General Chat

I just watched Call the Midwife which I recorded earlier and found it harder than usual to watch because of the storyline. Almost 41 yrs ago my daughter was born too soon, and only lived for three days. I was in shock and couldn't take everything in, so my baby was buried in a common grave. I hope she had a coffin of her own , I was told by the funeral director that family didn't attend these burials and it wasn't until later when I wanted to put a marker on her resting place, that I found out that the grave could be reopened and another baby put in there that I realised the situation. Luckily I was in time to be able to buy the burial rights for 75 yrs so that I could put a tiny headstone there and stop her being disturbed. She did have posies from my parents and her father and me at the burial.

I am glad that things are different now and there is more understanding and support when babies don't get to live their lives.

Sometimes when I go to her grave, I see little notes on other patches, the most moving one said 'Now we have found you, we can name you' Obviously other parents didn't know what happened to their babies at the time.

So sad....

Lizxx

Very sad times for parents Liz especially if they didn't know where their little one was buried

Mum and dad lost their firstborn in jan 1931 aged 3 months but we always knew where he was and as kids we would go and clean up his headstone and pick daisies from the surrounding grass and put them on his grave

He was the first one in the plot of 5 and the first ,third ,and last baby in could have headstones

When I was looking for the gran on dads side a few years ago I found out where she was
in a public grave in the same cemetery and was shown the area by the cemetery supervisor and was able to put flowers on it .she died in 1907

Whilst I was there I went to see my brother and was annoyed to see they had lifted all the headstones and stacked them to one side

We don't live in the area now so that was a shock

My mum would be heartbroken to know that .

My great uncle Edwin went off to the second world war, leaving behind his wife, Gladys - who, after he left, realised she was expecting their baby in 7 months.
Uncle Edwin was killed.
Gladys' baby was stillborn.
Unusual for the time, Gladys announced the birth of her and Edwins' stillborn baby girl in the local newspaper.
Three months later, Gladys was diagnosed with TB and was dead within 6 months.
I've never tried to find out where Gladys and the baby are buried.
But maybe I don't want to.

I have the bill for the burial in 1924 of my granddad's first wife, Violet, which not only gives the cost, but also the plot number.
A friend and I went to the cemetery, in Southampton, and checked the plot numbers were the same.
When we reached the plot - someone else was buried there.
It transpires, in the 1960's, the council decreed that these plots, although bought in good faith for eternity, should have a 'leasehold' of 30 years.
Violet wasn't even a relative, but I found this quite upsetting.
Grandad (and gran) had scraped and saved on their meagre wages to put green glass chips on the grave as 'Violet would like that'. Only for the Council to scrape it all away.

As a family we've been blessed not to have experienced still births or neo natal deaths.

Last nights episode was very moving. Thank goodness the importance of grieving has now been recognised and support is given to the family.

We don't attach importance to final resting places. Without intending to cause upset, once life is extinct, only a shell is left. However, if someone has nothing physical to remind them of the deceased, the importance of a special place is understandable.

My older brother was stillborn before I came along when my parents were living with Dad 's Mum in a little village near Buckingham and apprently the midwife told Dad to bury his son in the garden. I don't know where Dad put him but my grandmother was very unkind and unsympathetic to my Mum so they moved back to Norwich with Mum's family. I often wonder if anyone has found his skeleton as the village has had lots of building changes.

People have different feelings and attitudes to graves etc and I understand that, I just needed somewhere to go and a headstone to show my baby lived, if only briefly.

Seeing headstones propped up and graves reused is awful, it seems so disrespectful but space does ru out. As far as I know my grandparents grave is stiil as it was and my grandfather died in 1947 just before I was born and when Mum was back near him in Norwich.

My paternal grandmither died about 6 weeks after my daughter, the tears I cried at her funeral in Buckingham were as much for my Zoe as for Gran, I didn't know her very well. The grave she and my paternal Grandad share is still intact at Gawcott cemetery, I have seen it.

Lizx

LIZ,I WAS A TWIN BUT MY BROTHER WAS STILLBORN,
UNFORTUNATLY HE WAS NEVER REGISTERED AS STILLBORN
SO I DONT KNOW WHERE HE WAS BURIED,I HAD A SEARCH DONE AT GRO AND THEY PHONED ME TO TELL ME THEY WERE SO SORRY THE COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING.

That's sad Gwen, but at least you tried.

I don't suppose there is any record of my brother's birth either, my Mum told me they named him Richard He would have been born in 1946. My parents met in late 1945 when Dad was on demob and they married on December 29th 1945 and went to live with my paternal Grandmother. I don't know how far gone Mum was when Richard was born but I must have been conceived in late October /early November 1946 as I was born in late July 1947 by which time they were back in Norwich.

I must admit I've often wondered if theirs was a shotgun wedding! Mind you, my Dad was pretty annoyed when I got pregnant out of wedlock and I had been with my boyfriend longer than my parents were when I was born! Pot and kettle??

My younger brother has Richard as a middle name.

Lizx

So sad for all who have experienced this.
In 1962 my little brother was also born too soon and died a few weeks later .
I have copies of both his birth and death record but my parents never knew the exact location of his resting place either
His given names were William Anthony
He is buried somewhere in the local cemetery but my parents are buried in a different one
Xxxx

Glasgow lass

You could try the parks and cemetery dept of the local council where he passed.

For over 100 years lots of cemeteries are municipal cemeteries and they keep very good records I have found

It was the Greenwich council in SE London who gave me grt grans burial details even though she is in a public grave with 9 others they had the row and plot nos and would have given me the names of the others with her too

Would think the records would be the same in Scotland , worth a try :-)

Only watched the start last night. didnt like the story .a bit grim & to much info :-(

I thought it was very good as a piece of social history (maybe not light entertainment). It was good to realise how far we have come with accepting homosexuals and how by the none acceptance and criminalisation of people so inclined it made things worse. I had sort of forgotten that things have not always been as they are today.

I agree Ann, I also thought that it was not so long
ago how treatment was meted out to these men,
thank goodness we have moved on.

My mum lost a baby at three months in the 60s when the doctor came I still shudder when I think about it because I was 15 at the time he flushed him down the loo, mum said he was formed and she could tell it was a little boy. I sat up with her months because de could not go to bed the doctor put her on sleeping pills AND she still on them today at 92

Linda how devastating for your Mum, poor woman.

I did not add to the series that showed what parents had
to go through back then, found it very upsetting.

Thank goodness we give respect to these unfortunate
babies these days and also help the parents to come to
terms with these tragedies.

Linda .Heartbreaking for your Mum poor love having to go through that x more is done today as Emma says .Barbra

Has I said I sat up with her for months because of it, dad was on nights a lot of the time and when he was at home he was looking after my sister who was younger then me. My brother was away at School. Sometimes we would walk up and down our road or stand at the gate at three in the morning.

I just caught up with the last episode. Yes, it is difficult to believe that it was like this for these men in previous times.

I know of a young gay man who has come out. His grandparents have buried their heads in the sand, refusing to acknowledge his situation. I guess they are stuck with these attitudes of past generations.


My Nanny lost her first child at birth. He was born at home and put in a bucket. The thought stayed with me. He is buried in our village, I know roughly the spot, but there is no stone. He is next to the Mulberry bush.