Genealogy Chat

thanks for the replys, i have had some really good and freindly advice from people and it has helped me so much in knowing i,m not alone in the way things are going at the moment with reunion with my full blood brother, the ups and downs are hard to take some times , even when yeh up its still really hard, i found it very hard when i first found him and thought i,d never feel so low yet so happy again now that i had found him , then after meeting him again the ups and downs was unreal i really thought i was going mad in the head thought no one else could possibly know how this feels but alot of you on here are going through exacly the same so i now feel some what sane again lol , i dont write on these boards much but i do read and apprieciate everyones time and effort they put into writing to help everyone,, thanks everyone , keep up the good work and help yeh give people even people like me who just look on here,,, sorry if i havnt made much sence,, j x

Hi J Oh - I had not read any books on sibling reunion when I found my birth mother. I knew that I had 'halfs' that were older than I. In fact the half sister that mother had brought up to adulthood was the first one I met, and of course this was not a reunion as we had never met, she being ten years younger than I. She was pleased, and just mildly annoyed with mother for not having told her sooner that I had made contact. Mother took several months to get courage up to tell her. We keep in loose contact now - about twenty years after we first met - as she is abroad. A half bro. that birthm. never told me existed, turned up a couple of years after birthm. had died. This was very sad for him as he had so looked forward to finding her. He was also quite shocked (as in 'gobsmacked') to find that he was actually one of eight, not the single mistake of an innocent young girl. He has got over this and is pleased to have family. The older ones, whose lives were disrupted by my own arrival, there again we have loose, as in Christmas card and occaisional letter or 'phone call, contact. They were a lot older than I. They had not seen mother for around thirty years as they were kept by their father and had a stepmother.. I found them and reunited them with her. This was my aim, not necessarily for them to know me. That was just a bonus. They have had broken marriages and know how relationships change. This applies to the two girls (now in their early 70s), but their brother, although perfectly polite, did not encourage close contact as he had a loyalty to his stepmother, so I do not contact him. He was in no way unpleasant though. I have not met the 'halves' on my birthfather's side as they are in Canada. They had always been told that they had English sisters, so contact was not a shock for them. We have contact by e-mail and msn etc. fairly frequently. This I hope gives you some idea of all the different scenarios that you may encounter. I have a full sister whom I have not managed to trace yet. Maybe she knows I am looking as I have messages out on many sites, and post frequently on this site. She may know I am looking for her and not want to make contact, or she may not know, or even never know, if she does not wish to trace her birth family. She may not even know that she is adopted. She is nearly 61, and if she has never needed a passport, or if her adopted parents have managed to keep things from her by saying birth certs. etc at 'lost', she may not find out... this does happen even with people our age. Anyway, this is probably not a lot of help for how to do it, just a series of different ways connections happen. There are as many 'possibles' as there are people searching. A book is only really going to be a series of experiences, such as those that are on this site. You can probably get as much, if not more, help and information from reading all the threads started by Jessbow, as you would from any book. There are a lot of us out there, and we are pretty good at sharing, and supporting eachother. best of luck Eileen (birth name)

hi j im glad you started this thread as im always looking out for a good adoption book and can never seem to find one,its nice to read other adoption stories and reunions and how people have coped hugs your p.m friend angie xx

The only book I have got which is pretty good is one published by The Children's Society called 'Preparing for Reunion' written by Julia Feast. It covers reunions from all angles and is certainly thought provoking. I ordered it on Amazon. Good luck.

can anyone recomend a book on sibling reunions if there is one , i have a few books on adoption but nothing really to do with siblings,, blue eyed boy is one book i found good but cant seem to find any others...