Genealogy Chat

Am I the only one to find it frustrating that people don't reply to enquiries? Surely everyone who posts information on this site WANTS to find connections? Isn't that the idea? This is happening fairly regularly to me (although I have to say I have also had successes too, for which I'm very grateful).. When somebody contacts me, and there turns out not to be a connection between us, at least I'm polite enough to reply and say sorry I can't help and good luck. Or is it something in the way I ask??? LOL Seriously, I'm confused and frustrated by this. Any advices anyone?

Hi Rachel There have been umpteen threads about this subject. I'm afraid it happens to everyone. Most of us do have manners enough to say please and thankyou but there are quite a few who don't. I don't think it will be anything to do with the way you ask! lol Jeanette x (who will reply politely if you find a connection with my tree! lol)

Nichola Even if someone is no longer a member they will still receive notification if you contact them first. And they will be able to reply if a paid up member makes the first contact. Perhaps they don't realise this and use it as an excuse to be ignorant! Jeanette x

Adding to Jeanette's reply, The only time they wont receive notification is if they have changed their email addy and not informed GR, which if they have left the site they won't have. Margaret

Jeanette...I certainly agree with you...but there is no excuse for ignorance. Just a " Sorry I can't help you" is sufficient....I received an answer the other day which said " NO ".... will keep an eye on that name!!!!

I'm so annoyed about this I'm making my first post to a board! My problem is people who get in touch about a genuine connection but then never reply after you send them some info. Like everyone I've sent out messages and never heard anything back but I can live with that. The people I'm talking about have a whole new level of rudeness! I've now had 3 cases. Each time I've supplied everything I know about the family (sometimes quite detailed information that I've gathered over years) and then I hear nothing. I'm left wondering did they receive my message? Then I look at Genesreunited again and guess what- they've added every bit of information I supplied. Is it too much to ask for a simple "thank you for the information you sent"?? After the first person I stopped giving access to my tree and asked for an e-mail address so that I could send info direct. I thought that might weed out anyone who just wanted to acquire my research but obviously it didn't. I'm so fed up I've removed my tree while I think about whether I want to keep using this site. Only problem is I have had some genuine successes and met some really nice people here. Is it just me or is this a particular problem with this site? I've contacted many people on other message boards and never had this happen.

Thanks for all these thoughts. Much appreciated. If a contact is a long shot in terms of possible connection, I don't mind too much if they don't reply. What I did find frustrating was three or four contacts whom I KNOW to be relatives and not too distant ones at that. I got so excited about being in touch with branches of my family that I'd lost touch with... Alas, it's also possible that I'm too impatient too..... :( Once I get on the scent, I'm eager to get to the source NOW! LOL I've had a few wonderful people who came up with huge amounts of new information for me and I made sure I said a big thank you before I added the new info to my own tree. I can see it must be disheartening if people just take.....

I have found that some people add vast numbers of people to their tree and when you contact them, if/when they do reply they know nothing at all about the person in question. This could well be one reason that they do not reply. One particular person I know of on this site has gathered huge numbers of people, some of them my relatives and my research via a third person, and published them on this and other sites. Some of my people are still living and some of the detail quite personal. I have sent a message and asked him to remove the living people, and no answer. Christine in NZ

I think the most frustrating is the time I contacted someone who added my whole name including middle name as a new name on the summary list and I never did get a reply, the only difference was the birth date was a few years out but by much. A simple reply yes its you or no its not would have been nice.

Sorry I haven't got back to this thread sooner. I was looking for hotel and trains for the Liverpool meet. I'm soooo excited! lol Anne I quite agree. It doesn't take much effort to send a polite reply even if you can't help. Marion I certainly wouldn't consider you rude. Firstly, you can't help being in hospital. And secondly, I don't think I'd be inclined to reply to somone who wrote that. In fact I'd be praying I wasn't related! lol. In my opinion, to write what that person did is extremely bad manners. Jeanette x

Just wanted to add my frustration to this board too. Have had several people contact me for info, and having spent time and effort typing a detailed reply haven't received so much as a 'Ta very much'. Good Manners cost nothing :) One man said the branch he was interested in wasn't on my tree (after I had given access) and could I email the whole gedcom. I knew the branch was definitely there and asked him to check again. Not so much as a reply. A few days later another contact with the same surname but different forename asked for the same info! I began to suspect this might be a professional researcher who could then charge his/her client for my hard earned info. (A friend had this happen to them), so removed access to my tree and am now more cautious. Incidentally I was never given access to his tree despite a request! Maybe I'm paranoid but its taken several years and a lot of time and shoe leather to build my tree and whilst I'm happy to share with those of a like-mind to me I'm not sure I want someone else to make a profit from it! Feel better now after that mini rant. Kate x

It happens time and time again, sorry to say - have even asked GR to check someone is subscribed, and tried again, but no response! Shame. Joy

The most stupid one I ever had was from the tyring to find board. Someone put a notice up, I sent him a message the next day - no reply. Why did he ever bother to ask the question!!?? Anne

In reply to Kate, it's not just effort and shoe leather we put in, it's money as well! I waited weeks for my student loan to come through so I could order 5 certificates I was needing to continue! However, it made me more determine to post many messages on here to try and get a response - needless to say I don't always get as many replies as I want. I seem to keep sending off for certificates at the moment and I don't think my loan is for that! Oh well, at least I'm committed about something! And I use this site as a well deserved break when I'm writing essays... or writing essays as a break from the site - either way! Jo