Genealogy Chat

If you write and she doesn't want contact now (shock etc) - then at least you have given them a name and address to go on if she changes her mind. Watch out for strangers watching the house though!!! Curiosity you know.

Yes, I think a lot of men arent that bothered. I know when I proudly presented my hubby with my efforts re his family he just nodded and I said Arent you excited? And he said, 'They are just names of people I dont know' Isnt that awful? But I guess men have to be less emotional than us, eh? Wouldnt be able to start wars otherwise, would they!!

Thanks Irene all the replies and support, help to convince me that contact is for the best and at least that way we know we have tried..... If she does want to know then even better.... Thanks to all Mhairi

Mhairi I think that relationships and contacts are often more important to us women! Perhaps this woman will feel the same. I suspect that it may have to be you who writes that letter. Good luck. Do let us know how you get on.

Good Luck to you and your husband in what ever you decide to do. It is always difficult. I had a happy ending to my finding of a relation but of course not everyone has the same outcome. I always think if you do not try then you will never know. Regards and Best Wishes to you. Irene

Thanks Nell, I think I will need to do something ... Hubby's not really bothered, but he is so laid back he is horizontal...lol I have a massive family and we are all really close... Hubby has a small family and never see's anyone from month to month.... But I think I will send a letter and a S.A.E as at least if she is not intreasted , I know we have tried and not just let it slip passed.... Mhairi

Mhairi I would NEED to do something! I think I would write a carefully worded letter and enclose an sae. Then if this person isn't anything to do with you they can at least let you know that. A letter will give them time to frame a suitable response, rather than phoning, which puts them on the spot! Good luck nell

Thanks Jenny, Its a tough one as not all people see family connections the same as you.... Mhairi

Thanks both of you.. Gwenne, my hubby's father died about 5 years ago.... he is not to bothered about getting in contact... I have recently got him back in contact with a couple of cousins..... My hubby's dad was the youngest of 10 children and my hubby was the youngest of 6 children... So all rellies seem to be alot older than hubby.... Two of hubby's siblings died young and one wants nothing to do with the family as hubby's father was an alchoholic... Hubby's mum died when hubby was only 10.... I wouldn't dream of a phone call out of the blue but I might write a letter if I can ever find the write words without either hurting or scaring this woman to run a mile....

What does hubby want to do? Is his father still alive? How come hubby didn't know about the other marriage and child? What do you want to gain by contact? As the spouse, you can't really force the issue. You could be opening up alot of old hurts so go gently. I can fully understand your enthusiasm but think this through, then if it seems right, a letter would be the best approach I would say, as it wouldn't put the person on the spot in the way that a phone call would.

It may be lovely for them both, eh? Nothing ventured ........................

Thanks Heather , my hubby's dad wasn't the best of dad's to him, so I wouldn't think he was a dad at all to her as we never knew she exsited.. Mhairi

Oh its a hard one isnt it. But I think I would have to do something - perhaps a letter would be best first do you think? I think some of the guys who have contacted lost rellies on here may know the best thing to do.

I went to the records office in Edinburgh yesterday, I was searching and found out that my hubby's dad was married before... He has a daughter to his first marriage and is still living in Edinburgh.. This woman has married and has children the same age as me and my hubby... My hubby doesn't have very many family still living and I thought it would be a good idea to get in touch.... I have looked up the phone book and have found an address and phone number which is possibly her's as the surname there is only 10 listings for that surname..... What do you think we should do...... Thanks Mhairi