Genealogy Chat

hi maureen, i wish you luck in your search for your baby. hazel.

hi , i had a stillborn son in 1961 . when he was born i asked whether it was a boy or girl, all i was told that i'd had a boy but he was seriously ill . i asked if i could see him the anwer was no not at the moment. i was wheeled into a room and left alone for 2hrs then the doc came in to tell me that my baby was stillborn. i never did get to see him, and all i know is that he was buired with someone else,the hospital told me not to worry about anything theywould see to it all .but when i asked where he was buired they could'nt or would'nt tell me hazel.

Hi Maz and Nell, My son took me to the graveyard the other day, where the baby was buried. Unfortunately the whole place is in a very sorry state. I usually don't mind visiting graveyards and cemeteries - in fact I quite like them (I know I'm weird, lol), but this place is in a complete mess. The church has been demolished and the graveyard is surrounded by earthworks and landfill sites, so there has been a lot of movement in the ground and even some of the most recent graves (1970's) are falling to bits. We couldn't find any headstone, so later I rang the nearest church and the vicar there said there isn't a churchyard plan as such, but he did have the sextant's book, which showed a grave number for the baby. He was buried with a two year old little girl who was buried the same day, but there is no headstone. However, as it happens, the vicar is performing an interrment of ashes into a family grave for someone today (Saturday) in this graveyard, and he said that he will look through the book and see if there is a grave close by with a headstone, so that this will give us a bearing on where the baby's grave is. I have to ring him next week to see if he managed to find one close by. I'll let you know what happens. Nell - if you know where your in-laws lived at the time of the baby's birth and death then it might be worth checking with the local churchyard (or record office). I have the feeling my mother-in-law didn't know about where her baby was buried, as I don't remember her ever mentioning going to visit the churchyard, although she was a very private person, so she may have gone without saying anything. She only ever said once that she had lost a baby and gave us no details at all. It was only last year (well after m-i-l's death) that I traced his birth and death records Kath. x

Kathleen Glad you found out. My parents-in-law had a baby that died aged only 2 minutes and I only got the birth and death certs after my parents-in-law passed away. I have no idea where this baby is buried. nell

Hi Kathleen, just seen your update, so pleased that you have found him! Your m-i-l may have been in the same position as my own mum - she was still in hospital when my sister was buried. Dad made all the arrangements without consulting her and she was expected to just 'get over it' and carry on as if nothing had happened. Mum remembers overhearing her aunts talking about her saying 'I can't understand why she is still crying'. I think that was sadly the way things were handled in those days (this was only in 1965). Unfortunately, I would imagine it unlikely that there would be a stone, but there may well be a plot map somewhere showing where the burial was. It might be worth contacting the Vicar before your visit to try and find out. Good luck and let us know what you find please. Maz. XX

Just wanted to give this update. After adding to this thread on Monday, I decided to ring the local cemeteries department for this area to see if my husband's baby brother had been buried at one of the cemeteries. They couldn't find a record, but suggested that I ring Durham County Record Office to see if they had burial records for the local church where my in-laws lived at the time of the baby's death. I did this, and today received a copy of the burial record for the baby, who was buried in the churchyard 4 days after his death. It seems strange that my mother-in-law never mentioned this. We are now going to visit the churchyard (it is quite close to us) and see if there might be a headstone, although they didn't have much money so there might not be one. At least we now know what happened to him and I'm really pleased that we checked. Kath. x

Thanks for that Maz. I think we may try and find out where my husbands baby brother was buried - we still live reasonably close to where he was born and died, so will be able to check with a few local cemeteries. Kath. x

Kathleen and Meercat, My mum had a daughter 2 years after me, she only lived for half an hour. Dad did everything without her input and it was never spoken about again. A few years ago she gave me the grave papers. I got the birth and death certs (v upsetting in themselves) and phoned the cem, she had been put in a grave with strangers. A good friend came with me last year and we went to her grave and laid some lovely white roses for her. The position was horrible and I have not taken my mum, although she did look at a photo. Although it wasn't pleasant, I felt really glad that I had been - as if I had acknowledged her existence. We now plan to add a memorial to her in the baby garden of the cem where my dad is buried. You will find that most cems nowadays will have an area where you can do this with a plaque or a tree - the person doesn't need to be buried there. Obviously whether you look for the original burial or not is up to you, but I can honestly say that I am glad I did it. As Nell said, if you search this board with 'stillbirth' then you will find some useful threads, including one that I set up. Maz. XX

Hi Meercat, Your mother must have been very sad all these years having to keep that to herself. If the babies were both registered and had death certificates, does this mean that they had a proper burial somewhere? I hope so, as my husband and I found out recently that his mother had a baby a year before my husband was born, with the same name as my husband, but he only lived 12 hours. We have no idea what happened to the baby. The birth and death were in a nursing home in 1946, and we were wondering if it was worth looking for a grave. Kath. x

That's really sad Meercat, but I hope your mother was pleased to at last have some concrete recognition of the existance of her two babies, in the shape of certificates. Kath. x

Thankyou Sandra. Gail.

I have nudged Pauls one up for you.

You're welcome!

Cheers for that Nell. Gail.

No. Before 1927 there was nothing. After 1927, the stillbirths register began. But it is a closed register, access is only for parents and siblings of a stillborn child. More information here: www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/stillbirths/ If you put 'stillbirth' into the search box at the top of this message board you will see that there are lots of queries about this and you may find some useful extra information. nell

Please could anyone tell me if you would get a birth certificate, when you have a stillborn child? Gail.