General Chat

The book is called The End of Overeating, author David Keppler

My brother's marriage finally broke up when he was diagnosed as diabetic in his early 50s. It had always been a volatile marriage, but his wife stayed regardless, I think she was basically uncertain about living by herself.

But after F was diagnosed, he would apparently really get mad at her because she wasn't cooking the "right" foods ..... this is hearsay from both of them as they lived in the UK. Finally, she left.

F managed his diet really well after that, managed to avoid having to inject himself with insulin, but he did have problems with meals out. He travelled a lot, driving all over the UK, as part of his business. He discovered that split pea and ham soup was safe to have at lunch in a cafe ......... until the day he nearly fell asleep at the wheel on an A road (luckily not a motorway). Turned out that SOME split pea and ham soup was not as safe as others!


BTW ........ after about 6 months separation the two began going out together once or twice a week, and even had weekends away together! It was at the start of one of those weekends in 1990 that he had a massive heart attack, and was probably dead before he hit the ground. He was 61.




I am checked every year for diabetes as a result of his history.


I am just listening to an interview on the radio with a US academic who went dumpster diving for 6 months ....... in those big garbage cans behind restaurants looking for labels on food used in the restaurant industry. He's found the incredibly high levels of carbs, sugars etc that is in the food they prepare. He's just published a book on it ....... but they've not yet said the title!!


Janey ............ he's saying that Canadian restaurants are better than those in the US!

Oh Lyndsey, he's a bit like you with his KitKat bars. ;) But no, this really wasn't of his own doing. Believe it or not, nobody had ever told us this business about infections and what they can do to glucose levels. We just had no idea -- him any more than me. When he first went to hospital, we just thought he had some sort of hideous flu.

When they ejected him from hosp, they didn't provide any genuine instruction -- just more haranguing about testing and testing and testing. Well, when your instructions are all about testing before meals and adjusting and testing after meals and adjusting -- and *you're not eating*, which he wasn't because he was too sick -- what do you know?? He was doing his NPH (morning and evening "background" insulin) and did test and adjust for the two meals he ate between Friday evening and Sunday evening (a cup of macaroni and spaghetti sauce Friday night, and two slices of whole-grain bread with egg salad Saturday morning). So why would he think his glucose was back to crazy? -- and he still wouldn't have known what to do about it if he had!

No, I'm not worried that he's playing manipulative games. Whatever denial etc. there is, it's all his own, not aimed at me. What you describe, Lyndsey, yes, that really is abusive behaviour.

Btw, his blood sugar was at 49 when he was admitted to hospital on Thursday last week, just in case you want goose bumps. It was 20 when I took him back Sunday night. DKA again, but caught it in good time.

I shouldn't make myself out a martyr, you know. ;) The Delia Whosit side loves to cook! And the obsessive-compulsive side loves counting carbs. If it were just me, I'd be living on chicken salad sandwiches and Miss Vicky's potato chips. ;) I cook, he washes up -- and does the laundry and cat farming and gardening and snow shovelling, and half the grocery shopping, and the banking and bill-paying, and looks after all my computer needs (for my work). And is pretty good company. We really are amazingly well suited!

But the danged thing is that as a result of *my* deciding some time ago he was going to take on some more responsibilities to lift some weight from my shoulders ... I'm feeling dependent. I wouldn't know how to reset the router if it needs it while he's languishing in hospital!

Yes, Liz, I'm looking after me -- I'm up at 6am to try to get some work done so I don't get in deeper hot water with the vicious clerks and their bosses. ;)

Hiya,
I convinced my best friend to leave her diabetic husband. He was playing very silly mind games expecting her to deal with his diabetic foolery, calling ambulances and restoring his sugar levels, all very stressful and extremely selfish.
He was convinced he could eat and drink to excess and get away with it, leaving her to pick up the pieces, the poor woman was living on a knife edge and near to physical and mental breakdown. Of course once recovered he would forget all the abuse he had given her.....hmmmm convenient.
She moved into the flat above me, divorced him , got half of everything, and guess what ? He didnt die. He of course soon picked up with another woman, an ex nurse who wont stand for his nonsense .so thats put pay to his little power game.
Now I'm a full blown insulin dependant , and if that Mars bar kills me its my choice and no I dont want to be revived!Rather go out like a light than watch my toes dropping off, but thats my own decision and nobody will have to be responsible for me. Diet and exercise is the only way to manage it but the slightest infection can send sugar levels off the scale, so not an exact science. Theres nothing to beat home cooking to know there is no added fat salt sugar.
So as long as he knows you will pick him up each time he will continue to eat badly, I take it you have heard of tough love ? Only have the good foods in the house so there is NO tempation around, its not a diet, its eating for life!

