General Chat

I know it's early days but being in our house on my own is very lonely

Michael was Catholic but I am not , we did marry in out local Catholic Church in 1957 .
When we moved to Kent in 1967. Michael joined his local Catholic Church and over the years the parish priests have moved on and been replaced

Just a couple of weeks before Michael came home from hospital the parish priest was moved on and a new parish priest moved in and he had several visits from the new parish priest as well as the wife of one of the deacons

I must say that his church was wonderful .both before he was hospitalised when they were told that he was having problem getting to mass and a big help was set in place to when he came home from hospital


Even though I am not catholic the parish priest phoned me to say that on the 6th dec at the evening mass Michael would be commemorated which is usual 6 weeks after the death

Myself and our daughter and grandaugher went to the mass which was very emotional as they said his name and that his family were there and his name is now in the church memorial book

Folks there who knew Michael were very supportive and were lovely too me in that I had made sure he went to mass, I said I know his church was important to him ,we married in the Catholic Church cos that to was important to him and his family .

The wife of one of the Deacons was there & she had visited him at home several times. She said she was impressed that I had taken Michael to church each week but to me that was no problem cos Michael's catholic religion was so important to him. As a young lad he had been an altar boy and he never lost his commitment

But moving on from being really lonely at home as am on my own , to knowing where I need to go from now is a big decision

I am comforted to know if I had gone first he really wouldn't have coped

Shirley, you're still in the early stages of grief. Please don't expect a sudden change as it takes quite a while for the raw pain to soften. Some 'experts' suggest that first year is the hardest; after then you'll be able to look back on your life together with love and fondness rather than out and out sadness.

The way you were able to recognise the importance of his Faith to him and enable him to participate is just as important as the Parish's support.

If you need to share or even rage, , there are various online sites where you may feel comfortable. There's also the charity 'Cruse' which offers support and counselling. Their website says they will come and visit if you'd rather not hack across to Maidstone.

No one on Genes would mind at all if you wanted to just talk about your husband. <3

Oh Shirley - tiny steps not big ones. <3

Shirley there is no time limit on grieving. <3

you'll get there Shirley - it does take time - took me over a year before I could talk about him without weeping, but I kept talking about him and still do even though it's now over thirteen years ago - but I no longer cry - music is usually the trigger for me and that's when I play CDs in my car - he was in arguably the top Welsh Male choir, Pendyrus, and I have many of their CDs, so they usually can set me off

Shirley has everyone has said its very early days, I was told not to make any big decision for at least a year I passed this on to my friend when she lost her husband and wanted to sell her house has soon has but she delayed it for three years when she was really ready. I had a very good friend and all I wanted to do for the first couple of years was talk about him, he still comes up sometimes and it is now nearly twenty years you are very well Shirley just take a day at a time

It's good to know that the church was so supportive to Michael Shirley - he would be comforted by that.

As for yourself, you don't need to go anywhere yet......you just need to give yourself time to adjust to your new phase in life. Do it gently and be kind to yourself. Everyone deals with bereavement differently and there is no time limit - no rush. <3

<3 Shirley

I typed a few lines, then deleted them.

There's no timetable for grief, time doesn't really heal, but things get a wee bit easier.



<3

Shirley, people are people first, before religion. <3

My Brother in law died 8 years ago, aged 56.
The last thing my sister wanted was for him to be forgotten, for people to awkwardly try not to talk about him.
We all remember him 'at his worst' (usually the best times), and still have a laugh about things he said/did, or, if we find ourselves in an 'awkward' position - ie the local drunk boring us, we discuss how he would have reacted, and what he would have said.

Shirley, you will get good days and low days, but this is the worst time of year for coping, with short daylight days, and bad weather making it difficult to get outside. I hope you will find those contact details from the church useful and will also encourage visitors to call sometimes.

You might like to write your thoughts and feelings down in a letter to Michael, a bit like a diary, telling him snippets of news etc and if you read it back later, you will notice how far you have come.

Take care, remember we are all here for you

Lizxx