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Care and control
Profile | Posted by | Options | Post Date |
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Sharron | Report | 5 Mar 2014 08:51 |
I had to call the carers in early last night because Fred needed the commode( expect you wanted to know why) and the carers were very happy to leave him up until his usual time, when they would return and put him to bed but he said for them to put him straight to bed. |
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LadyScozz | Report | 5 Mar 2014 08:57 |
Sharron |
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Sharron | Report | 5 Mar 2014 09:15 |
I suppose he does but I wasn't expecting to be doing this seven years on. |
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Lyndi | Report | 5 Mar 2014 10:02 |
Sharron, I think you have got it absolutely right - in fact I think if you had been the type of carer who made the decisions and cared in a more controlling way you wouldn't still be doing this seven years down the line. |
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Sharron | Report | 5 Mar 2014 10:16 |
I am not looking for praise, Lyndi, although I really don't mind it hem hem, but I have never seen care from the angle that you have. It was all new and unexpected to me, and sudden! |
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LadyScozz | Report | 5 Mar 2014 10:29 |
I think you deserve a medal Sharron........ at the very least, high praise! |
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Sharron | Report | 5 Mar 2014 10:44 |
I didn't think I would have my patience. |
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Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond | Report | 6 Mar 2014 04:54 |
But it works for you all Sharron, in the best way it can. That's the main thing. You have given up a lot of your freedom but no one can ever say you didn't and aren't doing your best, and it gives Fred a quality of life a lot of other stroke victims would love to have. |
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Shirley~I,m getting the hang of it | Report | 6 Mar 2014 07:24 |
But sometimes a carer can take over too much I think and then the person needing help loses what independence and maybe the individuality they did have . |
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Researching: |
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Sharron | Report | 6 Mar 2014 08:42 |
Sometimes I have to consciously remember that Fred does, indeed, have the capacity to make his own decisions even if he did do all he could to avoid ever making a decision about anything before the stroke. |
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Claddagh | Report | 6 Mar 2014 09:13 |
I entirely agree with what Lyndi and others say about you & the way you care & treat Fred. Would take my hat off to You Sharron., IF I had one! I know from experience how difficult it is to find way to treat someone like,say Fred. My aunts lived with me in the last years of her life (her little Jack Russell did too!)She had ALS,so could not do anything for herself,not even hold a cup towards the end. Being her sole career was extremely exhausting lot of the time,but I was overwhelmed by grief/sadness at having to watch her 'falling apart' ,as it were,day by day. You have the right attitude towards him,allowing him his freedom & dignity,not treating like an invalid. |
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Sharron | Report | 6 Mar 2014 09:36 |
I think it was very much a matter of luck that I adopted this mind set. There is so little available to prepare for being a carer and the first weeks are horrible, so much to learn. At that time there is the worry of not doing it right and the worry of knowing what you will have to do. Nobody tells you where to turn for support. |
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JustJohn | Report | 6 Mar 2014 09:50 |
My aunt put up with looking after her husband after a stroke for about 4 years. In fact, he had several strokes, said to be major. He was about 80, extremely intelligent and with great soh. She was in her early 70's and very fit with same soh. |
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Researching: |
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Claddagh | Report | 6 Mar 2014 10:51 |
It was especially tough on you Sharron,given Fred's behavior towards you.Don't you have any siblings that could ease your burden,help you out, so that you could have much-needed breaks now & then? |
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Magpie | Report | 6 Mar 2014 11:15 |
I worked in Care for about twenty years, and I know that caring for someone however much you love them can be extremely stressful. Getting the balance right between caring and mothering is a very fine line, and can cause immense heartache (and resentment) on both sides. Being pushed in at the deep end so to speak is awful, and I know that no one prepares you for it. I know this because my OH had prostate cancer and when he came out of hospital, we were issued with catheter bags, and a few pads!! Luckily I'd been a carer. so it wasn't a problem for us, but it could have been!! small maters of washing, meds, changing catheter bags etc, all of which was only explained, once briefly,(I didn't let on!) and that was that. The hospitals are fine, it's aftercare that is the problem. I imagine Sharron that the carers have a schedule for Fred's care, so if he didn't want to go to bed, they can't make him (obviously not as it would be assault) so all they can do is to try and persuade him and if that doesn't work, consult you as to how you want this situation to be handled. Perhaps you can talk to Fred and tell him that the carers have only limited time for help and that they can get him completely ready for bed, while not actually having to get into bed, which he can do later with the minimum of trouble, thus keeping his self respect, but at the same time helping you. - same with morning care, get all the washing and other care done ,dress to underclothes and then he can go back to bed until he is ready to get up Have you any facilities for 'respite care' in your area? If so this might be worth exploring.. Every case is different, and my heart goes out to you Sharron, as you are in a difficult situation that so many of us have to face, whole not getting any younger ourselves. |
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Claddagh | Report | 6 Mar 2014 11:24 |
What very wise words magpie, and sound advice. |
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Sharron | Report | 6 Mar 2014 11:42 |
Oh dear, I am not looking for sympathy and, if Fred needed to go to bed at that time he would have gone and tough titty if he didn't like it. |
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Magpie | Report | 6 Mar 2014 12:41 |
I'm sorry Sharron, I thought it was your OH who was poorly, not your father. I'm sure you are doing the best you can for him. As I said it's not easy. |