, piped up with that insensitive remark which brought everything out!
To date my mum, my wife and my sister are the only ones who know and you, my dear friends are the only "outsiders" who are currently aware of it all.

I will tell the kids one day so that they may understand why "dad" is so quiet and why he was so paranoid about their own safety in their younger days..........at least they grew up normally.

By the way, ((((hugs)))) are fine as this episode didn't turn me off people, just wary.

### HUUUGGGS ###

to you all.

xx

Frank I think by telling us of your experience you have probably helped us all, I know that you have helped me, because I have never even told my husband what happened to me but by telling you all online has been theraputic and I thank you for that. To add to my bad experience I would like to add that many years after the event my beloved Grandma told me that the same relative had abused her, anyway he is now dead and I am still alive and happy.
We have had heavy rain today so the farmers will be pleased.
Hope everyone is well, much love to you all.
Evelyn XX

Yes Evelyn, it is good to talk.

I recall a few months ago when several of you did admit to having been subjected to undesirable approaches which almost prompted me to add my tuppence worth.

It is amazing how these things affect people differently as when I disclosed my long held secret, my mum immediately blamed it very wrongly on someone else.
My wife was unable to comment.
My sister was totally devastated and could not believe I had never told anyone.

I feel very good at having opened it up a little more and of course I am pleased if this then has a knock on effect in helping others.

.....not quite your "I am an alcoholic" but pretty close.

Thanks.

Hi Everyone

Frank my very dear friend,you are helping a lot of people yourself by talking about it.
We have all had some kind of abuse in our time but we were not allowed to bring it out it was taboo,hide it and don't let anyone know.

Times have changed for the better I think.

It is so cold I don't want to leave the house and fire but I must go shopping,I will be back later.

Love to you all.
Suex

Hello

I was out most of the day again ..................... beef teriyaki for lunch, coffee, met OH after his appointment at the eye specialist, he had to get a prescription filled ................. so of course we had to have coffee at our regular coffee shop while the pharmacy filled the prescription!


He had to see the specialist because he'd got something in his eye over the weekend, he tried washing it out, I tried putting in drops. He went to see his optician on Monday morning, and she said there was something there but she couldn't get it out .................... so made an appointment for him to go to an ophthalmic surgeon.

Turns out there was a tiny piece of skin which had been abraded off somehow (??? by a piece of grit??), and was moving around in the lower lid.

So a drop of local anaesthetic, and tweezers to remove the bit.

I have just put in the first dose of antibiotic cream ...... half-an-inch spread evenly inside the lower lid.




Off for a mooch around, then early ot bed I think




s
xxx

Frank

I do not think that was anything close to "I am an alcoholic". Alcoholics start by choosing to drink, continuing to drink and drinking to excess. You had no choice at all in what happened to you. Nor did the others who have opened up on this thread and whose lives have been affected to some extent.

I was particularly touched by Evelyn's story of how her mother slapped her and accused her of lying. It is incomprehensible to me how a mother could do that. Hoping upon hope that it is not true is one thing but punishing the child for telling lies is quite another.

Glad you seem to have put the baby shower feelings behind you and are joining in again.

Luv
Jeanie
xx

Good afternoon (just) from a somewhat cloudy and cool NW. Have done my cleaning, some shopping and am now enjoying a coffee - actually, its a double chocha mocca but don't tell anyone.


Frank, it's so lovely to have you back. Another ((hug)) for good measure.


