Genealogy Chat

Please help me. I've read threads about this before - about 'newbies' and inexperienced researchers asking to view your tree - when its pretty clear that they do not have any names that match or only have two or three names or nothing in particular to go on apart from a surname. How do you refuse - in a polite and gentle manner. I would hate to put someone of their research. On the whole I think the geneaology world are full of very helpful and nice people and I wouldn't want to be responsible for 'scaring' someone of. Nor on the other hand would I want someone just taking information that I've sweated blood and tears for when its darned obvious there is no connection. I've tried round about ways and being semi-helpful but sometimes people can be very rude when you refuse. Thanks

Hi Victoria, Yes, they can be very rude but the rude ones are usually the 'I want your names on my tree at any cost brigade'! Most researchers only want the names of blood relations on their tree and this can still amount to an awful lot of people. Most of the people on my tree have a blood relationship with me and I have over 3,000 names on my offline tree. If it was me, I would just say: Due to the large number of complaints on GR about contacts who add living relatives to their tree (even thought they are not related to them) or merely just add names, even though there is no proved relationship, I will only give any info or open my tree to those who can prove a relationship. My own advice is as follows: I would also recommend that NO ONE opens their tree. Put your family history on a software programme such as Family Tree Maker and then you can knock off recent generations when you issue reports and the reports you supply can be tailored to just the line being enquired about, rather than letting a contact see your WHOLE TREE - which is overkill to say the least! Swap email addresses and supply reports to GENUINE related contacts. Just use GR as a means of making contact; but don't use it's facilities for exchanging information. I find this is by far the safest method. If people get irate then you know you have come up against a possible 'name collector' and you should be even more wary. Cheers, Horatia

Victoria if someone asks to view your tree just say you would be glad to show them it if you feel there is a connection between your family members, ask them who they are interested in and what details they have found. If you feel there is no connection just say you are sorry but you dont see a connection and if in future you come across one you will contact them. Dont forget it is your research & they can easily find the same results with a little digging. Georgina.

You could lie and say My Genes tree is not uptodate and there are many errors on it. But I usually just say 'Sorry, I don't open my tree to anyone - but I am happy to send you information on your relatives' This usually weeds out the name collectors and I never hear from them again. The ones who truly want the information are usually happy to accept it by email report. The tiny minority who take the huff at this attitude lose more than I will ever gain. No-one NEEDS to see your tree - they do not share ALL your relatives, unless they are a long lost brother or sister. OC OC

I had one of those a few days ago, asking about Worsleys in Lancashire. My Worsleys are from Lowton, so I asked this contact if they thought their Worsleys were from that area, to which they replied that they had only just started and didn't know. I'm sure they were perfectly genuine, but having read about these out-of-the-blue messages, I am a little wary. I am a little confused by finding some names that have blank birthplaces - the ones I find clearly are not still living (some were born in the 1800s or before) - because for a long time the tree programme has been set up to insist that you put a birthplace in. I know not everyone is sure where their ancestors were born, but I like to put eg. Aughton, Lancashire in even if it's just a guess, so that people who see it have a geographical area to cross-reference with. The blank birthplace contacts I get replies from are almost always looking for a person at the other end of the country to mine, so it seems confusing.

If you enter your relatives manually into your GR tree then you have to add a date of birth, but when you import from certain family tree programs the date seems to be left blank.

I go back and ask ,politely what connection they think we have,and if its only a twig i give the info i have, Have only opened my tree when I,m sure we really are researching the same families. Have opened my tree to several others who are related thro both sides of my Mums family & my paternal mums side. But am very careful to find out first what the connection is. If people are genuine they will get back to you

Robert, As far as I can see no one has said they won't share. They will just SHARE on THEIR terms and not GR's terms or the contact's terms. Many of the stories on these forums have made users wary and I can't say I blame them. People have been adding young children to their trees (often when they aren't even related)! Share by all means; but factor in some safeguards and common sense! Puzzled Bob, perhaps you don't realise that you are not supposed to add living relatives to your tree without their permission. Cheers, Horatia

Hi Robert I must say Im a bit puzzled by your post. How would you share no genetic material with your maternal grandmother. you have inherited an x chromosome off your mother and she in turn got one off her mother so somewheer along the line you will have some of her genes. The problem as I see it with the trees is when people take completely unrelated names.(not just a spouse or two) For example my father was a Hewitt and my mother was a Fredricksen. If someone was interested in my Hewitt tree as we share a common ancestor etc why would they want to then copy a thousand or so fredricksens to go with it. My problem with the name grabbing that goes on here is that information is lifted from this site and taken elsewhere on the internet. A huge problem if living people but also from a researchers point of view anyone finding that site will be a connection that I have no knowledge of,a bit of a blow when you have spent years trying to trace all living descendants of a family,with all the blood sweat tears and money that goes with it its also sad for the person who finds someone in a name grabbers tree because they have no info when the person who actually researched the tree is usually a mine of information. I am also just waiting for the day that some entrepaneur starts to sell the tree info they lift from here,if they are not already. Just my 2 cents worth on the subject Regards Tania

