General Chat

Not been a good 2 weeks...nothing to do with illness...........
Had neighbour troubles..had a lot in 2012 which I didn't write about,but did involve police then.
This happened after I came back from Oz in spring2012.
A neighbour for over 10 yrs has a controlling husband.I helped a lot over the years feeling sorry,took her out at times to doctors,shopping to singing group etc.made curtains,hung them..lots of things...he fell out with neighbours both sides,no friends at all,he got jealous,tried to strangle her in August 2012.....long story and he banned her from seeing me....they live opposite,both in a lovely quiet area of detached houses.He has security camera and security light on my house all the time ...and any time I appear puts 2 fingers up.
Just giving you the outline.but there was a lot more to it,in fact I have a log of all dates from May 3rd2012
She has memory loss which gets worse...no wonder...she turned up before Christmas with a card and said you are my friend.I try not to be involved and have got used to his stupid behaviour .
Almost 2 weeks ago I brought the dustbin round back,put compost in bin didnt lock back door.Before I went out again remembered I had an arrangement for piano to sort for that night..sitting at piano and she is behind me,giving me a shock .
She's in a state,so even though I didn't want to get involved again I couldn't help giving her a coffee and sent her home.
He came outside raging at her......want to know more....or am I boring you??

Carry on Brenda and no not boring.

Brenda, how awful for you and for that poor woman, so sad she let her husband get to such a stage that he controls her and has probably driven her out of her mind.

I don't see how you can help being kind to her, Do be careful, but let the authorities know - she shouldn't have to live with him raging at her all the while. Maybe she can get help to get away from him but don't want you getting hurt by this maniac of a man or should I say worm.


Lizxx

OK...worried about her,but hoped all OK.
I was going out at 6pm to play with band....about 4pm she comes over in terrible state doubled up and crying...now a lot of friends say don't get involved,send her away,but,she has no one else ..family live about 2 hrs away and he has kept her prisoner except to just go to local church on Sun morn with another neighbour who knows what he's like.I couldn't find it in me to turn her away back to him.
I called that neighbour ,but she wasn't in but her husband was and he won't have anything to do with it.
He said call her daughters,but I rang Women's Aid that was involved last time,but they'd closed ,so got a help line and they said call daughter.Which I did,but put mother on.
She went mad when she knew where mother was as he has poisoned me to them ...and he bribes them with money ,cars etc
.Next, daughter rings him and then he was across rdbanging with his stick on my double glazed front door and shouting for her to come home.I thought it would shatter.she wouldn't go and he carried on banging so I said I'd get police which I did and he could see and hear me through door.police said close all doors and windows well soon be there.By this time she had gone through to my utility room and he went round back and banging on glazed back door and window.Police took 20 mins to come and he'd gone back by this time
To be continued....

Police eventually came I showed them the door and they checked to see if anything was broken.then came in to talk to her..a WPC and a PC .
She was still upset,but when anyone like police...she says well you make your vows...she is almost 79 and he is 76,supposedly has COPD and angina,a bad hip,but he could walk up the hill to my house then,when he gets benefit as he can't get up stairs!.
I told police I had to soon go out as I had appointment...they said they would go over rd and interview him,so I said Im going out soon.they said we will sort her out and make your house secure.I said I'd rather not,but they assured me she would be gone.I left contact no and phone by her side and was out for just over 2 hrs.,came back to find her still here on her own,no note or anything from police,not contacted me.no instructions of what to do.
I rang police again and eventually managed to talk to WPC and she said send her home,just matter of fact...I wasn't too happy about this,Other daughter rang and was really nasty to me and her mother.I sent her home and showed her how to dial 999and press call button if things were bad....I never slept all night.
Next day2 police cars outside their house for ages when they were going they came over and told me that she had called them

Still no family have been here...then last Monday........ To be continued...

OMG what is she doing to herself ...she needs to get help and leave him

I agree I couldnt turn her away either but have ended up in the same situation as yourself being the bad guy BUT the only one to turn to when things get rough

I had call at lunch time from a community nurse asking for her....why call me?
Later a car comes up looking at houses and pulls up outside their house.meanwhile,he is getting documents out of car and she goes other way down rd to postbox.Then another car pulls up outside my conservatory which is on side of house on other rd...I'm on a corner...and a man and woman make their way over to theirs.He is at door shooing them off when she comes back and they all go in house...then a ring at my bell from a social worker asking for her,so I tell him to go over rd.All in for a while and then first man takes her away...I believe she is in the psychiatric clinic for assessment.
Feel so sorry for her,but she has had loads of chances to get awAy over the years.
I called police today to make a complaint about the police not leaving my house secure...she could have opened door to anyone...plus she'd been smoking in my utility room where I'd let her have a cig at first,but there were 10 cigarette ends in the ashtray and the smell had pervaded the house...I said to police she could have even burnt the house down.
Nice sergeant I spoke to agreed with me and said he'd deal with it.