Hope Anne and Josie are okay and sending loads of love to Reece.


~~~~~~~~~ waves to Robert in his little shell and hope that he notices.



I'm like Sylvia .......... on the coffee shop trail. All my friends know what I am like and we often have a laugh about it. Mind you, my OH will say "why do you have to have a coffee out when you can have one at home?" think he's missing the point somewhat!!


Received a death cert yesterday for one of OHs rellies. I had hoped it would bring me closer to finding out more about them.....oh no....not that simple.....it's just complicated things and I will now have to send for the marriage cert too! Arghhhh.


Off to see my grandson later....he is 11 today bless him. He's a very special boy as, when he was a couple of days old, he stopped breathing whilst being fed. My son resusitated him whilst on the phone to the ambulance people - his wife was hysterical. The poor mite spent a few days in hospital undergoing various tests but recovered completely. Very precious he is indeed.

Cx.

OMG - what can i say - I vanish for a few days & 6 pages later - well

Frank - you are a very brave person - It has made you the person you are today - we should never keep things like that to our selves - you feel very withdrawn - I have been there too (not at knife point)- i know how you feel. Just keep on being you - we love you as you are - Please don't withdraw - one in a shell is quite enough.

I think you are all brave souls just letting everyone know - it really does make a difference - we are all in this together.


Evelyn - don't let your very upsetting experience with your mother spoil the hunt - we really do need to find her. She can't just vanish

You are never alone here - we are all friends together & all stick together - no matter what happens to us or our families.

All for one & one for all - that rings a bell - perhaps someone should use that as a catch phrase - he he!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


First time I ever spoke about my experience was at college with my friends and that was by accident. It wouldn't have come out then if we hadn't had a new tutor (who's family originated in Africa - if you know what I mean) & we all had to have one to ones with him in a very small broom closet of a study.

I just went very white and nearly passed out - thank goodness he was very understanding. My friends told him what had happened & he insisted on holding my 1 2 1 in the classroom (with the door open if I wanted to) & he would sit a couple of desks away if it made me happier. He was such a lovely guy and it really made such a difference. I didn't want him to think it was personal which made it that much worse.

On a lighter Note/Mood/Thread

Frank the reason we all missed you so much is because you wouldn't stay around long enough for us to get a proper aim. You have to realise - us old foggies need time to take proprer aim - what with Susan waiting for her eye op & Cynthia & the glasses (apologies if i have forgotten someone or mixed them up) and me with my dodgy eyesight & spelling.

We really had no chance of a direct hit

How about a dayglo vest and we put weights in your pockets or around your ankle so you cant run away so fast & at least one of us will be able to get a hit?

Rolling pins don't count - Sylvia & Josie - you have to give him a bit of a chance - its just not cricket otherwise - what! what!

Work is manic as usual - which is why I have been missing so much.



Do you realise its a Year since I had my first eye operation and found you all on this thread. What did I do in a previous life to deserve all this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I just wanted to say a really great big thank you to you all for keeping me sane and listening to an old fool like me pouring out my heart & feelings & booing all over the keyboard. I just think you are such a great bunch of people.


After my 2nd op (1 year on 25th June) I nearly pulled all the stitches out laughing so much with you & your antics. I don't know where I would be today if you hadn't all been around for me & my OH of course he was wonderful.


I apologise now for my depressed state in December after my 3rd eye operation - I was such a miserable so & so in a lot of pain & very depressed - i am so surprise you didn't kick me off the thread.

Instead we had a big party & ended up with Cynthia in her high heels & Frank in a kilt hanging around a lamp post with some wild sporren runnung amock in the snow. One of the funniest stories I have read in a long time.

Long may we continue to be a group of silly ******* who enjoy a laugh but are there for each other in a crisis.



Well I have to be back at the grindstone - i have a load of hotels to book in deepest darkest France & a client who will scream at me if its not done by the end of the day & i really do mean scream at me.


Reece i am so pleased to hear about your OH - tell him to keep up the good work & keep taking the medicine (I promised i wouldn't let you know i had smuggled in a wee bottle of the good stuff to help the medicine go down as Frank & Robert would get upset as not enough to go round)


TAKE CARE ALL - LETS BRING THE COMEDY BACK TO THE THREAD - WE ALL NEED A GOOD LAUGH - WHO'S GOT THE HAPPY PILLS TODAY?