General Chat

thankyou all for you replies i really do appreciate them. i know i have along long way to go and any advice is most welcome.

Mr tealy

Elaine i am ashamed of my attitude towards my wife
i was a coward i only thought of what i wanted and i didnt concider her feelings i went for councilling to try to find out what was missing in my life and why there was always bad feelings its only when they dig deep into your mind and you have to be brutaly honest with yourself and realise that the only person to blame is you. My wife has repeatedly told me i was controlling her i thought i was caring for her i completely got the two the wrong way round she has now filed for divorce and to be honest i dont blame her. thank you for sharing your views with me
i know it cant be easy for you

Mr tealy

Hi, just popped on briefly before I sign off for the night. Mr T., firstly I commend you for having the guts to admit you have a problem. At risk of sounding patronising, that's a very big step forward.
And you have a lovely wife who also has the guts to put it on here. (((HUGS))) to both of you.

I was told by my hubby a few years ago that I was a control freak with our two adopted children. I was horrified, had no idea, but I'm so glad he told me. I was able to put it right. We know a female control freak, who's like it with her daughter, and everyone round her. Her daughter (12) hates her, and this woman is storing up a load of trouble for the future. Nobody can tell her, though: she's always right.
Good luck and keep us posted, eh.
Take care, both of you.
xx

Mr Tealy You have to ask yourself many questions, and if you find you can't answer them all honestly, then you need to seek some help. To control somebody who you love to the exstent of makeing them so unhappy, is to take away that persons right to decide what they should do, that persons Freedom and given right make choises and shape that persons own destony.
You might not think it at the moment but just by you admitting there is a problem your half way there. To make the finish line and it's still a lot of work to do yet, Get some help from somebody that deals with this kind of thing all the time. The CAB would be a good start they can put you intouch with the people you seek.
Hope i said all that ok. All the best.

Divorced Mine best £14000 I ever spent

Mr Tealy, I wish my OH had the guts to do what you have done but he would not contemplate going for any therapy you see it is the therapists that have something wrong not he. I do realise that there are two sides to a story and he may think my stregnth is a threat and this is why he tries to demean me. I would have given him the earth but over the years I have had to control my emotions so much because any signs of weakness made him worse. If I was ill he would pounce and as I was living next door to his mum who was also a control freak they would both have a go at me but they say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I will believe I am the stronger I must or go under. Elaine.

Sharron what made you keep going back and why

Mr Tealy

I had a narcissistic mother and suspect the old man may be that way too,but not as bad. Having returned to my very insecure and jealous ex nineteen times.The twentieth time he told me to get out and stay out ai did.He was amazed.Apparently I was disloyal.

I don't walk out of relationships,I give them all I've got,but that reached a point where the going up was no longer worth the coming down.Twenty odd years on he is still waiting for me to come to my senses.I think I may have done so.

Mrs tealy here

Its extremely hard to live with a controlling man, almost impossible to be honest and does make you wonder if its worth all the trouble. I totally sympathise with anyone out there who is trapped in a relationship like this as the person doing the controlling does tend to make you feel like its all your fault. I agree insecurity is usually the the reason for it but there is only so much reassurance you can give a person. constant critisism wears you down .


X

Elaine,that sounds like extremely hard work.I'm sure the rewards are enormous.

So many damaged people,so sad.

I am not brave but i will not give in. Yes my husband is a control freak but i know what his childhood was like and I know he is a very insecure man, I think it is fear that makes him like he is. On the other hand I had a super childhood with loving parents so I am by far the stronger of the two. I have worked with dogs and find that training dogs has given me the ability to teach without losing my cool. This also works with children, loose your temper and you get nowhere. The same goes for an insecure man. If I feel that I am going to snap I take my two dogs for a walk (good for me and space for OH to cool down) I must admit there are times when I bite back but I am getting better they say practice makes perfect and I am trying hard. Elaine.

Goodness me Elaine i thank god that i came to my senses
Mr tealy

Maria yes you are right about how many sides to a story but there are some cases if you take to long to listen you have a death.

Hi Elaine,

How brave you are to post.

Kind regards
Amanda x

I saw a bully a few days ago. A "big bully" who made his girlfriend and his mum scared of him.

And all I wanted to do was give him a cuddle because he looked scared and confused and lost.

Maria x

EDIT - not always, but sometimes, do you think there's 2 sides to every story, or 3 sides (yours, mine, and the truth)

I too live with a control freak. He is always right, anything that happens is always someone elses fault (usually mine). He argues with the radio and tele, every thing is mine my house, my cars etc. he treats me his wife like a victorian father would his children. Fortunately he has stopped hitting me and I am quite a strong person but I am tuned into the car coming in him getting up in a morning and look to see if there is anything that will annoy him. Sometimes the no word of the day for instsnce knife will set him off, the trouble is I do not know what tjhe word is until it's too late. It's like walking a tightrope. Elaine.

I will bring up my thread about Narcissistic Mothers for you.It may have no relevance at all but you never know.

i have just realised that being a control freak means you feel you have to prove to yourself and others that your right all the time, and forceing your point of view instead of just being your natural self. I think this boils down to being insecure and having parents who are also very controlling. I have now to take a step back and take in others peoples needs and wants in life, especially my wifes.

Mr Tealy

Isn't this a wonderful thread? So much hope.So positive.

Mr Tealy well done for being able to see