General Chat

I hate to say that if he has hit his wife more than once then his daughter is at risk also.

There are no excuses.

Well for now anyway they have made up. There is a professional keeping an eye.

I don't know why we always end up with the waifs and strays but we do.

I can't begin to understand the mind-set of this man - there can be absolutely no excuse for such behaviour. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to sit back and do nothing and would seek appropriate help for the family.

Annx, I'm genuinely sorry that your childhood was blighted in this way - must have been so tough for you.

Yeah, but I think the daughter is at risk. Any man who can do that sort of thing to his wife is liable to lose it with his daughter too, especially if she doesn't keep quiet and starts to defend her mum or tries to stop him. His aggression could easily redirect onto her, especially as she grows up. She must also already be suffering anxiety, insecurity and worry about the future, about what might happen next time they fight.

My parents fought constantly, but never to the degree that there were visible physical injuries and no drink was involved either. At home he was just a controlling bully with a vicious temper. To strangers outside the home he was polite and charming. My mother was more feisty than most and my father knew her threats of the police weren't idle ones and I think that was all that stopped any pushing and punching he would start. I knew better than try to intervene. I was lectured as a child that what happened or was said within the 4 walls of home was private family business and I was not to discuss anything that was said or happened at home with anyone else. I always made an effort to be cheerful and happy outside the home and tried to count my blessings. No-one else would have guessed. Inside, I worried about everything, especially about going home each day, what the mood would be, whether mum had gone, she'd packed her bags before. Would I end up in a children's home? I wondered how many other men were really like dad and never expected that I would marry. A child won't grow up confident and self assured and do their best at school when home is a battlefield.

I agree that getting help can bring a load of consequences, but these things don't heal themselves without intervention and can tend to escalate once the man finds he can do as he likes. My worry is that there might not be sufficient protection and support given, but doing nothing isn't an option either. It's a difficult one. Keeping an eye on things will spot the physical injuries, but what about the mental ones?

Sitting on the fence & just looking is fine but .so many people are abused & hurt even murdered by the partner .is there community police in your area .? somebody needs to keep an eye on the situation .maybe tell the school in confidence ..as D says .Barbra (Seen you have had a word with someone .good luck to the family

Working very hard excuses nothing.

Whatever triggers his anger makes him a danger to others, including his daughter.

The daughter is not at risk in any way it is her mum that suffers.
The guy works very hard, only drinks a few beers, no skunk etc. and is likable and good looking. Then he has this dark side ... fwiw judging by the state of his van his driving style is fairly robust.

Once you start getting involved with big city social services in any way at all it starts an avalanche full of unintended consequences.

We may have theories on what we would do, but it's different when it actually happens. Hopefully the 'talking to' he'll get will stop rows escalating in the future.

You could contact the daughter's school and ask to speak to the person responsible for child safety. Although they wouldn't interfere, it would go on her record and get flagged if there were unexplained injuries or unexpected behavioural changes.

Hope it works out for them and that the daughter will remain safe.

Yeah well, I saw her the next day arm in a sling she cannot drive. Self and other half thanked for keeping the lid on. All well and good but the fight was far and away the worst in a two year saga.

So how would I feel laying low, saying nothing, hoping for the best? Talk to the guy? I get on fine with him but he is no way a close friend.

In the end I found someone with a bit of clout and street savvy just hope it works out.

Why do people do the things they do. I have no idea.

How worrying for you, like Dermot I am pleased that the daughter (you don't give her age) felt she could come to you. The problem is, if he can hit his wife would he hit his daughter. Instinct tells us not to interfere, but should either the wife or child be badly hurt, would you feel guilty if you had done nothing?

Is the wife friendly with you? would she talk to your wife maybe?

Our illustrious PM urges/orders us to do something positive. At least, that's what I thought he said in an interview this morning following the publication of child abuse reports.

Far too long have we walked on by on the other side.

RolloTheRed - I'm glad the young lady felt able to seek your help in her distress.

Despite all the stuff that goes on around here I've never thought to lock my door I can't see why my friends shouldn't just drop in when they're around and want to talk have a beer ... most of them do knock though not always.

Round 9 last night a neighbour's daughter crashed in incoherent yelling and screaming I'd no idea what she was saying but my wife pieced it together ... "daddy is beating up mummy and I don't want it, I'm scared"

Jeez

This is an area where working class people are being squeezed out by high rents and council tax. The guy works all hours fitting custom kitchens and bathrooms, she works nights in a care home when he gets back ... yeah hard working people neither have ever voted Tory nor are are likely to.

So they have their daughter who is intelligent and a great person, a younger child and they just scrape by.

And they fight. The girl's mother arrived to retrieve her child after around 10 minutes once she had patched her face up. Everything is ok we are told though of course it's not.

so what the heck would you do now?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EW92xzvt0Io