General Chat

I have had some odd events and happening s over the years that i have often though I have some physic untrained powers .

I am drawn now to wanting to try and make a connection with my Michael

Some years ago daughter and I went to a Colin Fry show that was being filmed for future broadcast . There is more than the show was broadcast,as he went with the flow and it was very edited to fit with the time spot


He picked on daughter and said an Emma was coming through . She didn't know an Emma' so he moved on . I was too shy to speak up but Emma was my paternal Gran !!

Won't go into details of out of body experience s I have had but I am very open to thinking passing on isn't the end

I hope I can be in contact once more with my famiiy that have gone before

<3

Personally I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole

Me neither

Nor me!

and I am one who does think that soem people can make connections, and that others can see ghosts.

BUT, not that church.

Am stiil on the not sure but also wanting hopefully to connect

:-(

Shirley...I would say don't do anything in a hurry.
You are very lonely right now and miss your Michael so much ,but when we are low,we look for anything that can give us some hope.

It is hard living alone as a few of us on here know.I still get lonely at times ,but do try to push myself to go out,even though sometimes the easier option is to stay in.

I think the option of joining a group for morning coffee..as I do with a group of ex carers,I go every Tues morning and we have chats and a laugh.
I have been assessed to be a volunteer for learning difficulties,just a buddy but when you have been a carer its part of your nature to want to help others.
I haven't joined U 3 A..have thought about it.
I am going on a few day trips on a coach .that way you will meet other widows who are in the same boat.
You may want to go to the Spiritualist church,but don't just jump in through loneliness until you have really thought if this is what you really want.
<3 <3

Oh Shirley.........It will be clear that you are there because a wild guess will be you have recently lost a close loved one,,,,,,,a good gues will be your husband,,,,,,,once thats admitted out will come.

hes happy,hes watching over you,hes close by,,,he loved his garden,he misses the cat/dog ,,hes with family......,,,,,,& all things that can fit into your homelife in people of a certain age,,,,,also you maybe told by the clutching of a chest it was sudden,,,,,,,,it will upset you ,and when you sit and think after,,,,,,you will have come away with nothing but tears.

Most can fit a name into their family somewhere.if not it will be passed over that its someone from the dark ages who Michael has met upwith.........what they wont tell you is his name.unles its a wild guess,,

I played along with a physic,,yes I said to almost everything,,,,,,,I even got a drawing,,,,,oh how lovely,,,,,,,,,,a picture image.........no,,,,, it looked nothing like my mum.,,,,,, short curly haired woman.with glasses. :-D :-D :-D.
Then after I said how I had fooled him......and all that was said to me was rubbish,,,,,,,,,,,he held up his hands and said.....

some you win,some you dont........ :-D :-D.
yet people were in awe of the rubbish as it slotted into what they wished it to be.........

I've been several times locally, and with friends to see mediums in the past. I'm open minded but sceptical by nature lol which is a bit of a contradiction.

But I have had experiences (as have other family members) that are not easily explained which I believe 'may' be 'something'. None of them it has to be said, with a medium or at a church, or anywhere I have had to pay for, though the local church asks for £2 to cover hall rental and the people who run it are very pleasant, sing a few uplifting songs, say general prayers for people which can't hurt.

I have seen some terrible cold reading ( not actually in this church) and 'fuzzy' messages but so many people are desperate to contact recently lost loved ones and will 'accept' messages that are not 'for them' as none of the details match but the temptation to say 'yes this is my husband/wife etc contacting me' is clearly overwhelming.

That said, some people who do 'get a message' clearly find it comforting but relying on regular contact even if that is possible is not a good thing.

The one thing I would say is that it is too soon. You need time to settle into the life you now have...and it is my belief that if there is another place, call it heaven or whatever, then the same applies there also.

It's maybe I need to try and connect with him . but I am not daft that some are charlatans and feed on folks grief

Not rushing into things as am very unsure and normally I take load s of time mulling things over anyway

Probably clutching at straws

Know hubby would say "silly cow I don't agree "as he was a practicing. Catholic

I am not but his church were lovely with help and surport and they said we are here for you too

Maybe I need to try some counselling first

As I have said already I am floundering

Just had an enormous sobbing cry and felt sick

I do so feel for others who have lost a dear one . No one can tell you the effects till it happens to,you

Shirley some people do find counselling helpful, if you think you might then do try it, but it isn't for everyone.

You have probably been largely in shock for months, while you get things organised it puts off the moment when your loss breaks over you. For some it comes straight away, for others 6 months or a year down the line when the important dates come round. Have a good cry, it really is the best thing. You have a right to flounder and to grieve in your own way, there isn't a time limit to 'get over it' , you just get through it on a day by day basis until it gets easier.


(((hugs)))

give yourself time Shirley - you'll get there without going down the spiritualist or psychic route - I am a Christian - I lost my husband quite suddenly after 43 years of happy marriage - I would like nothing more than to "connect" with him but know it will not happen - not in this life anyway

It's early days for you Shirley - things are still raw - just make sure you keep a smile on your face then people won't avoid you or be embarrassed to talk to you - make sure you talk about him at every opportunity - it's 14 years October for me - sometimes feels like yesterday - sometimes like forever - but I still talk about him, and as someone said to me after Lawrence died - no one is really dead until everyone who knew them is dead too!!

My sister used to asked me not to talk about him as it upset her - well tough - I won't stop

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Shirley you dont need a spiritualist church ,you need to meet with people in the same position as yourself,a group maybe in your area,people of a mixed age but who all have a common link,perhaps AGE uk in your locality know of one..

You may even meet a good lady companion to share lots of stuff with,,,afternoon teas, a lunch day .a show,.day trips and of course talks.......