Hi Tania, Yes, I too was puzzled by the genetic material subject matter of Robert's post; but I was too busy correcting his viewpoint on 'sharing' to touch on it. Must say Tania I agree with all the points you have raised. Cheers, Horatia

What I tend to do is ask what info they have on the person they think is linked, and if they do not know I make a suggestion such as 'You will find her father's name and occupation on her birth or marriage certificate - let me know when you have a bit more to go on and then we can see if we match' or something along those lines. I have never had a negative response to a bit of friendly advice such as this, although I never usually hear from them again... Liz :-)

Sorry, Robert, but I think you are way off the mark with your claim not to have inherited any DNA from your paternal grandmother. Human beings have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Half of each pair comes from their father and half from their mother. However, the X and Y chromosomes, which dictate which sex a baby is, is just one pair of the 23. Hence, while I accept that you had to get your Y chromosome from your father (mothers always pass on an X chromosome), the remaining 22 chromosomes from your father could have come from either his father or his mother. Hence you almost certainly do have genetic material from your paternal grandmother, as the chances of all the other 22 chromosomes from your father having come from his father alone are pretty remote! Victoria Re your original question. I keep my tree offline (I use Legacy, can be downloaded for free) and update my GR tree periodically with a gedcom, eliminating all living people first of all. When someone asks to view my tree, first I ask a few questions to try to establish if we do actually have the same person in our respective trees (ie what was his father's name, who did he marry, do you know the names of his children/brothers/sisters etc). Once I am happy that we are talking about the same person, then I say something on the lines of, 'I keep my main tree offline and have a lot of useful notes on that. What I prefer to do is to send you a report from my tree which will give you a lot more information than just my GR tree. As this is an attachment, I will have to send it by normal email. If you would like me to do this, please let me know. My email address is ..............' No-one has ever taken offence at this approach. Tina

Everyone is a complete mix of all their ancestors, male AND female. This mix comes through recombinant DNA, which form the 22 pairs of chromosomes. The 23rd pair, the XY chromosome, the so called 'sex chromosome' is the one which decides whether you are a male or a female - it carries very little other information on it and is not 'recombinant'. This Y chromosome is paased on almost intact to male children, and the X part is passed on almost intact to female children, by their mother. That is why the Y chromosome is so popular as a research marker - it is small, simple and easy to analyse, changes only in small ways and is thus usueful for identifying males to a common male ancestor. But you are the sum of everyone of your ancestors who ever lived! I say again - there is never any need to open your tree to anyone. If you don't want to, then stick to your guns, it's your tree. OC

Hi I'm a newby here and I wouldn't be offended if someone said that they would prefer not to show their tree, although I for one wouldn't dream of asking. If someone feels there is a genuine connection and offers some information then I would be delighted. I have made a couple of connections here and assetained through messages that we did share some ancestors, but I'm puzzled as to how to ask for more information. I also have found that they can be very 'curt' I don't want to know how they found this info as such, I'm on here because I find it thrilling looking for the information myself, and I want the self satisfaction to say 'I found this', but I would like some pointers, vaughny x

Vaughny I would message them and say that you are new to researching and could they just give you a shove in the right direction. If someone says that to me, I usually give them another generation backwards, tell them how I got the information, tell them how to get back yet another generation and ask them to get in touch if they get stuck. The fact that you show an interest, and keep on showing an interest, will probably get you much more information - I for one have stopped handing out 10 generations on a plate because I never hear from them again and I am left wondering if I wasted my time, did they lose interest or what? Most people on here who have researched their trees properly, love the chance to discuss various things with people they are related to. Possibly the ones who are a bit curt with you, have nothing else to share, have not done their research properly anyway and are embarrassed to tell you that! OC

Hello Victoria I was reading your message on the tips board about people wanting to view your tree. I have had to learn the hard way ,through a bad experience. I can only agree with you , like you I only wish to help others build their tree with any info that I have, but it does not always pay to be fully open with strangers claiming to have your ancestors in their tree. Some people can be very persuasive in getting you to open your tree to them,just so that they can add as many names to their tree as they can get,its like a game to them to score the most persons. I was absolutely horrified recently ,to find photographs of my parents in one of my contacts tree''s, a contact who is very remotely related to me, he also had the details of my kid''s names and wife . Consequently I removed all the photographs from my tree Why would he want me in his tree ? I ask myself. So If in doubt Victoria ,If you smell a rat ,then cut their access to your tree, dont give them access straight away without question,and if they sound as if they are getting persuasive dont give access at all. I dont wish to put you off GR because it is an excellent site in my opinion, and I would never have got as far as I have without it, but we all need to take care of our selves these days. I am even thinking about hiding all the living relations in my tree, something that I dont want to do but as my tree gets larger ,the more strange people I get asking to view it. Please take care.

Thanks to everyone who has replied. I myself have requested to view peoples trees - but only when the majority of the criteria has matched, dates, names, places etc and also I have contacted the person prior,letting them know a possible interest (match). Its just that my most recent request from soneone ws that the only thing that 'matched' was a surname variant and a general geographical location. I have sinced politely refused and tried to give tips on searching for more info, the last thing I would want is to put someone of researching, and they would be more than welcome to come back to me should there appear to be anything more matching. Thanks again everyone - and a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS