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As it is already Christmas Eve In Oz, I thought that I would re-post the following.
I did post it originally last Christmas Eve :-)
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'Twas Christmas Day in the workhouse
The Merriest Day of the year
The paupers and the prisoners were all assembled there.
In came the Christmas pudding
When a voice that shattered glass
Said: "We don't want your Christmas pudding
So stick it with the rest of the unwanted presents"
The workhouse master then arose
And prepared to carve the duck
He said: "Who wants a parson's nose?"
And the prisoners shouted: "You have it yourself sir."
The vicar brought his bible
And read out little bits
Said one old crone at the back of the hall
"This man gets on very well with everybody"
The workhouse mistress then began
To hand out Christmas parcels
The paupers tore the wrappers off
And began to wipe their eyes, which were full of tears.
The master rose to make a speech
But just before he started
The mistress, who was fifteen stone,
Gave three loud cheers and nearly choked herself
And all the paupers then began
To pull their Christmas crackers
One pauper held his too low down
And blew off both his paper hat and the man's next to him.
A steaming bowl of white bread sauce
Was handed round to some
An aged gourmet called aloud
"This bread sauce tastes like it was made by a continental chef"
Mince pie with custard was the next
And each received a bit
One pauper said: "This mince pie's nice
"But the custard tastes like the bread sauce we had in the last verse!"
The mistress dishing out the food
Dropped custard down her front
She cried: "Aren't I a silly girl?"
And they answered: "You're a perfect picture as always Ma'am!"
"This pudding," said the master
"Is solid, hard and thick
"How am I going to cut it?"
And a man cried: "Use your penknife sir, the one with the pearl handle"
The mistress asked the vicar
To entertain his flock
He said: "What would you like to see?"
And they cried: "Let's see your conjuring tricks, they're always worth watching".
"Your reverence may I be excused?"
Said one benign old chap
"I don't like conjuring tricks
"I'd sooner have a carol or two around the fire"
So then they all began to sing
Which shook the workhouse walls
"Merry Christmas!" cried the master
And the inmates shouted: "Best of luck to you as well sir!"
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*Sniggers"
Thank you Allan. :-D :-D :-D
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Doesn't time fly when you are having fun :-D Merry Christmas To you & yours ~~~~PH love the avatar <3
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I remember this from last year and still laugh at it, thankyou
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The Genealogist's Christmas Eve
'Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even my spouse.
The dining room table with clutter was spread
With pedigree charts and with letters which said........
"Too bad about the data for which you wrote;
Sank in a storm in on ill-fated boat."
Stacks of old copies of wills and such
Were proof that my work had become too much.
Our children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads.
As I sat at my table, it was ready to drop
From work on my album with photos to crop.
Christmas was here, and such was my lot
The presents and goodies and toys I'd forgot.
Had I not been busy with grandparents' wills,
I'd not have forgotten to shop for such thrills.
While others bought to bring Christmas cheers.
I'd spent time researching those birth dates and years.
While I was thus musing about my sad plight.
A strange noise on the lawn gave me such a great fright.
Away to the window I flew in a flash,
Tore open the drapes and yanked up the sash.
When what with my wondering eyes should appear,
But an overstuffed sleigh and eight small reindeer.
Up to the house-top the reindeer they flew,
With a sleigh full of toys and Santa Clause, too.
Then in a twinkle, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of thirty-two hoofs.
As I drew in my head, and bumped it on the sash,
Down the cold chimney fell Santa KER-RASHH !
"Dear" Santa had come from the roof in a wreck,
And tracked soot on the carpet (I could wring his short neck)
Spotting my face, Santa could see
I had no Christmas spirit you'd have to agree.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to work
And filled all the stockings, (I felt like a Jerk)
Here was Santa, who brought us gladness and joy:
When I'd been too busy for even one toy.
He spied my research on the table all spread
"A GENEALOGIST!" he cried! (My face was all Red)
"Tonight I've met many like you", Santa grinned,
As he pulled from his sack a large book he had penned.
I gazed with amusement - - the cover it read
Genealogy Line for which you have Plead.
"I know what it's like as a genealogy bug".
As he gave me a great Santa hug.
While the elves make the sleighful of toys I now carry,
I do some research in the North Pole Library.
A special treat I am thus able to bring.
To genealogy folk who can't find a thing.
Now off you go to your bed for a rest,
I'll clean up the house from this genealogy mess.
As I climbed up the stairs full of gladness and glee,
I looked back at Santa who'd brought much to me.
While sitting in bed, I heard Santa's clear whistle,
To his team, which then rose like the down of a thistle.
And I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
"Family History is fun! Merry Christmas! Goodnight!"
LA
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Thank you Allen. and. LA.
Happy Christmas.
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Wishing you all A very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year :-D
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