Genealogy Chat

May have just found my birth mother, thanks to a wonderful lady Ann Lee. Need help with writing the first letter without giving too much away and causing trouble for anyone especially my mother if nobody knows about me? any ideas?
Many thanks.:0

I am so pleased for you, but you are right to be cautious. I think you might be able to get some good sound advice from Norcap. They are the society for Adults affected by adoption.

Good Luck, Lou

I think it is better to have a friend as a go between to start off, then if she doesn't want contact it is easier to go through a 3rd party.

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so very happy for you - do hope you get the outcome you are hoping for

Ann XXX

A direct approach would be a huge shock, and could cause distress. As you say, you 'may' have found the person you seek, but there's a chance that it isn't the same person, so caution is essential

Take the advice above, and contact NORCAP.

Good luck

Having been in the same position many years ago I would also advice caution. I am glad now that it was my uncle whom i first rang as he was really shocked --the silence on the other end of the phone was scary ! He then acted as a go between for me as my mother hadn't told her husband or children. In fact it was a long time before everyone was put in the picture. It's worth being patient and discreet . Good luck.

Just want to thank everyone for their kind words and support.
I sent a very basic letter stating I was reserching my family tree, gave my date of birth and where etc also and asking if possibly we may be related. I enclosed a stamp addressed enverlope hopefully then if someone other than she had opened it nobody would be the wiser. Unfortunately not a happy ending. Got piece of paper back two sentences " please dont contact me again not interested" Mixture of emotions now just wanted to be mindful that not always happy endings and we have to prepare for this.

Oh Susan my love - I am so very sorry - I wish I could be your Mum!!! You were so careful in how you made your approach and in time she may reflect on that and have a change of heart

Ann XXXX

Oh what a pity, yet they took the time to write and post the reply, perhaps it's a secret not told to her present family ?

All these TV programs with happy endings dont show the reality.

You did your best , sorry it didn't work out
L