Hello Shirley,

Isn't there a organisation called Cruse that helps with counselling etc? Maybe if you contact them they can help you.

Have you a local Spritualist church you could visit, sometimes they might have drop in sessions like coffee mornings or similar where you could visit. I think it's too soon to go specifically looking for contact but showing an interest wouldn't hurt.

I believe there is something more after we die and as I have mentioned before on here, did get a message from my late Mum once, nothing earth shattering but something the medium couldn't and wouldn't have known about me, coming from London and not knowing I would even be there that night. The picture that was drawn was definitely my Mum and what they told me about her ailments were also correct especially one quite intimate one, that the wouldn't speak of publicly but told me quietly when they handed over the drawing.

Let yourself have a good cry if it comes, it's very early days yet and this week is especially emotional with the birthdays and anniversary. I hope you will have company on your birthday to spend time doing something nice, treat yourself too.

Lizxx

Dear Shirley,

It has taken me some time to join your thread, the main reason being that I have not been in the position you find yourself in. I have decided, however, to jump in.

At a time like this, I feel that you ought to do whatever gets you through this period and eases your mind. It will be your choice to continue or discontinue whatever you opt to do at this time. Do what you feel comfortable with.

There are a number of good suggestions on your thread and you, yourself, mention a clergyman.

My own inclination would be to get out and mix whether it is at coffee mornings or lunch groups that local churches and community centres run. Our local U3A runs a lunch group and a short-walk-followed by-lunch group - although these are monthly events. It also has a variety of interest groups meeting monthly. Our local community centre runs a weekly Monday Lunch Club and one of the utility providers runs a Friday one. There may well be notices in your community centre or local supermarkets. Also, have you thought about doing some voluntary work?

Although I am not a churchgoer, I would happily talk with a clergyman but that is something I used to do regularly with the work chaplain. Remember that you can speak with him/her openly and without fear of gossip being passed on.

As far as the spiritualist church is concerned, I would not approach it but I do know a dear friend who visited one of them for about six months and found a little comfort before turning to her own local church where she found a huge amount of solace and, by what she said to me, she wished she had gone to her local church first.

You may also find that by popping into a local cafe for morning coffee you meet others in a similar position to you simply by way of a good-morning greeting first. I know quite a few people who have done that since retirement and/or loss of a loved one. I, myself, since retirement, have made a new set of friends who coffee every morning and I join them at least once a week. The good thing is that we are a mix from all walks of life, nursing sister, teacher, supermarket employee and banker among other things. I knew none of them when I worked.

You still have a life to get on with Shirley, as sad as you feel, and if life had gone the other way would you want your loved one to get on with his life or give up?

You don't have to stick to any choice you make at this moment in time. The main thing is to mix with others and by so doing I hope you find life a little more fulfilling and enjoyable than it is at the moment.

My good wishes go to you for comfort and ease of mind.

Joy
X

I have been to several Tuesday morning coffee meets at the local garden centre run by the U3A , very friendly folk .

Been to one of their monthly meets too and am going to join up next month when their new year starts . Hopefully within the main umbrella I will find a group that is of interest

It's finding your feet as a single rather than a couple now.

Other than family history that I do on my own , we never needed anything other than being together . We would go to a yearly lunch given by Unilever who I worked for ,plus we went together to meetings and a yearly dinner of my old school Haberdashers Askes I was on the old girls association commitee for 4 years .

I am off this Friday to the annual dinner , hope I don't get lost driving there !!

It's all small drops in the ocean though

Shirley, I'd advise against it. My wife had a bad experience with one that advertised in the paper. Began demanding money or else . Wife was in tears.
I replied on her behalf. If they didn't cease communicating with her I would advise the Police the Inland Revenue, my MP etc

They never replied, but I had nightmares for a month....strange or what?

Please don’t confuse ‘Mediums’ who ply their trade for monetary reward with members of a Spiritualist Church. You’re more likely to come across charlatans who advertise in a paper than at a meeting.

Like other’s, I’d advise finding other outlets for your grief rather than attempt to ‘contact’ Michael. He was a life-long member of the Catholic Church and may not have approved. Convention refers to ‘Rest in Peace’. Would he really want you to ‘Disturb’ him?
Just something to think about.

Shirley do what YOU feel comfortable with, whether that is going to a spiritualist church once to see what it's like, or sitting in the church where your husband worshiped ( possibly you would feel even closer to him there?).

There is no one right way to get through, some people find counselling helpful, some definitely don't, likewise the company of others in the same position is not always the best thing, so anything where there is an interest in something 'impersonal', like U3A is a good idea, or a craft hobby that you can go to classes for or even volunteering to help at a library with genealogy research classes.

But also when you feel like being alone with your thoughts, do that too. Potter in the garden if you can, or little trips out somewhere you liked going together or that you never went to, one celebrates treasured memories. the other helps makes new ones.

Thank you all

Have read all your replies and thanks for the advice

DET you are probably correct . Michael was a life long practising Catholic and the parish priest came to see him several times ,both before his final illness and during his last three weeks at home . Even took his cremation service and it was very personal as he knew him .

Yes it's really possible he wouldn't want me to try a contact as he would want to be left to RIP .

I know his church would be pleased for me to go there . I have had several calls from the wife of the deacon who helped him with his mobility at the Sunday masses and came to his funeral, asking how I am doing and saying we are here if you need us .

I am not inclined to Catholicism so really don't want to go down that route

I need to go with the flow I think for the moment and see what comes along


Thank you all again for your input



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A lot of good advice on here Shirley. Its good to think that your husband's church have enquired about your wellbeing and I don't think it would hurt to have a chat with the priest. You are not asking to be converted but simply to understand what your husband found so comforting in the faith. From that, you may be able to gain some comfort for yourself. x