General Chat

mum will be ok just give her time

Awww Anita hun

My mum was a bit like that when I told her I was moving away but in the end she came round and was happy for me. Didnt stop her saying I told you so when I came back lol but I moved away with us both on good terms she even came to visit for a couple of weeks. Im sure your mum is just a bit shocked as she probably never expected you to move away.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

its your life and you now need to think about you 1st

dont worry your mum will come round , just remember shes your mum and mums are like that

omg thats 26 words

SORRY ANNE BUT MY FEELINGS WOULD
BE THE THE SAME ,,AN I DONT ALWAYS GET ON WITH MY KIDS,,,,,

LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN KIDS GO TO UNI
EMPTY NEST AGAIN
IN HER HEART MAYBE

Anita well done look you made Keith use lots of words lol

Keith you best go have a cuppa all that work will wear you out before ya start ya job pmsl

lol jax

LOL Jax - well at least I can understand his written word lol

Keith - thanks for the PM x

pmsl

No contact tonight .............................



sheesh - this could last for ages cos we are both as stubborn as each other

I am taurus and i never give in first but she is your mum so remember she just don't wanna see her little girl go.

Anne, break the habit of a lifetime for once, don't leave things like this, just give your Mum a quick call on a pretext if necessary, ask her about your curtains or something, just to make the contact again.
Lizx

Liz

I promise I will - I don't want to let it linger really.

Trouble is - i feel i should say sorry but how do i do that without it touching on the subject she doesn't want mentioned ??

If she doesn't behave fairly ordinarily, say I am sorry you got upset and I did too, but let's talk about something else today, at least you will have made the move towards peace lol
Good luck Anne, I know it is hard.
Lizx

Anne she is just upset.

give her time and she will be okay.
It is very hard when your kids move away... ans at least you know that she is upset.
Some mothers would have said nothing and be pining away on their own. That would be awful for her Anne.

Just give her time, she thinks you are both deserting her, which you would not be doing.

And Enjoy your new life.

Deanna X

Please ring her Anne the longer you leave it the worse it will be and someone has to make the first move.

Liz's comments are constructive.

Take care.

Linda x

i know its hard but wish you luck, ive forgiven my mum some things probably some would't , i just look at it then when she is no longer here i wont have the guilt, guess you have to reasure her that its a lot easier to vist people now in different countrys sorry for waffling its me tablets not me xxlol.

Been on the other end and can understand what your Mum is feeling...

Mum and Dad moved away from me and my brother about 7 years ago. Its only over the pond (Ireland) but she was always there when I needed somewhere to run to and my Dad always on hand when the car broke down or there was a leaky tap.

Still miss them both like crazy and there are times when I'm a bit resentful (usually when I really need a hug) however they are so happy where they are and I think it is the best thing they ever did.

Make sure you keep communications open (my phone bill is huge and Mum does not do computers) and arrange visits (which makes you appreciate each other more and gives you something to look forward to).

Give your Mum reassurances that it is only a short distance and you can always pop back if required. Also ensure she has a good network of friends/ activities she is involved in as this will help keep her occupied and not focused on the fact that you are not there.

Be prepared for some emotional blackmail after you do move. Keep strong - she'll get used to the idea eventually especially when she realises its something you need to do for yourself.

Karen

Oh dear - now I've my brother sighing and tutting at me cos I said I should call her and break the deadlock.

He thinks i should let her come to me.

I must see my mum through different eyes to him and my Dad, as they have both now said to me in recent conversations that she is manipulative :O(

Anne, yes everyone always thought my mum was wonderful, but I saw a manipulative side to her too so I know people can see others differently. I realise now my mother was probably jealous of my freedom to go abroad and do things that she never had the opportunity to do. She was the youngest of a largish family, not overly well off, and went away to work after her mum died, and then when war came she ended up in the Land Army. She was engaged to be married but her fiance died of tb before the war ended, don't think he was well enough to serve at all, don't know a lot about him, but she did tell me some things. At the end of the war she met my father, who had been all over the place as a soldier, Burma, India, Egypt etc etc and just wanted to settle down, have a family, house and garden, and that is what he did. They never had much money so didn't have wonderful holidays and he never took Mum abroad, said his travelling days were over. We never had a car either so travel was coach or train.
I think now that the fact I was able to get a good job, travel, buy my own house as a single woman, not that I ever got praise for that, was told why didn't I just stay in my council flat ? a council house was good enough for mum and dad... and Mum made me feel guilty for going away to work for a few months, and later going to live 70 miles away for a couple of years with a partner, and like a fool I aimed to please so came back home and stayed. I know how much pleasure both my parents got from my son, and he from them but I turned down several chances of a different life because of them, and maybe made the wrong decisions. That's why you must try your new plan Anne, and let your mother come to terms with it.

Still think you need to call her soon, tho.
Lizx

Anita, if you can then go to see her with that mother's day card - that will work wonders, believe me.
Don't let it drag on as this will ruin your proposed new life. In fact, I bet it will stop you going if you don't sort it.
Definitely discuss it again with her and tell her you expect her to come often and who knows she may also want to move as well!! You don't have to mean that last bit!
I would also work out how long it would take you to get back if you needed to - she may need that reassurance. It takes me abt 2 1/2 hrs to drive to my mother's and, even though I don't visit as much as I would like to, it reassures her that we're not all far away.
Good luck with the move!