General Chat

Years ago, I kept bees, only one hive, reluctantly, inherited from my dad. I don't even like honey! Anyway, at a family funeral was a relative who was a past president of the BBKA, who had multiple hives. When I told him that I had one he asked "Only one?", to which my brother, quicker witted than me replied "Yes but he knows each bee by name". The relative was a lovely chap, by the way.

I have just remembered the meeting we went to last year which is the reason we have not volunteered to cook the village lunch this year.

My OH is quite well qualified as a chef and has been a tutor for quite a long time, including teaching at the local college. He has some idea about food hygiene.

The meeting was called by the woman who organizes and instigated the village lunches so that everybody would be familiar with what was necessary and not really to really to instruct anybody in anything they didn't know.

She sat in the window of the pub at the ed of the table and to her left sat the woman who had taken it upon herself to be chief instructor. What she didn't know wasn't worth knowing, she was, indeed, the oracle, because she had a food hygiene certificate, the one day course that OH has taught, on and off, for years.

Also there was the doyen of the WI, who had to let us know she takes the Nisbett's (catering supplies) catalogue regularly and let us know how particular she is. Her role model was a woman who sometimes cooks a meal in the church hall and whose methods OH thinks might be illegal if used in a restaurant but she must be right because she is a doctor. Please don't ask OH to diagnose anything you might be suffering from by that token!

Having watched the pantomime unfold, we felt it might not be a bad idea to back away quietly.

Come to think of it, I have never seen the oracle cooking a village lunch, she won't see me anymore either!

They do keep you grounded. Once you hear what others have achieved you tend to keep quiet about your own insignificant little doings.

No I am not suggesting that any of you on here has an insignificant doings.

Mayfield, in all seriousness, I totally agree :-)

When my children were children, I thought that we were raising a couple of thickies, given how other children were achieving so much

Time has shown that our kids were, and still are, perfectly normal, whilst some of the 'exalted' ones now have prison records :-S

I would add to that people who go on endlessly about how fantastic their kids or grandchildren are, total little Einsteins with the looks of a supermodel and talent of a megastar! ;-) ;-)

Ha!

That's nothing :-|

I gave Leonardo some advice on how the Mona Lisa should look :-P

He just had to open the Louvres

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

At the last place I worked, we needed a large sign (bigger than A4 the biggest to fit in the printer), so I got a large piece of cardboard and started making it.......

Workmate asked if I wanted him to do it......... no........ I worked for 15 years in a drawing office, so I think I know what I'm doing.

He told me he would be better at it, because he won an award when he was at school, for penmanship :-S

That's nice, how old were you?

7

:-) :-) :-) :-)

Edit......... the man was about 67 years old

the trouble is when you get to our age

you had did it seen it and got the tee shirt :-D :-D

its not always a case of who has the blackest cat ;-) ;-)

An acquaintance, on hearing that I was taking statins, gave me a lecture on the serious side effects of them. He was an alcoholic, and was dragging deeply on a fag as he warned me. He is sadly no longer with us.
There is a saying about someone who is always topping your tales. "If you've got an elephant, he's got a box big enough to put it in". Also. "If you've got a black hat, he's got a blacker one"

my Dad knew someone who had suffered from triple pneumonia :-D

That's where my mother went!

My neighbour has never really been anywhere nor done anything, even when the opportunity arose, but will never be outdone. Whatever you have done or own she can equal with something one of the family, usually the younger son, he of the golden orbs, who we shall call Nigel, owns or has achieved.

The need arose for a black tie, another neighbour was attending a funeral, so I asked her if her husband had one he could borrow.

Not wanting to miss an opportunity to pass on a prestigious piece of news she said he might have lent it to Nigel because he was going on a cruise and you had to wear black ties for dinner on cruises.

Now, I didn't even see the film 'Titanic' but, should I ever be prestigious enough to go on a cruise and have a man dressed as an undertaker at dinner with me, I am off at the next port of call!

I know a woman who has the WORST pains every month...... far worse than anyone else has ever had......... and she's had a hysterectomy.

A medical miracle?

I know! - I've got a fad - all join in!! :-P

maggiewinchester,
It would be good if they were to check things out first. :-|

ZZzz, you've reminded me of something.
The lad I used to work with (Mr 'mates' with everyone) was also into various types of tea (I only like 'builders' tea - milk & 2 sugars).

He was extolling the 'virtues' of them all. Telling me all about their wonderful 'de-toxifying' effects, ignoring my assertion that builders tea also 'de-toxifies'.(whatever that is).

Now I've only got one kidney. It had been perfectly healthy and functioning well for 50 years on 'builders tea' - when both my doctor and I realised he was on his own (the kidney). BUT, with the stress of work, I was getting constant indications that all was not well.

'Matey' boy then went on about how good Green tea was for the kidney. I looked on line - yes, it was, until I put in the word 'damaged' - then it was a definite no-no.
Then gave him a lesson on how to get both sides of internet searches.

'Matey boy' was very upset by this. I wasn't :-D

Oh - nothing wrong with kidney - purely work related stress :-|

I knew someone who always had to go one better - and then some.

She went to the funeral of someone who was still alive. This was the point where her web of lies fell into place.

That reminds me of something, I have a health problem (allergies) and it is taking a long time to sort out, trying new drugs, cutting out some food and drink etc etc. I should have gone to him and not bothered the Doctor, I'm wheat intolerant according to him.

i often wonder if his wife rules the roost and talking like he does makes him feel good, and he makes people think he isn't bossed about at home.

Jim came to work in the parts department with us.

He had, apparently, completed a Rolls Royce apprenticeship.

I had taken my welding exams the previous year and, not thinking I had done very well at all, I had never bothered to get my certificate or even enquire as to whether I was entitled to one until I bumped into my instructor in town and he asked if I didn't think it was time I came in to pick it up.

As soon as Jim saw it he had also done a welding apprenticeship and had seven years working experience at that.

If you had anything wrong with you, Jim had had it worse, liver damage and several other life threatening conditions.

Because of the way we behaved in the parts department, they had me pinned on the counter and were waving a knife over me (we sometimes did a bit of country dancing when it was quiet too) explaining to me that they were just going to give me a vasectomy. I was explaining to them that they wouldn't be able to so they had better settle for a mastectomy. Jim, with quiet voice and serious face and not getting involved in such dreadful behaviour as we were indulging in, said "Like my young sister is waiting to have done".

He hadn't mentioned being worried about his young sister, or even that he had one before so we could only conclude that she had three.

Putting it all together with everything he had told us, Jim, who was twenty-eight at the time, would have had to have started work when he was three, only farted sulphur for some medical reason, had a freak sister and a girlfriend who wore size ten shoes.

One of the partsmen had been there years and knew the part numbers by heart. Jim decided he did too and would sell people things that were so evidently wrong for the job that we used to try to hide when he was serving.

Bet you have all met a Jim too.

I would take everything he tells you with a good 3 lb of salt.

He is maybe jealous of you at working so hard and your doing 3 times what he does and is trying to make you think he leads a great life but is actually leads a dead boring life..

Take no notice of him and bite your tongue until he says things when you are both leaving work then you can tell him what you think... :-P