General Chat

I don't post much these days, but a few oldies will know I spent years searching for my brother and we finally made contact after over 30 years last year. Its going well and we plan to meet soon. However, we had an adopted sibling, she has made contact with him and he is thrilled, and I have found this harder to handle. I am still coming to terms with finally finding him after so long and feel less happy about this. Selfish I know, if I was advising someone else I would go against all my instincts, but my own are less than rationale, and not what I expected but also real and disappointing.

I am not surprised you are finding it hard to handle. It must be a shock for you. Maybe in time when all this has sunk in you will feel different about it all. Meeting your brother after over 30 years will feel strange to you but at least you knew about him unlike your adopted sibling.

It's only natural to find this hard.

You have spent 30 long years searching for your brother. Now you have found him at last, you probably wanted him to yourself, to get to know each other and grow close. This is only human.

Now there's another sibling. One you never knew about. He's excited about this, but you are nervous it will take a little of him away from you perhaps. It was all new and exciting for you. You had found your "flesh and blood" , the brother you had longed for, and you are probably fearing things will not be the same.

You probably have fears about whether you will get on with this new person, especially as you were totally unprepared for this.

Just give yourself time to come to terms with this new development. You may eventually find the new sibling will be as dear to you as your brother is. :-) :-)

Well I was going to come on and say something Maddie but Jem has said it all for me. I am sure you will eventually get over the 'shock' and see that you have not one, but two new people to get to know. Please let us know how you get on when you meet them. Just, as Jem says let it settle in your mind slowly. Life doesn't always turn out as we expect, but, if you think about it, it is exciting. See if, when you meet up you have a first meeting with your brother, then with your adopted sister at a later date, that might help.

From Facebook and the like, in the last two years have found 2 Half Cousins who live about 150 miles from me in different directions. I have never met them but hope to do so this year. To say I am worried is putting it mildly but at the same time I'd love to meet them.

Maddie I remember your searching, and am so glad that you have found your brother. Jemima's advice is spot on. Remember you don't have to have a 'sibling relationship' from the word go if it doesn't happen naturally, which it may well do, you can make a friend of the person first and work forward from that. Very best wishes for future meetings :-)

Speaking from my experience, I can recommend meeting as many relatives as you possibly can. I have met quite a few through this site alone and not a dud among them. Not sure what they make of me though :-0 ;-) :-D