Genealogy Chat

Angie, Maybe we should start up the dark eyed olive skinned club :) Love sharon xxx

Jill - you did take a big chance, but hopefully it will turn out ok, and you will both be happy in finding eachother. I did the same - actually just turning up, not even 'phoning - I too was lucky, but not everyone is. You will see this if you read the threads on Adoption Hugs and Hints - there are hundreds of postings on Hugs and Hints part 1, 2,3,4, and now on part 5. I have a lovely chatty relationship with my youngest half-bro in Canada, and good though not so frequent contact with other 'halves'. Good luck Eileen

Hi I'd like to tell you briefly my story. I was adopted to a wonderful family but alsways wondered. Now at 44 years of age I took the plunge and contact Social Services and was given access to my adoption. (there are agnecies in Australia that will help you). Once I had my birth parents name I started searching. With some help from some wonderful people (Missing you) Last week I learned that my Birth Mother had passed away in 1985 BUT found my younger half brother. I did something really stupid and rang his home number and after the initial shock and a ream of questions we have agreed to meet up next week. My advise would be try and found out what you can but don't expect anything - that way you wont be disappointed. My brother is willing to meet and chat as he does not have any other birth family left, It may not be successful but I think it will and pray that my little bro and I can be good friends if nothing else.

Hi Sharon gosh sounds like my predicament lol feel exactly the same as you, think a lot of my feelings come from the fact that I never had any grandparents :( my dads adoptive parents died way before I was even a twinkle in my dads eye lol my mums parents died 2 weeks after i was born and 8 weeks after i was born :( so I never got to have the pleasure of how my parents are with my 2 boys (sorry men now I stand corrected lol) I don't know the reason for my dads adoption unfortunately I know dad was the eldest and I knew about 2 of his brothers and 1 sister and found the other siblings searching the BMD's although dad did know he had more siblings (listening through doors as a child to grown up conversations) Dad seems to think it was forced upon his real mum, and that his adopted mum stipulated she never make contact with him again (they lived quite close to each other) but the rest is a mystery and dad only being small and listening in I cant be sure he heard right lol. im trying to tread very carefully at the mo and for that reason did not blurt out in the letter I wrote, any connection to whom I may be. It is true that getting access to adoption items including birth certificates was very hard Nottingham registar simply refused point blank and I had to travel to London to look for the details and obtain dads birth certificate that way (with dads blessing of course he knew his birth parents surnames and his own first and middle name had not changed and I knew when he was born so only took me 2 hours to find it) I am quite pleased with the progress ive made so far (its taken me long enough started in 1999 lol) I am doing much better on my real grandads side and have got back to my great great grandad and nanna. so who knows where ill be with my tree next week lol. Love Angie xxx

the best answer I can give is: It all depends. The honest answer is there is NO TELLING who might think what of who, and why - Do you know anything of the CIRCUMSTANCES surrounding your fathers adoption? It sounds a llittle odd that one child in a line of children was given for aoption, when there were older and subsequent younger ones ( do you know there were, or are you thinking there might be?) What you MUST do , is be 100% certain of your facts, absolutley catgorically , before you approach anyone, ESPECIALLY if you dont know the reason for his adoption- sorry , dont want to waffle, nor put you off, but do cross all the T's and dot All the I's before you contact anyone, please When you do, if you do, and you say you are building a family tree, who are you going to say you are in that tree? - it might be better to say you are doing a one name study of the particular surname in that county/area, and see what names they put forward. they might well come back including the name you seek , in which case, they have opened the door not you. THEN its tip -toe time! Jess x

Hi Angie, I can understand your worries. I feel like it at least once a week! Dad was adopted/fostered through the church in 1917ish and I too wonder where my olive skin and dark eyes come from. Dad had even lost contact with his foster family and I found their decendants accidentally, trying to google for some possible links to his time in the Navy. The branch that had moved out to Australia were looking for their English links. I sat up crying till 3am waiting for a reply to an email. I've met Dads nephew ( lovely lovely man!), who was able to give me a pile of photos of dad when he was a boy and young man. ( my son is som uch like him then it brings a little tear to my eye.) Which still leaves dads birth family. I know his mum used to come and visit him ( but he wasn't much interested) So it looks like things were dificult enough for her to give him up for what ever reason but did care. Part of me wants to dig, his mother and her siblings would be dead by now. Then I wonder what on earth would I say? In the mean time they are on my tree here ( just in case a decendant starts to do their tree here) and I keep researching our ancestors to find out about the nature part of me rather than the nurture although I think my dark eyes and olive skin will be a mystery for some time to come! This probably hasn't been much of a pratical help to you but I hope you don't feel alone with those feelings. sharonx

Hi Nell That was my worry although I do respect thier feelings, and would close that door if they so wished (hoping they dont tho lol) I think I may have found one of my dads brother and have wrestled with the fact. I have wrote a letter not saying that I am related or the fact about my dad but giving the rest of the families details ie: names DOB places of birth etc etc. saying I am doing my family tree and asking him if any of these family memebrs are related. It took me weeks to pluck up the courage to send the letter and to even think about what to write as said I dont want to cause anyone any hurt or upset im just so curious as to my paternal grandparents and uncles and aunts. (wanting to know why im so olive skinned dark eyed and hair as my mums fair with big blue eyes lol) Angie xxx

Angie Slow down. You haven't found any of this family yet. I don't know how things work in Australia, but over here, its very hard to get adoption information, even if you are the adopted person and have access to your adoption files. It's possible that your fathers' uncles are dead. Maybe none of the rest of the family know anything about him. There are people on this site who have faced the same dilemmas, so they can perhaps help. But remember that although you are keen to be connected to your father's true family, they may not feel at all the same way. nell

I dont really think a lot about what im doing (bit like a bull in a china shop sometimes) get way too excited but this time ive stopped to think. My dad was Adopted im researching his real family (unfortunately he didnt have a nice upbringing from his adopted family :( ) I have craved information of these 'lost' grand parents aunts uncles since my dad explained about adoption when I was a small child (think I was around 6 when he first told me) dad would talk wistfully about the family he left behind even though he was only 6 himself when he was adopted. My worry now is im doing my tree what do I do when I actually find my dads real family? what will thier reaction be? will my 2 eldest uncles remember my dad? will they want to be reminded to the fact they have a niece they knew nothing about? what about the uncles and aunts that were born after dad was adopted wont it come as a massive shock to them? (they all share the same mum & dad including my dad) im worrying now lol because my worst nightmare is to cause anyone any upset or pain. Gosh this is so hard :( Angie (sharing her thoughts to get things off her chest again lol !!! ) xxxx