General Chat

Dear All

Hello

Hope you are okay.

Were you bullied at school or in the workplace?

Did you feel the matter was taken seriously and what effect did this have on you and your family?


Take gentle care
With best wishes
Elizabeth,
xx

No I have never been bullied
mostly because


I've never allowed anybody to do it :-D :-D :-D

I found there was always a bit of name calling at school, but never considered it malicious.

What did upset me at school when I was about 6 years old was when a teacher asked me if I had written on and damaged the desk lid where I was sitting. I hadn't done it and said so, but that teacher insisted and persisted and persisted asking me in front of the other children till she upset and wore me down so much that I couldn't bear it any more and confessed to doing it, which I hadn't. :-S I can see her now saying 'I knew you had done it', when I was just a frightened little girl who wanted to stop the humiliation. It made me fearful and wary of that teacher after that. Of course then you never told your parents in case they didn't believe you either.

Bullies have no age limit & silence encourages them to bully more.

You are right Dermot....I have a neighbour who is a bully/controller.He is 77 and has bullied his wife for 53 years.

I can't go into the whole story,but 2 years ago,after my husband died he has tried to stop his wife coming to see me,and I have taken her out occasionally ,mainly shopping,or doctors and a carers club which she loves to escape.
It has been horrendous.

She is a prisoner in a detached house and now has dementia.I feel so sorry for her.
He has tried his best to bully me,even coming banging his stick on my glass porch window.

Police know of him as neighbours both sides have had the police,as I have.
She was in my garden at 5.30am 2 yrs ago in her nightie and slippers saying he had tried to strangle her,so called the police.

They have no friends,she only goes in the car with him to shop.
She had a chance to get away as I took her to Women's Aid after the garden episode,but she went back as she has done many times.
That's just a fraction of what it's like living opposite this man....but he wouldn't have done it when my husband was alive.

At the time I felt very vulnerable as well and still wish they'd move as he wants to go back to Derbyshire,but she refuses.its a wonder they take notice of her..he's put her family against me.
Don't expect this in a very nice area.
So you are correct in saying there's no age barrier!

I suffered many years of bullying starting in my first year at primary school when I was 5 and continued right through into my first job at 18. It was different people and most of the time it was verbal. I would tell my parents and the school would stop one lot of people only for someone else to start. Even at 18 one of my work colleagues bullied me but by then I did not have the courage to say anything the years of bullying had worn me down. It was my first full time job and I was terrified of losing it. After six months the woman left and that was the last time I was bullied. However the customers at the restaurant were also known to on occasion take out their tempers sometimes physically on the staff and I found it easier when there not to say anything that wasn't required.

My parents have always been very supportive but it has left me painfully shy and socially awkward. I have two very good friends but both of them are now married while I remain single as meeting people is still incredibly difficult for me even though the bullying stopped more than a decade ago.

Dermot is right but not everybody is up for a fight and that is why bullies survive and thrive.

There are few people who can wreck a workplace team or even somebody's working life as quickly and as effectively as a bully.

Some may say it is the job of line management to suss out and deal with bullies but oftentimes there is a hook line of bullies who look out for each other. Nearly always these people got started at school and far from being hauled over the coals tended to be regarded as star pupils ...

I have never myself been a victim partly 'cos my build did not exactly invite it and partly 'cos my grandfather taught me to box army style. It is amazing just how much teaching a well aimed blow with a bare fist can deliver.

I suspect that Dermot knows this. Hey Dermot remember this .... "Fight, fight ..." jackets laid down a big ring of boys egging on the contenders, beaks all suffering temporary blindness ?

OTOH such methods are rarely available at work and you just have to be crafty and patient in order to out bullies and their mates. The bully can always smell out his victims. It is down to the victim's colleagues to do something about it. Sadly most prefer to look the other way.

Mobile phones and social media have made the whole problem 1000 times worse. This board used to be famous for fights but these days it is a backwater of mostly politeness only interrupted by UKIP. I suppose the bullies have departed to Twitter and Facebook etc.

No I wasnt. although it was tried,,,,,but being brought up with lots of confidence and straight talking I've never been a bullies puppet.

No. As Kay says, if you have confidence in yourself the opinions of others really don't matter.

