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Life!
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PollyinBrum | Report | 13 Aug 2015 21:19 |
Anne I am so sorry, how awful for all of you. <3 |
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lavender | Report | 13 Aug 2015 21:18 |
Feeling for you <3 |
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Annx | Report | 13 Aug 2015 20:56 |
I can identify with much that is said here as my MIL went into hospital about 8 weeks ago and we then discovered just how bad 94 year old FIL's dementia was, now diagnosed with both Alzheimers and Vascular dementia. He already had carers coming in as he was unsteady and needed some help dressing etc. He'd had a bad memory for years, but then who wouldn't if they had a wife who did everything? He'd started wandering off up the road and was complaining he needed more company a few weeks before. Anyway, after hubby staying with him overnight, he clearly couldn't be left on his own, so hubby found him respite care in a home the next day, despite him always saying he never wanted to go in a home. It was the only way to keep him safe, as he also had osteoporitic fractures and had had several falls. Once he realised he was in a home he got in an awful state, shouting and trying to hit my hubby, which was very upsetting for both of them. Then within a week we had to tell him his wife of 64 years had terminal cancer. Then he was crying and fretting to go home as he thought he should be there caring for her. He thought he was fine and had nothing wrong with him. She's been in and out of hospital. Then he wanted to go to a different care home to be near to her if there was an emergency. Things calmed a little and he started to settle and made a friend of a new resident at the home. Then a 'do gooder' from an organisation thought she knew best and said he should be taken to visit his wife in hospital, people's rights etc (which he hadn't asked to do) and that he should have family photos for his room. We were going to suggest photos to him, but further down the line when he'd had longer to settle. Anyway, despite being dubious about it, we did both things, got him photos and took him to the hospital and the visit seemed to go well. The next day in the home, he was in floods of tears and inconsolable and this carried on for the past few weeks, resulting in 2 falls and a stay in hospital. He was saying he must be moved nearer to his wife and his house, even though we told him she wasn't there now. When OH visited him in hospital he thought he'd been to OH's funeral as well as thinking his wife was dead now and thought he was all alone in the world, poor man. As for the photos, they upset him too, to the extent he was not even wanting to sleep in his room. They've been put face down now and to one side, so he can see them when and if he wants too. Luckily, the last time we went to see him he was happy with his new pal and chatted happily to us about his time in the forces and never even mentioned his wife. It was their anniversary this week, but (probably against what the 'do gooder' would think) we decided not to mention it to him. We aren't even sure whether to tell him when his wife passes away shortly as we know this will trigger more awful upset for him. His dementia is worsening and he has no sense of what time has passed now and the last time he mentioned her we just reassured him she is being well cared for and he seemed happy with that. |
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PollyinBrum | Report | 13 Aug 2015 19:47 |
Det. My best friend is a retired social worker and knows my Aunt very well. I have the utmost respect. For the work they do. At this stage we are just trying to respect her wishes. Auntie. actually said herself this morning that she knows she will become worse. |
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+++DetEcTive+++ | Report | 13 Aug 2015 17:53 |
There is absolutely nothing wrong with contacting Social Workers even at this stage. While she is reasonably aware, her wishes not to be placed in residential care will be listened to. |
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SuffolkVera | Report | 13 Aug 2015 17:42 |
I know it is a really difficult subject. If your aunt is anything like my Dad she won't see any need to go in to residential care because she won't realise she isn't coping. Does your cousin or anyone else have Power of Attorney for your aunt? If not, and if your aunt is still capable of understanding it, try and get it set up. Then if the time comes when decisions have to be made for your aunt at least it will be someone who knows and loves her making them for her, and not some anonymous official. |
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PollyinBrum | Report | 13 Aug 2015 17:06 |
Back home now, Auntie was still in bed, but got up and sat in the lounge in her dressing gown. She was happy chatting to me, and for a moment one could almost think that there was nothing wrong. Except, she is taking her sleeping medication before going to bed, then falling asleep on the sofa, waking up at 2.am . She is skipping meals. We are taking things a day at a time, whilst my cousin is able to cope, both of them are reluctant to talk about residential care or social workers. It's so difficult to what to say or do for the best. We are all going out for lunch one day next week. |
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Sharron | Report | 13 Aug 2015 13:10 |
We had to have Fred's girlfriend sectioned and she went into residential care. |
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KittytheLearnerCook | Report | 13 Aug 2015 12:50 |
Having seen my Mum struggling with AZ for 10 long years, I feel for all of you. |
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AnnCardiff | Report | 13 Aug 2015 12:10 |
you really need to get in touch with GP or Social Services to get some sort of care package in place - e.g. someone to go in a few times a day <3 <3 <3 |
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PollyinBrum | Report | 13 Aug 2015 12:00 |
Thank you all so much, its early days for us yet, but having had my late MIL suffer, I guess I am looking at longer the term implications, |
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+++DetEcTive+++ | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:59 |
Its so difficult when they've expressed a wish not to be taken in to residential care. The flip side is that if your cousin's own health suffers, your aunt may end up in a not ideal emergency placement. |
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SuffolkVera | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:59 |
My heart goes out to anyone who is watching a loved one in the throes of dementia. We had this with my father who was already in semi-sheltered accommodation and was becoming a danger to himself and others. My brother gave up work to share a house with Dad and look after him and it was a terrible strain. |
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Barbra | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:55 |
My Dad went to Day care 3 days a week .it helped & relatives can have a break & you know they are safe & being looked after .also they get lunch &.afternoon tea, .hairdresser .& most of all company Gp is first contact don't be alone help is there Barbra |
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PatinCyprus | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:40 |
My cousins went through this, they tried to cope with someone who was active and still quite strong. All went ok for a while and she behaved and did what she was told. Then aunty started going walkabout, she'd just slip out unnoticed. She would go local shopping without money, just take things off the shelves. The local shopkeepers were very good and just took most of the products back but some had to be paid for. |
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PollyinBrum | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:33 |
Thank you. I am hurting a bit today <3 <3 <3 <3 |
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Mersey | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:29 |
Thinking of you Paula <3 <3 |
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Barbra | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:22 |
Paula .it is Hard when you see a relative not well .you will make the right decision .a lot of us have had Alzheimers in the family its Heart breaking .just give her a cuddle & maybe take some family photos & talk to her about the people in the family Take care Barbra <3 |
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Von | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:21 |
Thinking of you Paula. |
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**Ann** | Report | 13 Aug 2015 11:14 |
Paula <3 <3 <3 |