Genealogy Chat

Hi Everyone xxxx Im back again (late into the night as usual lol) You know how I said the other day that someone had told me it was illegal to trace someone thats been adopted, unless you do it through a mediator kinda thing. Well what if I put a message up on a missing you board and one of my aunts or uncle then contacted me because of the message. I havnt actually traced them have I? They have found me hey? So I wouldn't have done anything wrong would I? Angie go to bed lol Love Angie xxxxxx

Hi Angie I don't think it's actually 'illegal' as in breaking the law, it's simply that there are procedures in place to protect both the birth mother and the adopted child. It's very tempting to just put up messages, but I'd ask you to please think very carefully and proceed with caution. The whole process is not one that can be taken lightly. You could do a great deal of damage by trying to cut corners - some family members might not know about the adoption, the birth mother might have closed the whole business out of her mind, etc, etc. There are just so many pitfalls that it's best to use any help or advice that's on offer. Please don't think that I'm being negative because I'm not. I've simply been on the receiving end of my birth mother's anger and bitterness, and I'm very glad that I took the statutory counselling session that was offered, as well as using an adoption counselling service. I do wish you every success in your searching, Mandy

Hi Mandy Thank u for replying xxx The adopted (I think they were adopted not 100% sure yet) children im searching for are 65 yrs upto 69 yrs of age both thier parents are sadly deceased (my natural grand parents) I will tread carefully. My dad was also adopted (they all share the same parents) and ive just found 1 of my dads brothers (they stayed with thier mum) and my other uncles :( family which im so happy about as is my dad. (my dad will be 75 in august and hasnt seen his brother for 69 years!!!!!!! and he's never met any of his neices or nephews so hes well chuffed. So with regards to birth parents not wanting to have thier past brought up doesnt apply in this instant, and yes your right I was terribly worried about how my Uncles would react and was desperate not to upset them, happily all the new found family are as happy as me :) tho I do understand that the remaining Uncle and Aunts may not be as happy. For this reason I have posted a message for them on a site in the hope that if they see it and wish to contact me they will know ive been desperatly searching for them since 1999. I have tried to put one up on here but for the life of me cannot figure out how to do it !!!!!!!!!!! Thank u for your help Mandy it really is appreciated xxxx Angie xxxx

Hi Angie Yes, that's the thing with adoption - I don't think there are ever two cases alike! I suppose the only thing you might have to be careful of is if the aunt and uncle don't actually know they're adopted. I think nowadays, practically all adopted children know that they're adopted but even going back to my own childhood 40 years ago, my parents heard of other adopted children who had only found out in later life. I'll follow your story with interest - keep us posted! Good luck, Mandy PS: The 'Trying To Find' board on here is a nightmare! I think you have to put the person in your tree, then you can add them to the board and remove their name from your tree.