General Chat

Sharron, you did what felt right for you.

I don't see how anyone else can blindly tell you how to feel or make a judgement on your relative.
Nobody is all bad.

I'm just saying that I would have spoken to her because there is nothing to be gained by bearing grudges and being negative. I had a lot of negative vibes in my life until a few years ago so I think it would have benefitted me to speak to the estranged rellie and put that negative ghost to rest. You don't have t be new best friends and you can still support her son.

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You did the right thing Sharron... avoiding engaging in conversation with your unpleasant sounding cousin ... you were true to yourself and to Fred.. I think it was a very dignified decision you made.

No Sharron, you were just treating her with the contempt she deserved

Was I wrong Island?

I don't know, it was gut reaction.

Was I sinking to her level?

I would have spoken to her.

I only truly dislike one person in the family, she is as cruel to her mother as she was to her father, a mean hearted, money grabbing,selfish and all round nasty piece of work behind closed doors................all fluffy and sweet when she needs to be though.

I can't be two-faced and smile and chat when we are forced to be together at family funerals or, more rarely weddings. My sister and other relatives seem to be alright with being civil to her face, but slating her behaviour when she isn't within earshot, but I can't, I just blank her completely.

Does that make me a bad person.................or an honest one

How wise.

Thank you Kay.

It has certainly brought some degree of closure and I don't recall anybody rushing after her to call her back. The family has always discussed her cruelty which was much more open than that of my mother.

Do you feel better for ignoring her,if yes, then you dont need any aproval for doing so or be told you did the right thing to yourself.....

dont let her behaviour impound on you, or its another reminder of your past, you cant allow that burden to mix ,,,,,,,,,save your energy by all means for her son.

just treat her situation with the contempt it deserves,as you matter not her.

From what I have read, they are only too aware of their own inadequacy and pay more attention to maintaining their pose than they do to anything else.

Does it matter if you were right or wrong, Sharron? She isn't worth worrying over but it was very right to invite her son because you wanted to see him.

Yes, it just proved to me that she did know what she was doing for all those years( because at times i used to tell myself that she didn't mean to be so cruel), but that sealed it.
Her last words to my daughter were to tell her that she was a dreadful person.Sad thing is that my daughter is now showing all the same traits to her daughter as my mother did to me.
It must be hereditary, but i still maintain they know what they are doing..it's a kind of jealousy.

Excellent timing there!

i am just fuming thinking about my mother Sharron and she still affects me even though i am now a great grandmother...these people know what they are doing my mother's last words to me were "I'm sorry"..

She has taken to the church in recent years in a new area. A veritable pillar of the community!

It appears that narcissists feel a slight far more acutely than do others and I have felt a couple of twinges about causing somebody so much unhappiness but then I remember that poor little boy.

she would have gone to the funeral to get attention.. that is what they do..pretend to be all sweetness and light to other people but the picked on child knows what they are really like...

you did the right thing Sharron, and i bet she pretended to be very hurt...grr these mothers make my blood boil, mine was exactly the same..

No you were not WRONG, good for you!!

jude

That thunder would have been Fred meeting up with his brother!