General Chat

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’ Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot. ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’ The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird. ‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.’ :-D :-D

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Kath. x

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heh heh
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I quite like a clean joke

mind I do laugh at the mucky ones too :-D :-D

It's the way you tell em Joy ;-) :-D

You mean the way I copy and paste them Emma haha :-D :-D

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Letter from ASDA to a banned customer:

Dear Bobby Cornwall.

Please note the following reasons why you are now banned from ASDA Stores in Cornwall.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. January 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. January 24: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. February 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. February 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in House Wares..... and watched what happened.
5. February 27: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" causing injury to other shoppers.
6. March 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor department and invited shoppers in if they would bring you sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. March 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help you?, you began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. April 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked your nose, and ate it.
9. April 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House Wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were situated.
10. May 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the theme tune from "Mission Impossible"
11. May 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. May 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICKME, PICK ME!"
13. May 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."
And; last, but not least:
14. June 2: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
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*Joy * :-D ;-)

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