Genealogy Chat

Before i even started doing gen. I used to spend a lot of time with an old lady, helping her around the house, shopping etc. One day a letter arrived from a young girl in Canada, who mentioned that she was doing her family tree, and thought her grandfather was related to her and also gave many details to prove this. Anyway this turned out to be true! However the old lady just said to me," i can not be bothered to write back to her, if she had rang me i would have spoke to her and told her what she wanted to know". I felt very sorry for this young girl. So i offered to reply, on her behalf and just to explain the situation. To cut a long story short the old lady said she did not want me to do it. A few years later iam doing my tree and i was looing for someone in a small town. I phoned everyone in that area with that name. I found who i was looking for and went to their house and had a brilliant time. Their son then told me. " Good job you did not write a letter, as he never writes to nobody, we dont even get a christmas card". So if i had wrote i would not have met them. If i need to contact some one and they live abroad i write. If they are in the uk and i know their phone number i ring. Ive also wrote many letters, but i find that most people do not reply to mine. Yet i enclosed a SAE and as much information as i can to prove that iam a relation. Good luck in what ever you do! Sarah

Again many thanks for the encouraging messages. I went ahead and posted off 9 letters. Already I have had a lovely note back from a lady who couldn't help but wished me well and a long letter from someone who may be connected way back but also has been in contact with someone else with an interest in our family. Even if these are the only replies I get it will have been worthwhile. I still intend to take up the idea of flowers and a note on the grave next time I visit. Judith

I wrote that kind of letter myself, and got lots of replies, most just to say sorry they couldn't help, and one lovely phone call from a nice lady. I included a stamped addressed envelope, my e-mail address and a nice polite note to apologise if i was bothering them in advance. Good luck

I tried writing to someone locally, on behalf of a contact through GC who lives in Australia. Even though I gave my phone number and enclosed an SAE, I got no response. I guess with so much fraud going on these days, people are very suspicious. I also went to the village my great-grandfather grew up in, but I had no such luck with any family graves. Glad to hear your trip was more worthwhile!

i've written a couple of letters to relatives. it's difficult to phone because you don't know what to say to people. with a letter it's not so awkward. i've had of replies, which have been helpful. go for it stew

I've written a letter to someone in NZ Judith, like you I couldn't phone, but did want to make contact. I kept it short & sweet, said who I thought/hoped they were, who I was, and asked if they would be kind enough to respond by post 'phone or email to enlighten me, either way. (Tugging at the heart strings;) Go on, give it a go, nothing to lose Best of luck Sam

If you are positive that the grave does belong to your relative then you will kick yourself for ever more if you don't make the contact. If you are good at expressing yourself on paper then write a letter but remember that letters can be interpreted in different ways so write in easy to understand sentences remembering that the recipient may not be as clever as you. If on the other hand you feel safer when talking- then telephone. good luck Dave

Great to hear your success stories and encouragement folks. I'll let you know how I get on. Judith

Hi Judith I found a family branch this week and took the plunge and phoned! And guess what - the relative in question is also researching the family tree and was really struggling with my branch! I think phoning can be OK as long as you think carefully about how you are going to say things and make sure that the person knows that they can say 'no thank you'. Sylvie

I have sent letters to people and have had a good response. I would not phone them. They can throw a letter in the bin but a phone call is more difficult. Helena

It is difficult to make sure that people know that you only want to make contact and perhaps talk about memories. I suppose fear of the unknown or opening old cans of worms can be very strong. I think the note at the graveside is a really good idea. They will know that you cared enough for someone you have in common to visit the grave without being intimidated by you knowing their address. People can be very funny about post, almost as if a letter coming through the front door is an invasion of privacy. Later on, if you get a good response you may get an invitation. Your sensitivity does you credit and probably will protect you too if it doesn't work out. Good luck Abigail

Hi Judith I would definitely say write a letter or something along those lines. My family lost touch with my grandad's brother and sisters when my grandad died 24 years ago. I didnt even know they existed till i started to research the family tree about 6 months ago. I had no idea they would still be alive. A kind lady on this website looked up all people with my grandad's surname (as it is quite unusual) in the country on the 2003 electoral role, and found someone that could possibly be my grandads brother. I wrote a letter and now am in touch with him and several of my grandad's niece's. They know lots of information about my grandad's parents and families and have filled in a lot of missing gaps in my research. Also have sent me some photo's of my great grandparents which i was thrilled with as i have never known what they looked like. Give it a try and I wish you Good Luck. Kind Regards Sharon

Hi Judith, I would take the plunge I found my Mum's cousin taking the plunge. Nat

Thanks for the encouragement folks. Crista, wish I'd thought of the note idea when I was there. Next time I'll go prepared.Now I need to go and buy those stamps and take the plunge. Could take me a while to compose the letter though! Judith

Judith, Why not leave a note at the grave? Crista

Yeah go for it - stamped addressed envelope included may persuade people to repond too

Judith I have done this and in one case got a very blunt no i cant help you i am not related oh i did put in a stamped adreesed enverlope but then on the other hand i wrote to someone and she was related to me even phoned me and we have remained in contact so i think if i was you take the plunge and write otherwise you will always wonder.

Hi folks. I've just had a day out in the area where my gt grandparents lived. I took photos around the area, including one of their house and found landmarks I remember my nan talking about - brilliant :-)) BUT I also visited the cemetary and found my great uncle's grave with fairly recently laid flowers so I assume I have relatives still in the area. I have extracted a dozen addresses for their surname from the phone book. I'm not confident enough to just phone them but am wondering whether to write to these people. Has anyone out there had experience of doing such a thing. If so how did you get on? How do I go about it without making these folks think I'm after their life savings! Judith