Genealogy Chat

My ex mother -in- law, who is now in her 80s, has gone through life with a major chip on her shoulder over her 'stolen' inheritance, bemoaning the fact that her life should have been so much easier if only justice had been done. Her mother had told her that her grandmother had owned a thriving coal business and was quite wealthy. The grandmother was then widowed, and remarried to a man with several children. On her death, the second husband and his sons stole her business, leaving the first family to grow up in dire poverty. Recently the ex MIL ( yes, I still get on well with her!) asked me to look at her family history. It turns out that what she was told is completely untrue. The business belonged to the 'second' husband and his sons long before his marriage to the grandmother. And when he married her, she was an impoverished single mother of three who had falsely claimed to be married when she registered her children's births, even inventing a maiden name. Now I have a dilemma. Do I tell ex MIL that actually her mother was illegitimate? She is of the old school and still regards illegitimacy as a major stigma. Do I tell her that her grandmother was a bit of a fibber and was never a businesswoman and that there was no family wealth to inherit? Or do I keep my mouth shut and let her end her days still moaning about it? Your thoughts please! Mog Oh - and to top it all the grandmother died of syphillis!!

I would start off by telling her that her mother was a bit of a fibber and there was no business. If she persists in wanting more info - then you could choose to tell her by degrees so it won't be too much of a shock. But I'd definitely tell her something. Jill

Personally, I'd let her enjoy having her 'chip' (she'd miss it).........much better for her to feel badly done by, than to realise that she's been living all this time believing a lie... Reg

I think I'd say the grandmother was a bit of a fibber (obviously pretty shrewd though), the truth might be a bit too brutal. I am finding in researching my own tree that there are many family myths, including being related to nobility of the same surname, that some older relatives will swear blindly too even when there is no evidence or even evidence to the contrary. It has shocked me.

I think I would keep quiet and say nothing, Linda

I think I would just tell her that you have found out that the business belonged to the 'second' husband and that he brought it to the marriage. I would probably keep the illegitimate bit to myself, for the reasons you give. OC

I would do the same as Olde Crone. Merry

Many thanks to all who have replied. My OH thinks that Reg is quite right and is highly amused by his response. She has never been so happy as when she's had something to moan about!!!!! The ex MIL would be totally lost without her chip. However I think that the advice from OCH and Merry, old hands at all this, is very helpful. She also wants to know about some aspects of her Canadian relatives and I think she'll be happy with the information I've found about them. I certainly wouldn't be happy to shatter all the illusions that she's had for the past 80 years.!!! Mog xx