Genealogy Chat

I need advice on trying to find my husbands son, not really sure on how to go about it properly so no one gets hurt and it has a positive outcome for all concerned.

Are there any organisations that maybe able to help

Georgina the site that Derrick has given you is for Joan Allan who is a member of GR.
I haven't used her services myself but she is spoken about very highly.

In Australia a register has been set up for parents looking for their children, and adopted children seeking their birth parents. Is there nothing similar in England?

While I can't quite remember how to access it, I do know that when I wanted to find them it wasn't difficult [I have a friend who was adopted].

I THINK they provide at least some preparatory counselling.

Victoria

Hi Georgina,

Is you step son over 18 ?, also have you much info to go on reg his mother ? maybe you can get in touch with her first if they are still on talking terms.

Sheila

Georgina, if you give a bit more info, such as why you need to contact him, what sort of age he is, if he was adopted, etc, then people may be able to point you in some possible directions.

(But don't forget - DON'T give any personal details which might disclose peoples identities.)

Good luck.

Bee

My husband hasn't seen his son for 15 years, it was a very bitter break up and the mother made it virtually impossible for him to see his son. Now he is turning 18 she cannot stop him being traced. Eventhough my husband had all the backing from the courts she was still allowed to take his son away, and that can't be right, and where ever this leads it will give closure, I just hope that it has a happy ending.

Georgina

Georgina,

Have you thought about using the Salvation Army. They try to put families in touch with each other. I don't know much about them, but many have used their tracing services. Perhaps someone else on Genes can advise on their suitability for resolving this sad problem??
Best wishes,
J

Hi Georgina,

I can't begin to understand what your husband is feeling but I am a mother and a grandmother so I can sympathise.

I don't know anything about tracing people in such circumstances BUT I wonder if there are any other relatives who might be understanding of your husband's situation.

Surely, if the circumstances are as you say, other close relatives must understand - maybe the'ex-wife' has parents or siblings who would be willing, at this stage, to corrrespond?

Best wishes to you both for a happy outcome.

Dea x

The ex girlfriends parents didn't agree with what she did, but at the time they let her carry on. I know that sometime later her mother was seen and said that she hadn't seen her or the child, as far as her siblings go she never spoke to them, It seems that she alienated herself from friends and family. We think that approaching her family at this time before he turns eighteen all she will do is up and disapear,like she did all those years ago and this is the first time we have been this close.
It is so hard to know the right thing to do, as there re so many people it will affect including my own children and we don't want anyone to get hurt.

we contacted the Salvation army but there is nothing they can do until he turns eighteen. If we can find where he is then we will turn the information over to one of these organisations so they can approach him, probably better than we can. Emotions will be running high by then.

Georgina,

Obviously you know best.

It is obviously very difficult - perhaps you could try to think of someone - a friend, relative, neighbour etc., ?
who would be most likely to be on the side of the father (your husband), and try to make contact with them?

I don't know what else to suggest but if you want to talk - pm me.

Dea x

I'm really new to this what does pm mean?

I would be happy to approach her, she doesn't know me. I would go and speak to her family but my husband isn't so sure that would be a good idea knowing what she is like for dissapearing. But he was adwarded the Parentle responsibility by the courts not that they ever up held it when she broke the rules, but my husband did keep all the court records and the letters so it there is ever a meeting he can show him that to proove he didn't just walk away. I think the saddest thing is that he has brothers and sisters here and I know my husbands family will be here to welcome him.

PM me means send a private message (which no-one else can see.

Click on my name and the box will come up to send me a message.

Dea x

Hi Georgina,

Have you looked on records to see if she has now married ?, maybe if she has a husband may be able to talk her into agreeing to a meeting.
SS normally have intermediates to act for adoptees and birth families,maybe they could help here.

Sheila

Will have to go soon (getting old now and need to go to bed - grand-daughter coming tomorrow so need my sleep !!)

If you want to talk - leave any messages and I will read them 1st thing tomorrow!

Dea x

According to the records she never married on paper,we spoke to the salvation army when he turnt 16 and this is where the law has the grey area we can approach him but only with his mothers say so,but if we wait until he is 18 then she isn't allowed to interveine. I would hope after all these years that she has mellowed, and wouldn't try and stopthem being in contact but my husband is worried that if she did have an input it would be negative as appossed to supportive.

yeah I should go really school run tomorrow. I will email you tomorrow