Genealogy Chat

I'm an adoptee looking for information on my birth parents, but don't wish to ask my adoptive parents for any information, which does severely limit the progress I can make. Birth records are no help, as I was obviously not registered under my current name. All I know that is of relevance to my search is that I was born in Yeovil, Somerset, England on May 29 1981. If anyone has any information or advice on how to go about furthering my search, I'd love to hear from you.

I cant say I have ever been in your position, or in the position of the birth or adoptive mother, but first, why do you want to find your birth parents? I think you should probably tell your adoptive parents you would like to know more about your origins, and give them your reason for wanting to know. After all, if you go behind their backs and then they find out they will be hurt. Dont rush into it, just think about your reasons first.

Ryan ring the adoption service at the local county council - they will assign you a counciller, tell him/her that you wish to apply for your adoption file

They will guide you every step of the way

Ryan, also do a search for Adoption hints/hugs on this site.

There are several threads & they're for adoptees who need help & support.

Ozi.

Minnie and Ozibird, thankyou for the helpful and supportive comments. Huia Old Crow, maybe a little less judgemental for the next time you wish to comment on a subject you openly admit to having no experience in. All I wish to say on the machinations behind my search is that I do not feel terribly compelled to uncover this information - at most it is mild curiosity. That is why troubling my family with this is not something I wish to do.

Ryan, I don't think Old Crow was being judgemental. I think it was a genuine comment.

"Think about the reasons why you're going into this & don't rush into it."

Reading about 25 pages of adoption hints & hugs chapter 5, I'd say there are many adoptees in your situation - unsure if they wish to proceed. Only you can decide. But read those threads. They're fascinating.

Ozi.

Hi Ryan
A few good websites to check out are:
http://www.forums.afteradoption.org.uk/?section=000100010013 you can read the forum but if you want to post you will have to register.
Also
http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/default.htm
Also
www.grov.gov.uk and click into adoption. This site will explain how to access your original birth certificate and your adoption file.
Good Luck with your search :-)
Cheers Gerry

Ryan, yes read the adoption hints and hugs thread, and make a note of Joan Allan who helps adoptees, and contact her.
Re: why do you want to know? I don't think there is anyone who is adopted who hasn't 'wanted to know more' at some stage of their life. With girls it is usually around the time they have their first baby themselves. Boys are often far more 'shy' of searching.
The desire/need to search also comes and goes. Sometimes for several weeks it will be very strong, then something in one's everyday life happens and takes up one's thoughts, and the desire goes back on the shelf for a while.
Your 'mild curiosity ..' is a good attitude to have as hopefully you will not be expecting wonders. As an adoptee who is now 63, and has traced most of her family, I take the view that you have knowledge i.e. you know how your life is, and that it is good /ok/you don't need change, but you would like to know.On the other side there is someone out there who wonders about you every day. You can tell your birth mother that you are ok, you don't have to do more than that, it is your choice, she does not have to be part of your life.
She may tell you what happened, but she does not have to. That is her choice,and she does not have to have you as part of her life either.
Remember too, that giving up a baby, even if you know that it is for the best for that baby, is an awful thing for a woman to decide to do. She will never forget and will always feel guilty. She may well blank it out to preserve her sanity. She may have a husband and family who know nothing, so she may dread that one day her past will catch up, even though she will want to know. So, do tread very carefully, if Joan Allan is able to help you, take her help and advice.
Good luck
Eileen, birth name.

Sorry, Ryan, I wasnt intending to sound judgemental. I was just trying to look at it from all sides. Perhaps I shouldnt comment at all.

Ryan

Good luck with your search, as a fellow adoptee i understand your interest, after adoption is a good site and has plenty of fellow adoptees, having traced a lot of my past myself and met two half siblings, i would suggest you go via social services, as you say Yeovil is where you were born, providing you can give them your birth name, and date of birth, they will be able to find you and will pass your birth records to your local adoption services. your adopted family should have the court adoption ref numbers that refers to your case from your adoption order.....good luck and any advice or help feel free to ask.

Good luck with your search, and I hope you find the answers you are after. . There is a lot of literature that you can find over the internet about the whole process and what you may find.
I have been doing research for my father inlaw and have found a whole new family, birth mother has passed away, but there are a few other siblings and cousins etc...Be prepared for everything though.good and bad, I have found out that there were other siblings also adopted out. I am in close contact with one of them, but the other siblings from the birth mothers family are having trouble understanding what the birth mother got up to in her past. I can understand completely,
I began the search looking purely for medical information, we will never know the birth father, but at least we know the birth mother was a wonderful person who did the best at the time for all her children,
Good luck in your search.

Hello Ryan,
HOC's comment may indeed sound judgmental to you at this time. I guarantee that in the future it's meaning to you will be quite different. When I started looking, I too thought the same as you that some replies were as you described. Now I know they were only trying to be helpful.
Good luck in your search
Paul