General Chat

if your progress is hampered by traveller on foot, tootle him gently,
if he still impedes your passage, trumpet him with vigour

.......

I used to be indecisive
but these days, I'm not so sure.......

"Abstinence has not been tried & found wanting; it has been found difficult & not tried!" (GK Chesterton).

Some Bob Monkhouse classics:

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

My wife said: "Can my mother come down for the weekend?" So I said "Why?" and she said "Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already".

I spilt some stain remover on my sleeve. How do you get that out?

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?






:-D :-D :-D

As salesmen like to say "you can't afford not to buy."

not a one liner..........but!


(pinched from an email, as you do)


I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.

I don’t have to go to school or work.

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad.

I don’t have a curfew.

I have a driver’s licence and my own car.

I have ID that gets me into bars and the Beer Store.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.

And I don’t have acne.



Life is great.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed


What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.

A clock face never frowns.

A clock wastes no time.

A backward step delights a Genealogist. :-D

a retrograde step is like walking backwards........

an inclined plane is just a slow pup...........

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

I have an Inferiority Complex .....
...... but it's not a good one!

Love means nothing to a tennis player!


I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous!


Getting paid to sleep would be a dream job!

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play

Every calendars' days are numbered.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.