General Chat

good for you, Shirley!

another little step xxx

Thank you all for your kind words

We knew each other for 60 years, met when I was 18 and he was 21 and married two years later so was married for 58 years .

Feeling a little less depressed today and have had my hair done do no more grey roots !! I have it done every 6 weeks and always say when it cut and coloured that I feel human again. Have very fast growing hair so in 6 weeks I have about an inch regrowth

xxx to everyone <3

There is no time limit on grief.

My heart goes out to you all who are
finding it difficult to cope at this time <3

Theres no right way or wrong way to deal with this Shirley
just take it one day at a time hun :-D

(((hug)))

RMS ..............

I'm sorry xxxx

I can sympathise and empathise with you because I lost my mother in a similar way and just as suddenly. However, we were all a lot younger ........ she was 57, I was 21.

Dad "existed" for another 10 years before he finally got his wish, although he did find some comfort with another lady friend in the last couple of years ............... my brother never accepted that, OH and I did.



I'm sure the loss of companionship must be about the worst aspect for the spouse left behind.

None of us know how we will cope with the death of a partner till it happens and we all grieve differently. I know that both OH and I are more than capable of looking after ourselves, dealing with finances etc., but I have no idea what the loss of 50 odd years of companionship would be like.

Shirley, you are doing great. Just give yourself time and take each day as it comes.

RMS, I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been a great shock to you. It's hard not to say goodbye but take comfort in the fact that your mother didn't suffer for long.
My mum died at 58 after many years of illness and pain. I would have given up all my opportunities of saying goodbye if I could have spared her that. I am sure your mum died knowing she was loved.

Shirley and RMS <3 <3 <3

Shirley, I'm really not trying to say it is easy, honest I'm not.

But you knew he was ill, you got to say goodbye, we didn't. Mum died last year of a sudden massive heart attack. She had a clean bill of health only 3 weeks earlier.

Dad is like you, just waiting to join her. but he is slowwwwwwwwwwwly getting better.

God........ please ignore me but I need to tell somebody and you just happened to be in the line of fire.

SORRY <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Good for you, Shirley xxx

I've always been an independent cuss, and we are not as dependent on each other as some of you. I believe that I would be fine, and so would my OH when inevitably one dies before the other. We have 1 child who lives close to 6000 km away, and are in the process of re-writing our will .............. everything we have is co-owned and that creates little problem here when it is spouse to spouse. Even our car is in both of our names, even though I have never driven!

One thing I do know, and I have said it for many years, is that I would not stay in the house if I was the one left alone ........... I would not rush it, but I would move. I do not like gardening, am not interested in house maintenance, and have no family to help .............. so I would sell the house and rent an apartment.

Renting is now recommended to be the best option for seniors here vs buying an apartment as there are so many costs associated with buying (maintenance fees, etc).

OH would stay in the house as long as he could, as he loves the garden.


However, I have had the experience of watching two of our closest friends dealing with the deaths of their respective partners over the last 3 years.

J's husband died 3 years ago after 3 or 4 years of suffering dementia and finally cancer. L's wife died very suddenly 2 years ago, a split aorta.

J&R had been married 32/33 years ......... they didn't marry until they were 50, so J was 82 when she was left alone.

L&P had been married for 49 years, L was about 73.

Neither couple had children, and no other close family nearby as both had moved to Canada from other countries. Both have loads of friends, a few of them very close

J continued to live in their large house with huge garden for another 18 months, with help from a cleaner and a gardener once a week, before deciding to put it on the market, and moving into a 2 bedroom condo. House, car etc were co-owned but R had a lot of money "things" under his own name. J told us in November that things were still not completed .......... she died 10 days ago

L & P had written a several page "guideline to what to do after one of us dies" several years ago, and kept it updated. L just followed that guideline, which gave such things as who to notify, passwords and account numbers, etc etc.

Within 3 months he had found a new condo and had the old one on the market ......... he and P had been thinking of doing just that, and the perfect condo just happened to be on sale. He bought a new car, he forced himself to go out, and on holiday by himself.


J thought he'd moved too fast, L thought she was moving too slowly!


In all truth, I'm not sure who made the best adjustment .......... each did it in their own way, but L was just as able to take care of himself and to handle matters as J was.

Dear Shirley,

Many thanks for your reply.I can only imagine what it must be like for you and all others in the same position.

When you know your lovely Husband would not have been able to cope ,then it has to have been a blessing for him and in a different sort of way for you too.
I keep you in my thoughts ,and ask and pray for you to be given the strength you need to help you
Bless you
Lorretta
xx

Thank you , its such an awfull place to be that to me its place you cant ever imagine being in

I know he would never have been able to cope so maybe me being the stronger
Is meant to be

:-(

May I just add,I am not in your position,and really wouldn't want to be ,none of us want to be.However can I just say our loved ones may pass from our sight and our sound,but they are always very close to us .
This is my own spiritual beliefs,and I have found it to be of help to others I have spoken to about sadly being left without our Husband.Wife.Partner.
I lost both my parents,A Brother,a baby brother stillborn and a baby sister only 10 months of age .So while I do not have the sorrows or grief of losing my beloved Husband I do have suffered grief and loss of loved ones
God Bless you xx

I suspect that the coming months will bring many tears and a few laughs as you remember your past life together. Like us you were together for a long time. I don't like to think of being in your shoes, but I hope if/when I am, I manage as well as you have because whatever you may think you are doing OK.

Well done Grandson and SiL for decoratin for you, it sounds as if you will be very cosy. <3 <3 <3

They are your soul mate and very best friend so you can't image life without them

I know ,poor man he didn't want what his body /brain did to him and it did frustrate him and he got bolshy with me fussing over him,

He had lots of falls that I tried to help ,but it became obvious that I couldn't safely get him up . I was told too don't try cos you may do harm that isn't obvious

Well when we picked up his ashes they were weighty .he was over 6 lbs so had a good bone density well he had lots of falls with no broken bones

it is hard Shirley - but you will get there - I have <3

Shirley.... <3 <3 <3 <3

Well it's been a bloody awful time . Said to my friend you do think how will it be if he goes but the reality is 1000 times worse than you could imagine and it takes some thought of what do I do now ??
I often think now I am just in limbo just waiting to join him .
Depression isnt a good place


Our family have been great in looking out for me and how I am coping

Well before hubby's illness he was looking at replacing the tv cos it was old and playing up . It was put on hold but in the sales I did buy a new tv with soundbox and grandson installed it for me taking out the old surround system etc .

We had the tv wall mounted but I always hated the hanging wires so now It on a tv cabinet


So for me being a lucky girl,!!!! this last weekend grandson and SIL came up and redecorated the lounge /diner and took away all the redundant wires and speakers

It looks very fresh and is waiting now for the new carpet to be fitted

I am moving on a little to make it my taste and to be comfy for me

Daughter said MUM spend some of the money making yourself comfy cos I don't want the money I want you to be comfy .

Small steps , I am moving on but not forgetting or putting aside our life together

It' is a bloody hard journey though :-(