Also people cry "bully" far too often for what amounts to a fundamental disagreement. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.

This attitude diminishes the experience of those genuinely bullied and in real need of support.

My son suffered a little because he was clever and enjoyed school but he quickly developed a smart mouth - bullies are usually a bit thick and if you make them look small in front of their friends they tend to leave you alone.

Bullying isn't necessarily someone giving their opinion, or a matter of confidence!

I moved around a lot as a child, never had the right school uniform or accent, lived in the wrong 'place' - usually a caravan - and you wouldn't believe the different rules and names in different areas for that playground game where you chase each other and have to stand still when someone touches you! :-S

I was also very small and not at all confident.

But, despite attempts, I wasn't bullied. We (my siblings and I) became masters of dialect, and watched until we'd worked out how games were played - which has made us very good at 'reading' people.

I've worked with bullies, but I've never 'taken them on', I've talked to them, and found them confused, insecure, lonely people. When I worked in schools, I was the one called on to 'deal' with the bullies. I found that, once they realised they weren't the only ones with problems, they calmed down.

However, what you can't control is corporate bullying, and the 'line manager' who is insecure. This idea that someone earns a little more than you and therefore becomes your manager implies that anyone can manage people, and understand what that means. It doesn't. The line manager has little power and is controlled by those above. What little power they have is over a few people below them in the pecking order, and many, like chickens, believe this makes them somehow 'better' than those they manage, and in order to exert their power, some are too keen to 'peck'.

I had a line manager once, who decided to blame me for her mistakes. This would have been okay, but for the fact that I knew how to use the system we were using better than she. I knew how to delve into the system to see who had done what, and pointed out that she had made the mistakes, not me - the system didn't lie! This riled her, and henceforth my life was a misery. She developed ways and means to demoralise me. She was in charge of my development, and personal records. She ensured I received as little training as possible, and on my records - well, she just lied. At the time, to accuse a line manager of bullying would result in a disciplinary procedure - to me, that's an admission that it went on!!

Fortunately, I kept a diary. I also, for a time, had the backing of two temps, who confirmed that I wasn't paranoid, my manager was a b*tch, not necessarily a bully - she used the system to bully me. What she didn't like about me was my education and confidence!
I sent my 'diary' to her manager's manager. I was moved - she kept her job.

maggiewinchester - an excellent descriptive summary clearly laid out. Well done!

Been there, got the t-shirt Dermot!!
My 'problem' is, I don't suffer mentally from stress/bullying, but it affects me physically. This is rarely recognised.

One other thing I did. In my 'new' job, the managers' personal records were kept safely locked away. Despite out protestations, the admin's personal records were kept in a cupboard that was regularly used and left unlocked.
I got my folder out and realised there was something missing - my 'bullying' diary. I printed off a copy, put the date, and the comment 'So much for privacy - and this was somehow omitted', and put it in the front of the folder. Folders are still there......

never bullied in school fortunately, but in work, yes

I was a secretary in a psychiatric social work department and the new female principal social worker took quite a dislike to me for some reason - believe it or not, her surname was Bully!!!!

We had a horrible mouthed girl at school 11+--her cat calling was,,,,,smelly,tubby,Billy Bunters sister,one of the ugly sisters etc,,,,,no one really liked her apart from her gang who she had bullied into be on her side,,,,,,back then it was all seen as,,,,teenage antics,,,,,,,we all left school and went our seperate ways,,,

she moved away with her RAF husband and not seen for many years,,,,,7 years ago ,,,,,,who was riding towards me in a mobility scooter was,,,,,,,,Mary,,,,,,anger flared up as I remembered her tormant to others,,,,,,,, and I made a point of making her speak,,,,,,,blah blah blah,,,,,,oh dear a broken marriage etc,,,,,,,as I was moving away from her I learnt back over my shoulder and said quite loudly--------
***oh by the way,,,,,you have got fat, you look just like Billy Bunters sister***,,,,,

I thumped the air,,,,,,,,YES.......its not anything I would normally do,but I hope it caused her a real concern and she still thinks about it and feels somewhat ashamed of her past behaviour........

wll done you - back of the net eh!!!!! :-D :-D :-D :-D

Bullying can be a terrible thing indeed.