General Chat

Growing up, I knew that, whatever disaster befell me, I would have absolutely no support in dealing with it. Whatever it was, it would not be Fred's place to get involved. The crafty little git was highly practised in the art of getting out of doing anything. My mother could immediately think of a way it was all my fault and so it would be truly absurd for me to expect any sort of help and support from her.

Consequently, when I was landed with a stroke victim (he couldn't get out of that one!),I didn't think to expect help or sympathy but got on with that one just as I had every other problem,treating it as a practical problem.

My neighbour on one side has bought their council house. The path we share is worn out and needs replacing, as does the derelict gate. Half now belong to the housing association who are not keen to replace them for him and we have just managed around them, even with the wheelchair.

He was telling me about this and I was suggesting ways he might be able to negotiate with more clout because his wife has poor eyesight. Had I known it was problem to him when Fred was alive I could probably had it replaced anyway.

It did occur to me, during the conversation, that he didn't want to know how to get things done, he just wanted somebody else to hear him moan about it.

Likewise, the man the other side has dementia and we have had to go out and catch him a few times.

The back gate is nailed shut to keep him in and , yesterday, he was in the shed, looking for a hammer to take the nail out. His wife was standing on the step, shouting instructions to him to not do it and telling me how she can't cope with him blah,blah.

Every avenue I suggested for help, I know who to ask, she could find a reason that they would not help, even before she had tried and she didn't know how much more she could take blah, blah.

He wasn't going to leave the shed alone until I suggested we go up and look at my broad beans. Five minutes, a handful of beans to shuck and he had forgotten he ever wanted the gate open.

She had gone in because there was nobody to hear her moan.

You're probably right. They just needed someone to listen while they let off steam.

It sounds as if both may be, shall we say, mature and of the generation who don't expect 'them' to do anything to help. Start asking for it and they feel they've lost their independence.

One was at school when I was.

but that doesn't mean they are truly the same "age" as you :-)

some of us are more mature than others of the same age in years, some are less mature

OH and I are among those who just get on with it ............. we moved to a new country 6 days after we married and then to another country one year later, so we've never had that close family support and we had to make new friends.

We're 2 very independent so-and-sos anyway, always have been :-D

Plus, of course, there just is not the same support here from agencies etc that you have in the UK. I'm not even sure how much help we would get if we needed, for example, to change the 4 steps up to our front door and 1 more into the house to allow wheelchair access, even though the powers-that-be spout all kinds of good things about keeping people in their homes for as long as possible

But you would try to find out wouldn't you?

Some people do like to let off steam, and some people are martyrs. My late auntie (although sweet and generous) was a pro, and my eldest sister is heading the same way.

Sharron ...............

oh yes!!

of course we would try to find out

when I lived at home we had a neighbour 2 doors down who did nothing but moan.

It was too hot/cold/windy /calm (washing wont dry!!) the local shop had run out of HER item she always bought etc etc

Mum got to dread going out the front door in case she got collared as no amount of sorry i have to go stopped her in mid moan. She didnt want to listen to your problems cos hers were the weight of the world

Mum would look through the nets of front bay window to make sure the neighbour wasnt out before she tried go out the front door ,If the neighbour came out mum would come back in sharpish, she would say I'm sure she is watching to see who comes out their front door

She used to say "That woman gets on my t.ts she is only happy when she is moaning" :-| :-| :-D

Sharron, if its not your problem, ignore it. You have enough to do as it is.

Definitely do.

:-)

That is really not a way of thinking that I subscribe to Sue.

It doesn't cost anything to be kind.

I'll moan about the government - but then again I never voted for them, so I did all I could..
I've had the council out to change the latch on my gate - they replaced the gates 3 months ago, for heavy resin 'wood', and my gate 'hangs' towards closing, so slams quite hard.
So far they've changed the cheap catch for another equally cheap catch 3 times. I'm not sure how long this can go on.
I'm going to buy one made from real metal and fit it myself.

I will inform them. I doubt if I will get the money back.

But then again, it will give me a bit of leverage if I receive another letter threatening me with eviction for being 3 days late paying my rent (after more than 15 years of constantly being a month in credit - I'd sent a cheque) when I had to go to Portugal when my mum died.