P.S...if any one wants to write a book I'll p.m.my log of events from 2012..feel like Miss Marple .
Think my late husband would be proud of me as he was a police officer in the Met !
He is on his own over rd now,but don't think he will do a thing I told police I was vulnerable and put on the old lady act!

Frightening for you Brenda, he sounds deranged and dangerous. Hope you are ok.

Yes WE know she should leave him but and it's a big BUT she sounds as if she is very old fashioned and once the marriage vows are made til death do they part.then she is going to stick to them.

The only thing I can think of is for the Police to ring her daughters and tell them what is going on in the house behind closed doors and how many times they have been called out to the situation.

This may jog the daughters into coming to see for themselves what the father is like.and how their mother is terrified of him.

Brenda just make sure if he comes over again that you have both your doors locked and bolted.

well done you ...with the old lady act ...BUT dont take any chances make sure your doors are locked if you are up stairs and the back door lock if you are in doors .

Look after you now the poor woman is away now so if its the best place for her or not leave it to them ....

How awful for you ,and that poor woman. I do hope she gets help and does stay away from him. Sounds like he needs some sort of help to. Make sure your house is locked up at all times. No one should have to live like that.

My doors are locked.Front door is always locked,but when you're in and out you don't always think.
I live in an area of very low crime,
Last year I had my driveway block paved and a remote garage door and bought a smaller car that I can get in garage,as 2012 I believe,but can't prove that he let 2 of my tires down and had to buy one new one.
Their neighbour on one side is coming over if I have to call police and will stay till they come.He got a spade to her husband and poked him in chest with stick,and had police to other side...all over boundary disputes.fell out with their friends who don't live here permanently,but have caravan here.The friends know them from 50 yrs ago...chief bridesmaid and husband gave her away.
She was a midwife and ran their own residential home before they moved here.but had problems all married life .children put in children's homes at times...only learnt that recently.
Hope she doesn't come back to him as she did in 2012.
I am leaving it Kemp!

He must have a very miserable and lonely life. Good to know your neighbour is willing to come over if you need to call police. Hopefully it will not come to that.

Brenda I hope the little baby is doing well xx

Do you know Sylvia,I have been meaning to put up the news on a thread,but I had a very bad cold,then all this happened and it wasted a lot of my time,so tho I have been getting some news,don't get as much since she's home as they are busy.

Yes,it's like a miracle,since she had that tube out with the tissue build up she has slowly improved .She is even off her feeding tube this last week and on a bottle.
Still a long way to go as we don't know what will happen with her lungs but I held her at Christmas then early Jan.
Her dad is back at work so they are coping very well with help from the extended family near.
Thanks for asking.must find out about little Esme as well.Hope my life gets back to normal now.
The police are putting a marker on my house again which was on for a while in 2012. This means if I call it's very urgent.

Brenda,you can get an alarm from the police that calls them straight away and the 1st crew that are in your area have to be there in a certain amount if time..

You take care of you now and don't forget tolock your doors every time you go through them.

Hugs for a brave lady and much <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I do voluntary in our local women's refuge and nothing I have read here has shocked me, the abuse some women and men suffer is beyond me.

I have always said if this were to happen to me I would be gone..........but would I.

This lady was very lucky to have you to turn to Brenda and I admire you for not turning your back on her.

Lesley x

So good to hear that Katie is doing well at home and is now taking a bottle. I have been thinking about her and family. Her dad will be pleased he has got back to work and although it will be hard and still a worry for them, they must feel they are back to some normality.
I have also been wondering about Esme.
Take care. <3 <3

Lesley,I said I wouldn't let her in again,but when it comes to it.the alternative was her going back to a mad man or wandering the streets and getting lost....as she was when Social services put her in B and B instead of a secure place and she missed a court appearance,causing loads of police looking around a busy seaside town in the middle of the season,then court being re-scheduled for over a fortnight and daughters waited outside court and kidnapped her taking her to their place and then getting her back here...and him sounding his car horn a lot going past my house and laughing.
She is so vulnerable
I have filled in Women's aid again with all the latest and resent the updated log to the police sergeant I spoke to today with all incident numbers.
She is fortunate in having one daughter who lives in Sussex who is on her side.
In fact I met up with her when I went to a meeting with old colleagues in her town,and she knows what he's like .
She has just moved house so can't contact her at moment,but sent her an email.
She told me that he tried to strangle mother when she was 9 and she's 52 now....and says her sisters know this too.

Wow Brenda, she is one lucky lady to have a neighbour like you. As Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend said, we know she should leave, but even though we say we would in that position I bet she used to say it as well. However bad the known, fear of the unknown is almost always worse.
Now that your neighbour is in a place of safety, stay safe yourself. Be proud of what you have done, and bet your late husband is looking down smiling and saying 'that's my girl' :-) :-)