General Chat

That is certainly a thought TessakaBridget and I did think the paternal grandmother might have had an influence on him, too. There is a real possibility that this grandmother moved to the other side of the country that year. It may have been a manoeuvre to break up the relationship.

Very sad, Maggie. Thank goodness it is different nowadays. Sad that you missed an opportunity to have a relationship with Arthur.

If it's another generation, could they not be introduced as 'friends of the family'.

I only ask this, as I had a great uncle who was special needs (severe autism from what I can gather). He was kept within the immediate family, had a job, but was put in a home when he retired, as he needed routine.
He apparently never spoke, but had a very logical and mathematical mind.
I knew very little about him.
When I started delving into genealogy, I found him, and asked about him - I had met every other g aunt and uncle in the family - when had he died?
I found out he died in 1984, aged 81.

For 8 years, I had lived a bus ride from the home he was in, and for 3 years, he was in a home around the corner from where I lived. I would have loved to have met him.
From the age of 12, I was doing voluntary work in a children's unit of a psychiatric hospital, (true, just to avoid PE, Games, RE and Cookery), - in those days, it was special needs children, those with Down's Syndrome, Hydrocephalus, and other various problems, but I also went on to work in an adult psychiatric hospital, where women who had had illegitimate children in the 1920's were 'hidden', and people with epilepsy were barricaded away from society, so why had no-one thought I wouldn't be 'phased' by my g uncle Arthur? (So glad views changed!!)

My mum had an odd reaction ( to my mind) to 'other' people, as she called them. She knew about Arthur, but when we passed a psychiatric unit in Southampton, and I asked what was behind 'that' wall, she would hurry on and say I 'wouldn't want to know'!!

I would have liked to have chatted to Arthur, who appeared to have been accepted by his own generation, but rejected by the next, so the following generation were denied any knowledge of him... ...

In the UK if parents are not married the mother cannot (legally) put the fathers name on the birth cert. unless he is there/gives his permission..

This means that perhaps mum would have put dads name on the cert. If she was allowed to, I.e. it was not her choice.

It may be worthwhile contacting the mother, so she has the choice this time.

However, be prepared to wait a long time to hear back from her, and be ready to receive a rejection.

Wishing you luck.

Thank you all for your input. That is the situation, Rose.

It might have been different had the now grown 'child' been able to communicate, there might have been a part of them that would have been curious to know about their birth family and even share photographs etc.

Really now it is the mother's story. I'm mostly with you Kay. Sadly, there is no proximity in our addresses that would permit any practical help. I keep mulling it over. I can't believe that the mother would welcome contact, though.

Thank you all.

If there has been no desire or even knowledge of any extended family then it could be too emotional to comprehend the whole situation and if any lines of future approach needs to be done with extreme care and by an insider who knows the actual persons personallity and traits brought about by their disability...the mother could possibly not cope with having this heaped on her offspring regardless of age...

If they are happy and had a good life then I'd be satisfied with that and look in from afar..........

Unless you already had family contact with the family in the past I'd say no as family, maybe as a friend.
The mother had her reasons for not putting the fathers details on the BC, and if you're a relative of the father maybe she doesn't want to see you either. If her child is that bad is she making decisions for them no matter what their age.

I think I am reading it differently to Ann? I'm assuming that there is no medical benefit to the child from being in touch with the birth father's family? that it would be just to 'make good' on past lack of contact?

I'd have to say it largely depends on the child's mother especially if the child is under 18 (and even if over 18 really). Do you think the mother would welcome contact? I'm guessing perhaps not, but you never know till you try.

It may not be possible for there to be contact with the child as 'relatives' if the child would not be able to cope with that due to the disability, but there might be some contact as 'friends of the family' ?

Sorry if I'm reading it wrongly.

if it were my child and the disability was life threatening then I'd do whatever I could to find a solution

Sorry, I'm not sure which board to write this on…

A man fathers a child but does not appear on the birth certificate. The child stays with the mother who then quickly marries another man, so the child has a step-father from an early age.

The birth father's mother (paternal grandmother) rejects the child from the onset, as do uncles and aunts. The birth father dies when the child is young, one would assume there has been no contact with the child.

The child has a major disability and whilst is able to understand, cannot communicate.

Assuming the paternal grandmother has died, as extended family on the birth father's side.. would you consider contact? I'm sadly thinking not...