General Chat

Come on Allan, give us more of the story.

Huia.

:-D :-D :-D

:-D :-D :-D thank you Allan

Soon, the passenger complaints began. One wanted to know about lifeboat drill and shipboard safety
.
The crew patiently explained that if anything happened to the ship the passengers on the lower deck would be the first to get their feet wet.

Their terrified screams would be communicated to the middle deck passengers who would start to scream in sympathy and so to the upper deck
.
“How does that save us?” asked the passenger who first raised the issue.

The crew gave this some thought and at last one responded “Well, we’re not sure about you, but when we hear the passengers on the upper deck screaming, we’ll already be on dry land.”

Thus reassured, we returned to our rowing and tried not to think about the termites we had found in the oars.

The next complaint was about the ablution facilities. “What about them?” queried the captain.

“There are none” said the complainant.

“Whinge, whinge, whinge,” muttered the captain “Alright, he’d like a bath!! Tie him up and throw him overboard. Let’s have some sport”

The poor complainant was led away
.
We were all allowed on the main deck of the galley to see how complaints were handled.

Suitably trussed, the poor soul was cast over the side. The line however was tied off on the side of the galley with the poor victim being hauled through the water just astern of the vessel.

Suddenly, that dreadful cry was heard. “SHARK”

The crew rapidly pulled the line in and managed to get the poor wretch on board just as the shark lunged for him. To the crew’s credit, they gaffed the shark and hauled it onto the deck.

“Throw him in again” commanded the captain. The same result! This happened three times and each time a shark was caught. Finally, the poor passenger was hauled onto the deck and untied
.
The quivering wretch that had been the complainant looked at the captain and said, “You obviously have no idea about modern ablutions!”

“No.” responded the captain, “And YOU have no idea about shark hunting!!” laughing as he walked away.

At least we ate that day.

I was wondering if you met Gulliver on your travels!


Maybe I should drive in WA. I failed two tests in UK but my style of driving may fit in there.

Loving your travel-log... It would make a great animated film.. Possibly you could have it ready for next years Oscars.

By the way I reckon that your old lady probably listened to her music on a "walk-person"


Looking forward to next instalment,

;-)

Wonder if Captain Hook was in chargeof the cruise. no arm in him really :-D you could have all said eye eye capum :-)

Worth the wait Allan. :-D

Brenda, compared to WA, drivers in other States are absolutely perfect.

In WA road rules are not compulsory, as they are in other states; they are merely there for consideration :-D

Must remember not to book a rail and sail holiday in Oz!!!

Very good tale,and amusing as in Sydney for another day,going back to Melbourne tomorrow.......I think next story could be about the driving practises I have noted,both here in NSW and Vic.....in my view much worse than in the UK....cutting in,tailgating,undertaking,to name a few....or maybe I have been unlucky,but on Sunday,coming back from the blue mountains a lady cut in front of us from the right lane to turn left at traffic lights and son had to brake really hard to avoid a hit.
Another was at a KFC drive in a car coming the wrong way to get out!!
Hope you don't think I'm a whining Pom....but just ideas for another amusing story!

after the food we ate, Barbra, we did get a holiday in the loo :-D

I am all at sea the way you were treated .should have asked for your money back .or holiday in loo for this one :-D

You're welcome, Ann :-)

Lol thank you! :-D

At last all was ready
.
“Man the oars!” roared the captain
.
At this, one little old lady of indeterminable years pulled herself up to her full height of five feet nothing and stared up the captain’s nostrils; not a pleasant site if you were on dry land, but even more stomach-churning on a heaving galley. “How Dare You!” she said, defiantly “ That is a most sexist remark”

I’m sure that such little old ladies exist in all nations and all share a common bond. This particular one reminded me of Granny as drawn by the late Giles in the Sunday Express cartoons.

The captain tried to outstare her but due to the difference in their respective heights, and his rather corpulent build, he only succeeded in going cross-eyed

At length he relented and broke of his stare

Turning from his crew so that they would not see his pain and humiliation he said in a more chastened voice “People the oars”

Knowing that she had won a victory of sorts, the little old lady started to sing, “You put your left oar in, you pull your left oar out”

We had been promised free shipboard entertainment but hadn’t expected it so soon.

So, slowly, we left Port Adelaide to the rousing cheers of the passengers on the other two cruise liners and words of encouragement, such as, “Next time, pay the higher fare” and “Row, row, row your boat, merrily round the world!”

We weren’t long into the journey before our troubles started.

Rumour was rife that there was a giant bat inhabiting the lower deck and that this would suddenly drop from the ceiling (I know that to nautical purists that the correct term for a deck ceiling is a deckhead, but my hand writing is not that good and the term could be misinterpreted. The same applies if this story is ever read aloud to help all the youngsters go to sleep). The bat would then slowly glide around the deck. This would happen several times a day.

At last, one poor soul could stand it no longer and after a brief but bloody struggle he managed to kill the bat.

Ten minutes later the crew were down there wanting to know what had happened to the ventilation system.

This did not augur well for the rest of the voyage.

(to be continued)

So Allan heres me settled down all comfy with a cup of tea
and I have to wait for next addition, OK will let you off, too
much wine indeed, some excuse that. :-D

Emma x

Shall wait with baited breath.

Alas, the final chapter will be either Monday or Tuesday.

Too many domestic duties (and too may glasses of red) have prevented me from completing this sad saga of cut price travel :-(

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter, sounds like a trip we should all embark on :-D

Enjoying your travelogue, Allan...I am expecting a very dramatic and thrilling finale...hope you don't dissappoint us!

Maybe you could submit the finished product to Lon**y Pla**t for their next Australian edition??

I stand corrected. However, I still think the owners might be upset. The commercials I have seen make it look luxurious. So it should be for the price - as compared to air travel.

I'm eagerly looking forward to the next chapter in the saga - as I have made that trip by sea a long time ago. It will be interesting to know how 'different' your trip may have been to mine.