Genealogy Chat

I can understand how you feel Gayle.
Even when we know something about eachother in the family it does not mean that we want it broadcasting to everyone.
Just try to ignore it , and try to sooth your upset relative.

I am new to this improved site and a bit 'lost' on it, but I am sure I will get used to it.
I love the pictures.
Deanna X

Sorry I noticed I have miss spelt some words x

Dear Gayle,

I am sure the person who has caused you so much hurt in your family never intended that, I too have been searching for my cousins family he was addpted from the age of one and has a different name from his bith name.

He is now 80 years old and would love to fined out about his birth family, we know know from addoption papers that he has other birth family but trying to get information is hard.

I have tried several people that I know would know something but they have not got back to me.

Maybe they dont know of his exitance or perhapes they just dont want to know.

It would be nice if they just told me, all my cousin wants to do is find out about his mum and dad he wants nothing from them money wise just some information on his back ground before he dies.

Why dont you contact the person yourself and explain how much this has hurt you all, dont be rude as there maybe a reasonable explanation.

Best Wishes

Carol

I agree with InspectorGreenPen. They must have gone to much time and possibly expense to track down the info and to contact your family member. Without knowing the full details it may be they were just over enthusiastic family researchers who didnt use tact when approaching what they thought were family. Surely you should go back to them and ask what their connection is and why they made the contact the way they did. You can always ask genes to block further contact via the site but other than that I cant see how us members can be involved :S

Whilst I am sorry that this member has apparently caused distress to your family, I think we should just be a little careful in passing judgement, especially as the 'accused' has not been given the opportunity to speak.

If the other member has broken any of the t's and c's of the site, then it is better that you report the facts to GR, rather than on a public forum.

Penny, it is not the news that is hurting the person who was told the news who I think is elderly, but the way in which the person has delivered it and is intruding on the family. None of us have the right to do that. I am sure that most people on here handle these things in a sensitive way but there will always be one bad apple. Or one person who doesn't understand sensitivity.

edit. sorry that seems harsh when I re-read it. As IGP says we don't know the full details, although there are 'bad apples' this person is not necessarily so, they may just be confused by the system. I thought I should edit my post to clarify.

Why are they? Who told who the bad news?

I dont really understand how something you already knew can be hurting so.

Thank you for your reply. I will bear it in mind. (I am just astounded and angry that this person is delving so deeply into the history of families they have no relationship to!) Cheers

Yes the person in question is using this site and probably other sites too. I got the feeling & I might be wrong, that their intention was cause hurt.

That's awful Gayle.

As amateur FHistrians, it is easy to get carried away and assume that the world and his wife is as enthusiastic, but hopefully none of the regulars to the GR boards would be so crass as to 'hound' and lie to a possible relative.

From the researchers angle, a first contact might be to ask if their parents/siblings were x or y, who were your own relatives, but no way should a person be pursued

Hopefully you have been able to speak to the person concerned and asked them to cease, explaining how upset your elderly relative is. Perhaps they will stop and think next time they approach someone.

Doesnt sound every nice but has this anything to do with someone from this site ?

For reasons that escape us our family is being intensively researched by someone who is no relation to us. They contacted a very elderly relative of ours and lied about having contact with me, so my relative thought it was ok to provide information. Then in a stalker-like fashion this person persued my elderly relative to deliver some "bad news" about our family history. My elderly relative now has panic attacks as has been stressed to the point where our family has serious concerns for her health. It was not the "bad news" that caused her stress, but the relentless way this person pursued her in order to deliver it. To this "researcher" our family is just a bunch of meaningless words on a page, to us they were real people we new in life, love and miss every day. When I looked at the information this person had gathered they speak blandly about the deaths of 2 of our family. These people are our blood! We were THERE when they died, it was horrific to witness. We don't have to research our family, infomation is passed down by each generation, we are living family tree. I hope this person is satisfied with damage they have done and will no doubt move on to another family to deliver a body blow.