Genealogy Chat

Up until now all of my research has been done online with the occassional call to archives. This has been mostly due to location - I live in Swindon and my ancestors all lived in and around Birmingham. However, today was such a nice day, I decided to go for a drive to Kings Norton, on the outskirts of bham to see if I could find my ancestors grave. I thought this would be merely a fact finding mission - i just wanted details off the memorial inscriptions. However, I was not prepared for how emotional I would be and was taken aback by my unexpected reaction!!! I found their grave and started jotting down what was inscribed and before I knew it, I was crying!! Am I just a bit of a sop? Hormonal? Have others felt like this? Anyhow, I pulled myself together, put flowers on the grave, took some photos and came home. I would recommend it to anyone - visiting final resting places, that is, not the crying bit!

I felt just the same when I visited my uncle's grave in a war cemetery in France. He had been killed 30 years before I was born and all I knew was his name. It really surprised me how emotional I felt.

I get emotional if i get a death certificate!!!!

Dear Mandy I think it's a natural reaction. I spent hours going round our local cemetery (think I had the map upside down!) to find our family graves. I think its emotional as well because some of them had such hard - and short - lives. Its great to connect with them and to tell their stories. Best wishes Maria

I went with my mother to her maternal Grandparents' grave in September. She hadn't been there for about 66 years and we wandered around for about an hour as she couldn't remember which part of the cemetary it was. They were buried in the same plot 10 years apart and she remembers that around them were their 4 children who died in childhood although there is no evidence of that now 100 years later. Hilary

Very, very normal ... :-)

Hi Mandy Heres a lovely poem. Maybe you could leave it next time you find one. Dear Ancestor Your tombstone stands among the rest Neglected and alone The name and date are chiselled out On polished marble stone It reaches out to all who care It is too late to mourn You did not know that I exist You died and I was born Yet each of us are cells of you In flesh and blood and bone Our blood contracts and beats a pulse Entirely not our own Dear Ancestor..the place you filled One hundred years ago Spreads out among the ones you left Who would have loved you so I wonder if you lived and loved I wonder if you knew That someday I would find this spot And come to visit you. Author Unknown Gerri x

Hi Mandy Yes I get all emotional as well, I remember going to going to Allerton Cemetary in Liverpool by me, and found my great grandparents and my nans first husband who was gassed in WW1 but died at home, on the gravestone it worked out that my nan was only 23 when her husband died and he was 28, I cried buckets, My nan must have of been devasted having not been married long and then he died. Even when nan was alive and married to my grandfather she often told me that Dan her first husband was very handsome and for my 18th Birthday (a long time ago) my mum gave me my nans wedding ring from Dan which I still wear to this day. Now every rememberance day I go the cemetary to Dans grave and put my poppy there. Even though we never knew our ancestors and some people like my OH cant understand why we have a love for them as we never knew them, but in a way I feel we did know them. So your not the only one. Best Wishes Yvonne xx

Thanks Gerri for the poem - have copied it to keep. Been trying to write my own about how we scrutinise our ancestors' lives but then visualise them looking bewildered back at our lives from their standpoint... Liz

Hi I found the graves of my mothers, brothers and sisters who died 10 years before she was born. There was Mary Agnes aged 3 months Doris Mary aged 4 years Daisy May aged 7 years. Albert George aged 5 years. Doris and Daisy died within a week of one another during the flu epedemic after WW1,Albert George had TB.Just waiting for Mary Agnes death certifcate.All died within the space of 4 years. It was bad enough when I found their grave all buried together. But when i received their death certifcates the emotion I felt was unbelievable.When I saw my Grandfathers name on the certificate as father present at their deaths, it just touched a raw nerve. I cannot imagine how him or my Grandmother felt or coped with losing 4 children, but to lose two in one week must have been terrible. How you felt is quite normal!!! Cheryl

Earlier this year I was trawling thru MIs on some web site ( I forget which) and came across my GGG grandfather's name. Luckily he lived in Bude, not a big place . We drove down there not really thinking how hard it might be to find a grave from 1863. But after half an hour or so found not only his grave, but also next to him was his wife's grave and those of his 2 unmarried daughters. Amazingly they were all aged between 85 and 89. He was a coastguard, They must have been tough in those days. It felt strange to stand there more than 150 years later! I cried too, and picked a few wild flowers from the hedge. Nicky

Thank you all so much. I feel much better knowing that what I felt was normal. I did feel a love for them, even tho they died almost 100 years before I was born - strange feeling. I felt a loss too and felt sad leaving them. Hubbie doesn't understand at all, but I knew you lot would! Gerri - that poem is lovely and I certainly will take it with me next time. Thanks guys Mandy XX

Mandy, I have the same problem as you in reverse - I live in Solihull & my Dad's family are all from Swindon & Wootton Bassett, so I do all my research online & by ordering certificates. Perhaps we might be able to help each other!

I think it is normal too. My great grandfather was an artist and I have his palette in my own studio. It still has blobs of paint and a little flower painted on it. He died more than 30 years before I was born but I sort of feel he is with me sometimes. Sometimes when looking through parish records I have felt really sad when I have seen the burial of a young person I found in baptisms or a census. For me it is also knowing that without their existence we wouldn't be here. I was in the Victoria and Albert Museum a few weeks ago and unexpectedly discovered a room full of life sized plaster casts of tomb statues. The amount of genes we have in common after hundreds of years is minute but I stood in front of the copies of the tombs of several kings, queens and knights and suddenly realised they were all my ancestors and I had all their names in my tree. I don't know how accurate the faces of the statues were but I stared at them for ages and tried to imagine what they had been like. Whoever our ancestors were they are a part of us and after hunting for them it isn't surprising that they matter to us still. Sue