General Chat

My mother once went to a jumble sale, (I was buying my own clothes by then so she wasn't going to dress me) and bought me a car radio for when I had a car.

My Christmas and birthday presents were always a bit of money which didn't involve any time or thought.

As a child I always wondered why I had to wear jumble sale clothes but was told we couldn't afford anything else. Probably I would have been very happy if she,as a friend did when she had small girls and no money, made a bit of effort to alter them to suit a little girls tastes, but I was in old peoples shabby looking stuff that was ten years out of date.
I couldn't understand why it was so important that she had a cigarette in her mouth at all times when I had seen how expensive they were on the grocery bill.
Apparently the cigarettes were necessary because of the effect I had on her nerves.

My usual birthday gift is 2x£1 coins taped inside a cheap card sent with a 2nd class stamp, that arrives late !
This year I was TOLD to wait in for a parcel that would arrive Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, which turned out to be a small shopping bag that was free with something she got from Damart!
Oh whooppeee!

The last birthday present my mother gave me, now sits on my kitchen window sill as a reminder..It was crudely wrapped and given to me with the words, "if you don't want this throw it away, I won it for 10p in a raffle".She was by no means poor and we always gave her nice presents even when we couldn't really afford them. Her almost last words to us were in hospital when we had visited after an appalling 100 mile journey in extreme winter weather conditions, she said " I wish you would go, you are of no use to me" says it all really, my brother also had the same treatment.Some more motherly moments, on my wedding day "if things don't work out, don't think your coming back here because the moment I see you coming up the front path, I will be leaving out of the back door" and 3 years later after the birth of her first grandchild, she stayed back to whisper in my ear "Peter hasn't paid me your insurance money" our son was less than a day old!
I'm glad I'm not alone,I always thought she was a one off, as all my friends had lovely mums
Anne

Sitting here stunned. So much I feel I want to say, but am physically shaken and near to tears - haven't even read the article yet. Will need the right time, probably when the house is empty.
what gets me is that I can feel like this when I thought I'd completely dealt with everything years ago - various mentors/doctors/counsellors, endless talks with close friends who knew, and with my darling aunt (offending mother's younger sister) and with my own sister - will have to work out if Ithink she's strong enough yet to read all this for herself.

Apologies, but B****y H**l! So many others in the same boat. We have no idea, do we? Thank you everyone, I know that this site is going to settle things for once and for all - peace at last.

nudge to keep up the understanding of personality disorders

nudge cos I need to show it to my friend....

Nudge for the people on Lindy's thread.

OMG - cannot read it all but it is her - it is my mother and if I had a pound for each time she said 'you have a vivid imagination' I would have a very tidy sum. She also had a clear field as my dad was at sea most of the time. Her lies OMG her lies and she believed them. Have a friend for over 50 years who knew her well and friend was also a high-up mental health social worker and regularly tells me she is surprised that having had a mother like I had - that is a miracle I grew up normal!

Thought it might come in handy.

Stella and Eeyore.
Good luck and peace to you. It is probably the most important thing I have ever read too and I am just so grateful to the person who wrote it.

Sharron

this thread turned my life around.. i never knew there was a name for the way my mother treated me ... like someone said...so many little things...have destroyed my life , but since this thread i know i am not alone and i can put it all in a box in my head now and not dwell on it now...freedom after 60+ years....

I read this........I understand now.
I sent it to one Sis & said just read it & tell me what you think........She say's it all makes sense now.
But my other Sis..cries so much she can't read it,she tries but it's too real.
Thank-you whoever found this-we will rebuild but at least we have some peace now.

Nudge for a new friend.

Gail

Thanks guys xx

n

as someone wants the thread.

n

You could never write it all down yourself could you.Nothing big to say,just several million little things that add up to a great deal of unnecessary misery and stress.

It should never have happened but it is good to be reassured that it was not all in your imagination.

Good luck to you Wee Annie, and to the rest of us who had to endure it unsupported.

I feel bullet proof now. my kids are great. we have the usual arguments, the same as any family but always make up. Insight is a wonderful thing.

Hi Wee Annie.

I hope the thread is kept up as well. I managed to cope with a narcissistic mother until she passed away. Now trying to manage a brother who is the same way.

I am now well armed thanks to this thread, but they can still manage to inflict hurt.

Gail

Hi all
Just read through all the posts. Will Look at the article when I have time.
I was lucky had good parents and grandparents( well on one side anyway) My mother and her mother were estranged. Mum walked out. The bravest thing I think she has ever done. She was always quiet, but said all the right htings and always backed me in anything I did. After I was married, she said to watch out for my mil, as she reminded her of her own mother. She told me all of what had happened, the longest I had heard her talk. Boy did we talk, it never stopped till she died.
Thing is she was right about my mil. But I was well armed for her.
They are all dead and buried now, but lessons learned and passed on to my children will, I hope let them deal with something of the same nature.
My family now have little or no contact with my oh family. Thats the way we like it.
Thanks for the thread.
I know you will keep it up