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A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly
I noticed that
there were three cabs not just one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully
replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of
the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba,! Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your
right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. Now your
left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was
silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the
top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had
asked; he was standing
there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too
hard to finish the
exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, "How long
have you been bed ridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she
answered... "Why, not for about twenty years -- when
my husband was
alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
so, how's your
breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for
the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
replied. I then
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
packet labeled "KY
Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady
upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing and
further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
and sheepishly said,
"I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
doctor, but the song
you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
Wiener'."
--won't admit his name
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