General Chat

16 October 1958 - recall as if it was today. <3 <3 <3

Chris <3

Dear Chris

Hello

Thinking of you. <3

Sincere wishes
Elizabeth,
xx

You never forget

I still recall sitting with my dad for several days in 1975 as he went in and out of morphine induced hallucinations and trying to go along with what he thought he was seeing . He was at home but needed the morphine because of the pain he was in from cancer.

Its still a sad even now and both he & mum who joined him in 1980 are constantly in my thoughts and dreams

we were at our youngest brothers funeral on the 1st Oct and we all said we hope he is with them and our two other siblings who have passed

The pain does ease but the loss never goes away

My thoughts are with you Chris
<3

There we were, brother 16 and me just 21 and Mum was out shopping. Had never seen death before and he had slipped away in sleep. Knew he was not well but not that ill.

My son is his image even his sense of humour.

Fly, Elizabeth and Shirley - we have all loved and lost <3 <3 <3

My thoughts are with you Chris....<3...they're always with us aren't they, our dear ones...<3

My dad's birthday on 15th Oct, he passed away on the 18th Oct, 5 years ago this year.....a sad time for me at the moment too, with lovely memories.

I hope you are remembering all the happy times you spent with your dad, and managing to smile :-)

Dear All


For Karen. <3

Anniversaries are so difficult and painful.


Sincere wishes to all <3
Love Elizabeth,
xx

I think I was so lucky.

Fred had had a long life and the last seven years were a bonus we had filled with new experiences and achievements for him.

He was with us pretty much to the end, only losing the plot a bit over the last couple of days and he was enjoying some strawberry yoghurt, fed to him on a spoon by a woman he was very fond of when he, very gently, left us.

Oddly, I don't feel sad when I remember the event. It was kind of beautiful and not traumatic at all.

There is a feeling of completion, nothing more to be done, he was ready to go.

Chris, what a traumatic time for you and your brother and your poor Mum must have been devastated not to have been with your Dad at the end. However to gently slip away as he did must have been a comfort as the years go on.

Shirley, my Dad was the same, at home till the last few days - he had the hallucinations with the morphine, kept thinking he had to get up and go to work and change barrels ( he worked at a brewery) and my brother would just say It's ok, Dad, I have done them, and things like that. He had his last days being gently cared for in the local hospice, they were so kind to him and he had been before for respite care so knew where he was and knew the staff. They were so caring to my Mum too, she was with him there until his last breaths when she left the ward to phone me and say she didn't need a lift home as a nurse was going soon and would take her. I had been in to see Dad a couple of hours before that, and while Mum was phoning the staff turned Dad so that the slow filling of his lungs speeded up and he was gone. My Mum swears they waited for her to leave the ward so they could help Dad on his way as he was struggling to breathe altho sedated, so we can only thank them for doing that and letting him go with dignity and love around him.

So many memories, one day we will all see our loved ones again I am sure


Lizx

Sending hugs. Still miss my dear old dad.34yrs he's been gone. <3 <3 <3 <3

Liz - the staff were so kind and caring for both your parents. <3 <3

Indeed they were, Chris, we couldn't have asked for better care.

After Dad died, the nurses called me back and I went to the hospice with my son, then aged 7. One of my brothers came (the other was miles away but on his way back) and Mum was of course already there. The staff had pulled the curtains round Dad's bed and they asked if we would like to say a prayer round the bed.

After we had done so, my lad asked why Grandad's mouth was open and the nurse explained that they would close it and tie a bandage round his chin to keep his mouth closed. It was all so calm that he wasn't afraid and could see how things were, he had known his Grandad was very poorly and had spent a lot of time with him during his illness. As we walked out he made everyone smile when he said 'Grandad does better goldfish impressions than I do' Where that came from I will never know, we didn't have fish, but it did lighten the moment. It's something we have never forgotten and I am sure my Dad would have smiled himself hearing that comment.

We also went to the Chapel of Rest with Mum and my lad saw his Grandad in the coffin so there was no mystery or anything hidden from him. He wasn't scared or upset really, he knew Grandad was out of pain and just said afterwards that he wished he had kissed Grandad goodbye as my Mum had, on the forehead.

He also went to the funeral to see the final part of the 'process' and the same when my Mum died, he went to the Chapel of Rest and such altho he was 13 then.

Lizx

For all those who have loved and lost
<3

That reminded me. Liz, of just how helpful and kind were the paramedics and doctor with Fred.

I had been told by the 999 operator to do CPR on him, which I pretended to do and the paramedics rushed in and threw him on the floor to do the heart thing.

Well, I was happy for them to do it but had no illusions at all that he would be coming back. His friend (with the yogurt) was quite distressed because she thought it was undignified for him but I really felt he was not in the carcass they were manhandling any more. He was gone.

The marvellous young doctor was with us almost immediately, he was wonderful and so were the paramedics who so kindly laid Fred out on the bed to await the undertakers.

Your mention of the goldfish impression reminded me of how important it was to me that Fred should have his false teeth in , so much so that I asked the doctor to put them in for me, I couldn't do it.

I had always dreaded having to deal with Fred dying but now I am looking back and remembering a gentle, peaceful event and it is causing me no distress at all, I just remember something gentle and calm, not at all as I had expected it to be.

Sharron <3

I found an old diary recently for the year my Dad died (I was 18) and there are multiple entries in the months before his death (massive heart attack) for visits to the doctor and even, a few days before his death, a specialist - who 'found nothing wrong'. Two members of my family have recently been in coronary units - thankfully with positive outcomes - and I was impressed by the care they received and the huge amount of attention that is now given to prevention of heart disease, and the wealth of information available. I'm sure things would have been different for Dad these days :-( Some things do change for the better.