Genealogy Chat

hi can anyone give me any information on trying to find my birth mother,the only information i have is my birth certified,and my mothers last know street any information would be great as i have been looking 4 five years on and of and just keep hitting a brick wall im sure im doing something wrong thanks paulette

Hi Paulette There is a very nice lady (Joan I think?) who runs a search site (something like 'my folks' I think); I don't know it but lots of people have mentioned it favourably and I'm sure someone will add it here for you. I used Norcap when I traced my birth family. They are a national adoption charity and although you have to pay, the fees are fairly low. Besides doing the searching (or helping you to do it) you have unlimited access to their counsellors, and can also use one of their intermediaries to make the initial contact on your behalf. From experience, I would definitely recommend that you use someone experienced in these matters to help you with the initial contact. Good luck and best wishes, Mandy :)

Paulette, Try Joan Allan at www.myfolks*co.uk She charges a small fee to cover the cost of her equipment but she has helped a lot of people on this site. Crista

You should first of all go back to Social Services or the Adoption Agency to find out what is on your file. Your birth mother may have left a message for you. I got an enormous amount of information which enabled me and half siblings to locate our extended family. Previous to this I only had my birth parents names and addresses at the time of the adoption. My half siblings were told she was an only child from Ireland whereas she was really from a large english family. It still took a very long time to locate the birth mother but through good fortune we did. However we did promise not to divulge who we were or to disrupt her family in any way - she'd made a new life and it wasn't fair to destroy it. However looking/finding your birth parents does have an effect on your emotions even if you don't think it will. I would strongly suggest you contact a local Post Adoption Agency (there's the WMPAS in Birmingham) who will go through the pitfalls and offer advice too. (wrote a letter for me). I believe its a charity and doesn't charge but I may be wrong about cost. You could ask Rachel or there's another person who does electors roll lookups on the Records message board for a lookup if you have your birth mothers name. However she could have married/remarried so if you are anywhere near a library that has the BDM fiche's you could lookup a marriage for her just before and after your adoption. If after all this you get nowhere try looking at the electors roll at the time of your birth/adoption for years either side. Ask the local library where the archive electors rolls are kept for that year. See who was living at the same house, next door neighbours etc. How long your mother and neighbours who might have information had lived there. I got very lucky recently and was given the name of a local know it all who was able to give me another contact which subsequently led me to a cousin on my birth father's side. If you find her don't rush into meeting her - take it steady and take advice and don't frighten her into not wanting contact. Fear is one of the first things that make birth parents reject contact so an intermediary is advisable and assurance that you aren't going to cause them trouble is often necessary to make a good reconciliation. There's also lookupuk*com and missing-you*net where you could search and leave messages. There's also a link to adoption match in lookupuk. Try friends reunited to see if she's put herself on there (possibility for younger mums). Good Luck

There are many books on the subject of adoption reunions. I have recently bought one at Amazon called The Adoption Reunion Handbook by Liz Trinder, Julie Feast and David Howe. It has got loads of facts and tips on the whole process. Well worth the £12. It also tells you that there is a 90% chance of success in being runited with your family members. But as others have said on this thread, be very carefull and do it correctly. Good luck to all in their search for their lost families and friends. Kind regards Margaret