General Chat

In the course of trying to sort my mind out a memory has come to the fore. I am pretty sure it is accurate and I was finally able to voice it to OH. I wondered what you thought about this.

I wasn't very old but I could walk although I am not sure I was doing it all the time and I had a huge toy box. It was cardboard and I could easily get in it although it came up at least to my shoulders. It was full of toys, most broken or damaged because they had come from jumble sales.

I remember I had been round next door with Nan when I was called home and I think she came with me although she was in no position to get involved. A good part of my day must have been spent emptying the box and playing because the floor was full of toys. None had been picked up by anybody during the course of the day.

The order came "I want all these toys picked up".

It was a huge and daunting prospect for a tiny girl and I said "No", more, I think, out of be overwhelmed than of being recalcitrant.

More orders and the ultimatum that, should I not pick them up, she would burn them and I can still remember the look on her face as she stood striking matches over my toys!

Thank you for reading this. I am going for a cry now.

oh Sharron - that is so very sad

Sharron, its yet another step forward for you, one more thing you can now choose to have closure on. My mother didnt do anything like that , but she resorted to a beating or humiluate me , I am now 80 years old and for quite a few years now have named the times that hurt me, and shut the book on them or visualise a list and crossed out the latest problem, so I believe your naming the upset is a brave and worthwile time for you to have closure too.... my very best wishes and thoughts go with you, Tears are good,
You are a winner not a loser....

love Jean xxx <3 <3

Thank you so much Ann and Jean.

I did, once, save some of the filth that had come from her mouth on to a floppy disk which has never since been looked at.

That had a surprisingly calming effect.

Oh Sharron, I can sympathise with you there my so called Mother as I have told you before was a completely evil B***h. <3 <3 <3. When I got married first time I left a load of my treasures behind until I could get them moved to a new place. I went to collect them a very short time later and they had all been thrown, given away or burned.

OMG - how awful - I had the best of mothers and the best of Dads - I feel so lucky

That must have been heartbreaking Sharron and devastating too you now to recall it as its made you tearful .

Maybe you can put it in a memory box in your mind and say to her its in there and you didnt win you didnt break me .

We didnt have a mum who was a bitch but she was a shouter .
.
we lived in a 5 story victorian terrace and I slept in an attic bedrooms which would have crazy icing on the inside of the windows in the winter from the breathing of us kids overnight ,we were well warm in our beds but would sleep with just our noses out which would get bitter cold .

i do remember in my very early teens on an icy morning being told you had better get up as mum is in a bad mood
It was a long way down to the garden level kitchen on lino stairs in you PJ,s so I would creep in and be quiet and hope it wasn't an "and you ,you cow blah blath blath . she didnt hit but moaning and shouting was a put down too ,

Thankfully as we all grew up and left home she had less too do so mellowed and we all loved her and dad to bits

Sharron, that is so sad. That you turned out to be such a caring person yourself is proof of how strong you are, even if you don't feel it right now.

Nature gives us strength when we need it and forces us to rest our minds and bodies when that is needed as well.

Take care and be kind to yourself
Luv & hugs

<3 <3

Sharron, you were not alone,
when very young we had to get dads' permission to do anything......one day my brother took his bike out without asking.........dad found out and took a hacksaw to it........

Bob

She didn't actually burn the toys, you understand, but it was just so distressing to see her striking those matches over them.

mental abuse - nothing less

You don't know how cathartic it is to see that written by somebody else.

I feel for you Sharron and, as has been said, full credit to you that you grew up such a caring person. My mother was narrow minded and strict, and could sulk for England if 'put out' in any way. But she loved us, even if she rarely showed it. She was never demonstrative but never cruel either. Like annC I feel very lucky. Had a lovely Dad as well.

Oh Sharron, that's so heartbreaking to read. I am like AnnC and have lovely special memories of the very best Mum and Dad ever.

I hope that sharing your thoughts today has helped you to move forward a little.
A pamper and a hug is needed. You can pamper yourself and I will send a
BIG (((HUG))) to you right now. xxx

Oh Sharron <3 <3

Get an exercise book and write down all your horrible memories of childhood.

Then kick the book around the house for a few days before burning it! Send all the bad memories up in smoke. I'm sure there will be lots of tears in the process, but you probably kept tears back for a long long time.

The heading on the thread made me sad......... it's NOT self indulgence...... it's another example of that woman making you feel guilty.

Don't let that woman have the last word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, no, it's more a matter of not wanting to burden you with my troubles, or bore you with them.

Having had a lot of hypnotherapy and given myself time to get myself through it, I can now face my memories without losing my temper. I was only able to tell OH about it because I can now string the words together without losing my temper.

He said it just showed how mad she was!

You're not burdening anyone, and you're not boring anyone!

Anyone who responds to your posts cares about you......... and those who aren't interested can keep their opinions to themselves.

No matter what you did as a child, she wasn't happy. It wasn't your fault she was mad. Your OH is right.

<3