Genealogy Chat

Hi,

I have a relation that passed 34 years ago and finally found his grave but it is unmarked. I have since found that
a former girlfriend ' took over' the arrangements at the time and owns the grave deeds. The local council have written to her twice asking for her to allow me to erect a headstone and she will not give me permission { this has to be sour grapes on her part, thinking the grave can stay unmarked}. I am banging my head, the council have said 'this is the only route we can take' if she won't give permission then thats it! Why can someone who is no relation have this 'power'? I just want to mark his grave, acknowledge that he was here and being the last relation, I do care that he is not forgotten. Is there anything I can do?

I really couldn't say for definite but I think if she paid for the grave then there is nothing you can do at the moment.

The only other thing is that I'm pretty sure that she will only have rights over the grave for a certain length of time - sometimes 25 years, sometimes 50 years. If she doesn't pay to renew her entitlement, you may be able to pay and then erect a headstone. I'm not sure about this but it is worth asking at the cemetery just how long she has the entitlement to the deeds.

Kath. x

Hi Kathleen,

Many thanks for your reply, I will ask!

My friend had a problem with grave deeds.
They form part of a person's estate and as such the deeds for my friend's mother's grave passed to a second wife when my friend's father died.
The second wife had since died and rights had passed to her son.
It seems very sad that someone completely unknown to the original deceased can hold so much power.
Fortunately for my friend she was able to contact her stepbrother in time to bury her own brother with his mother.
I hope you too find a way to resolve your problem.

Gwyn

Hi Gwyn,

I am happy that your friend was able to resolve this problem, it just isn't right! It seems that there is nothing that I can do, I understand the council being worried about being sued but surely after this length of time it is pretty obvious that the former girlfriend just does not give a damned, so his grave will continue to be unmarked......

Just a thought, I have known of a case where the deceased requested that their grave be unmarked, is it possible that this could be the case with your relative and the girlfriend may simply be respecting his wishes.

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer

I wish that was the case but there was no request for his grave to be left unmarked,

Hi Hoobity and amokavid,


Thanks for you thoughts, a woman scorned, as they say, I guess this is her ultimate revenge. It is incredibly frustrating as they were only together for a short space of time.
She absolutely will not speak to me....and we don't even know each other....go figure??