Well that man is surely lucky you chose to let him stick around, Janey, after the temptations and possibilities of a while back, he could be even worse than he is now without you to watch over him and care! I hope he shows suitable appreciation as soon as he can, and that he will look after his health better and work with you in keeping himself as fit as possible so that you can continue to work and keep him in the manner to which he has become accustomed.
Don't forget to take care of yourself too,

Lizxx

Exactly, Sylvia! You saw my list up above of what was on No.1's tray at lunchtime? It wasn't just me being stroppy - he couldn't believe it, he could *taste* the sugar in the beef stew! Sugar in beef stew?!

We figure it's because dieticians are used to dealing with people who were reared on white food -- potaotes, flour, milk, white rice, white bread, crackers, spaghetti -- and/or fast/junk food -- and they figure the thing only way to do it is have them eat the same food, just measure / ration it.

For the amount of carbs on that tray, I could have provided an absolute feast, full of vegetables and flavour. Even just a decent beef stew, for pity's sake. Why not try at least to set an example, offer them some new ideas, when you've got a chance, when they're captive in a hospital bed? ;)

Hi Janey


sending good thoughts to you that he will be sent home at the proper time this time, and you will have no more visits to Emerg!!

OH was in hospital 3 years ago for colon cancer. The other patient in the room had the same operation, was in his mid-70s, diabetic and ran his own company making desserts suitable for diabetics. He had a cheesecake that was absolutely yummy!!

HOWSUMEVER ........ he had problems in the hospital, nurses kept giving him h*ll 'cos his blood sugar was all out of whack, and for leaving his food.

He told them to look at his meals


"Diabetic" meals provided by the dietician ............ full of sugars and all the wrong things!

There was usually just one item that he could safely eat.


~~~~~~

Aargh, eh? So many people affected by it, and it is such a depressing and frustrating thing. No.1's great good fortune (haha) is that he was not diabetic until he was nearly 50. Less time for it to wreak its havoc, over his diabetic lifetime.

The haranguing and the lectures -- and the different things from different people. Someone I was giving his history to last week (when he couldn't talk) ... I said he'd been misdiagnosed as type 2 for too long and deteriorated badly in the interim before he got properly diagnosed and put on insulin ... well, she said, he could be on insulin and still be type 2 ... so there's me feeling ignorant and untutored. This time, him being lucid, he made it clear in no uncertain terms that he had (eventually) been diagnosed as type 1 and not type 2.

Florence Nightingale and Delia Smith. Yes, Ann o' GG, I think you've captured me. ;) Not without a little Jane Tennison, though!

Katzchen, a bit of sweetness ... yes, well, his theory is: as much as he likes as long as he does the insulin. Originally I planned it that I'd sometimes do a super low-carb meal (chicken caesar salad on pita, e.g.) so he could have his dessert. Then dessert just became standard. And it's not as if *I* need dessert. ('Scuse me; pudding ;) .) I have created some lovely low-carb desserts though, cottage-cheese based, and will be happy to pass on the recipes! Mmm, sugar-free strawberry jello cheesecake. Better than it sounds. But it's not a fudge brownie no matter how you dress it up.

Jean, I'd give my right arm if he were ever hypoglycaemic! That's what they did warn us about the signs of. Nothing was ever said about DKA, or what might trigger it. From now on, he gets a sniffle, he goes to the clinic that instant. Maybe if he gets with the program properly I'll get to see hypoglycaemia some day, and I will jump for joy and hand him a KitKat. ;)

what is it with men that they just don't listen?

Janey, we are both insulin dependant in our house, though it's me who does the looking after. He has had trouble recently with autonomic neuropathy, which is affecting his bowel and his heart. At last he is making the effort to eat more and not let his sugars go so low. He has generally been below 4 and can be standing with a blood sugar of 1.8! There are so many foods he will not eat that cooking is a nightmare. I do understand what you have been going through. when mine is having a hypo and refuses to recognise it is the only time you hear me shout at him, and then you could hear me all along the street. It works, though!

Oh Janey - what traumas - I now see you as a cross between Florence Nightingale and Delia Smith!!! You must be absolutely traumatised and worn out.

I had a lovely boss, best one I ever had, who was an unstable diabetic. He didn't look after himself at all in spite of being a very highly qualified nuse - he was a qualified General nurse, an RMN and an RMNH but when it came to himself, he was rubbish. He used to go hypoglaecemic regularly and we all paid the price!!! me especially!!! He got arrested on more than one occasion when people took him to be drunk and he said the most outrageous things to people but he was just a fantastic man and I loved him to bits. Even though he often called me a stupid bitch!!!

Ta, Glenys -- and I'll pass it on. ;)

~~~ wave of support for Janey from us all ~~~

I keep saying things like "check that he hasn't expired in my absence" -- I emailed a friend the other day that I had to go home and take him to the clinic because he was "sickening to die", thinking I was being facetious because of course he had man flu ...

So.

Guess where I was last night til 4 a.m.?

He should not have been discharged. I should have raised a stink. He is back in emergency in DKA again; diabetic ketoacidosis, look at me, I speak the lingo.

*Not* his fault. He should not have been taken off intravenous insulin and bang, sent out the door, contrary to what we'd originally been told, that it would take a couple of days to make the transition off intravenous and stabilize him back on subcutaneous (the insulin shots in the belly).

So here I go, trying to do the work I hadn't got done when I went home and found him languishing on the chesterfield and packed him off to ER again. Not in mortal danger this time, but not fun.

Wave at me as I go by! If you see anybody looking for me / offering me "obnoxious" lessons over on TTF etc, tell 'em I have a sick family member and they must make every allowance!

I might just drop off the cedar


............. cedar plank soaked in water, then salmon side/ fillet/ steak placed on top and bbq'd


smashing!



Hope all is well when you get home!

He wouldn't dare, would he lol?

xx

Oh, he does still do that, Liz. ;)

Snow shovelling and gardening and bicycling, healthy as they are, don't contribute anything to the bank account!

I'd better head home soon and check that he hasn't expired in my absence ...

Hi Janey, must have got confused lol, thought you used to say he spent a lot of time on Chesterfield, when you were at work and such.

Glad he is doing something right, and hope things work out ok and he starts to be sensible about the things he needs to do to survive.

Hope you can hang on to your sanity too with all this pressure.

Lizxx

Here I am back - we both spent yesterday sprawling on the chesterfield. ;)

Katzchen -- I know how it must feel to be nagged (well, I don't, but I can imagine), and I don't want to. I said "I don't want to nag" yesterday, and it came out like "I don't want to nag ... but". I don't want to! I want him to do what he's told, not start applying his own theories and messing around with it like he's prone to.

It can be hard though when you feel like you're being treated like a dolt by someone who is really a dolt. Do you know what the "diabetic diet" lunch they gave him in hospital yesterday was??

beef stew - half potatoes, and you could taste the sugar added to it!!
mashed sweet potatoes - nutritious, but very high in carbohydrates
white rice - little food value, pure empty carbohydrates
clear vegetable soup ... with crackers to add
half-slice brown bread
lettuce salad with low-cal (i.e. high-sugar) dressing
tinned pears
apple juice
milk

Where are the green beans, the brussels sprouts, the lentils, the squash, the brocolli and cauliflower and celery?? One vegetable, the starchiest one in the (European) diet, and everything else refined starch (bread, crackers, rice) or high sugar (milk, juice, fruit).

If I fed him a meal like that it would be because I was trying to poison him.

The beef stew we had last week, for instance, had beef, butternut squash, green beans, celery, onions, unpolished barley and green lentils. And no sugar added.

Anyhow. I try to do my bit by feeding him wonderfully healthful meals and doing all the carbohydrate counting. I don't want to nag too! I really don't.

But I know, we who don't have to live the way a diabetic does can't imagine how depressing and frustrating it would be.

Daff -- when I was in school, "necessary" was the one word I could not spell for the life of me! I'm sure you're a model sicko. ;) And it's always lovely to see you hereabouts.

Sylvia -- the cedar was sounding good, nice and rot-resistant as it is, but I'm liking the sounds of oak.

A 4x4, I might not be able to aim so accurately, Dee! The idea isn't to wear my own self out in the process. ;)

Speaking of which -- Liz, he really is quite good about the exercise part of it. In winter it's snow shovelling, in the transitional seasons it's gardening -- lots of raking and hauling and stuff -- and in good weather, with the gardening, he takes a longish bike ride every day, and he's also a walker. I'm the one needs to get with that program ...

Well I suppose if he is home it is less dashing about for you to the hospital but still a big worry and work for you, I don't suppose him constantly sprawled on the sofa has helped, he needs to get up and exercise more perhaps.
Hope things work out that he is more diligent of his health needs and you can refrain from using the 2x4 Janey, you previous disappearance was bad enough, don't want to hear you have been locked up lol
take care
Lizxx