General Chat

My grandfather's birthday was also Christmas Day. We always had to go on that day ............ imagine trying to get decent bus service on that day.

Not sure what the married uncle did or when he visited 'cos it was usually only our family there at the time.

When grandfather died, his death was registered with birthday Dec 25. THEN uncle found a birth certificate 6 weeks later ..... it had been pushed to the back of a drawer.

Grandfather's birthday was actually January 9 ................. he was baptized in late December almost 1 year later with his younger sister.

It took buying his birth certificate, and finding his baptism for me to determine that he was actually almost 1 year older than we thought! :-0

Its like when my sister goes abroad she won’t tell us so when I saw her at the weekend I said to to her I want you to think about this please do you think you could let us know when your away again cos if anything happened to Mum how could we let you know, her reply was I’ll think about it but the answer will still be no.



My mum’s birthday is on Christmas Day and when she was 90 my brother thought it would be nice if the three of us and partners spent the day with her my sister said no it was more important to be with her girls she even put the phone down on our brother when he tried to talk to her about it very selfish

We had a strange one in our family.

Not my mum, but my grandfather.

Grandparents had 4 children over 22 years, the youngest one was brain damaged at birth (forceps). Second child died of leukemia in 1928. Only Mum and 3rd child (a son) married. Only Mum had children.

We used to live across the street from grandparents' house but moved to the other side of town which involved 2 buses each way (no car).

Mum used to go to see grandparents at least once a week, on her day off from work. Grandmother died in 1954, leaving grandfather and the youngest son N alone. Mum went over religiously, helped clean the house, shopping, etc.

The 3rd child and his wife lived 3 streets over, did little.

N had to be taken to Christie's in Manchester for treatment (probably cancer of the neck) around 1955/56, Mum was told that she had to take him .............. by bus each way. The other son had a car, and grandfather was only about 70 but "couldn't" do it..

I was about 16 when grandfather told her that he would leave the house to me if she would promise that I would take care of N for the rest of his life. She refused ............... either to promise or to ask me directly.

Mum died in 1961, and grandfather in 1963, leaving the house to his 3 children. Social Services then got involved (always kept out of the way by grandfather) .................. end result was that the married son bought the house from N, myself and my brother, saying he would look after his brother.

N lived in the house alone with help from SS, was employed at Remploy and with his s-i-l making one meal a day for him ............ she'd cook a hot lunch and take him one portion.

I didn't live in the home town much from 1959, then married in 1967 and left the UK ......... but every time we saw that aunt I would get a mouthful about "that family". Never mentioned everything that Mum had done for years while they did little or nothing.

Eventually the uncle died, and aunt burnt EVERYTHING to do with "that family" .............. never asked me or my brother of there was anything that we might want, such as photos or other memento.

I don't like to think of what she said to neighbours!

Poor you GladgowLass that is heart breaking but has you said has long has you and you and siblings know the truth that’s all that matters and although I don’t wish anyone any harm I am a great believer in what goes around comes around I have seen it happen so many times and I don’t have to do anything. Very sad story.

My experience is similar but different.
I was the one accused of not doing my bit.

My mum had mental health issues for all of her adult life.
"Episodes" could last for years or there could be years between them.

We always knew that the time would come when she would no longer be able to care for herself and the dreaded conversation between all 5 siblings had yet to take place.

Out of the blue, my brother and his (then) wife decided that they would be funding the purchase of her rented council home under the right to buy scheme.
They asked for no interference or objections. They had decided.

On paper, mum would own the house but, it would transfer to them when the time came.
They would live in the house and build an annexe for Mum.
They would claim carers allowance and take responsibility for her.

I wasn't entirely convinced that it was a good idea
OK for MUM but, maybe not for them.


For their sake and their child, had my reservations and explained it to my bro and sil.
With Mum no longer on her own, she may not always get the help she required.
As she would be living with family, who were her paid carers, she would not always be guaranteed admission to a Psych unit when they expected it.

I tried but failed to make the point that if there was only one bed available, mum would be low on priority because she had carers living in the same house.
They refuted this stating that the NHS could not refuse to take her in.
I felt that they were placing themselves in an inevitable difficult and stressful situation which they would be expected to deal with.

Well, a year down the line with everything now in place, the inevitable happened.
Mum's manic episodes meant she was hyperactive and hardly slept.
No available emergency bed.! There were other priority patients.
(It also happened on multiple future episodes)

I was getting phone calls at various times during the day or night..
At this time, I also had young children and I worked every weekend

I was shouted at...
"This is your Mum too"
"We shouldn't have to be responsible and we just cant do it any more"
"We need you to come here now and take over her care"


My sil had been adamant that she understood my Mum's issues and had been around long enough to know.
I had tried so hard to explain that she had never actually SEEN or witnessed a manic episode.
My SIL had only ever seen Mum in a Phsyc Unit after an episode.
What she witnessed was the result of drug therapy.!
A very slow, slurred, drugged up woman!


My Bro and SIL ultimitely divorced.
HE did not take any responsibility for my MUM and left it to his wife to deal.
She did tell me later that she regretted not listening to me.

She admitted that she didn't know what Manic Depression really meant and wasn't prepared for the stress involved.

He still lives in the house but, we no longer talk.
I simply don't like him but I detest his *mouthy 2nd wife"

Their spin on things and what he tells others, is very, very different to facts.
EG: the rest of us never cared about our Mum.
We are all very jealous of him?
Apparently, we each wanted to buy the family home for ourselves and put my Mum in a Home?
He only did it so he could care for his Mum himself.?
He claims that WE were never around either before or after he moved in.
That's his spin on things. His mouthy wife also shouts it from the rooftop too.

NONE of us ever mentioned anything about wanting the house for ourselves. Not once , not to him or even between ourselves??

I don't care what his mates think of me or the rest my siblings.
We cared for our Mum in all respects
We were around there in the annexe almost daily...
Mouthy woman didn't like us being in HER house every day and tells everyone that too?
According to her,... we were never there but, were always in the house???
Which one was it?
We know the truth.. and more.

Part of the reason is won’t go any where with out her partner and about twenty years ago she met someone at work and it broke up her marriage and the judge awarded custody to my ex brother in law long story but the eldest girl went to live with her other grandparents followed by the youngest, my nieces went to live with my sister and partner when they reached seventeen, their both married now and live close to my sister but I think my sister still feels guilty. Trouble is I don’t know how long we have our Mum, I don’t get to see my grandchildren very often cos I’m down at Mum but luckily my children understand

Guess many of us have been in a similar situation

Our sister had a stroke and then was having health problems

She lived in south east London. Her son was an absolute diamond for his mum. His sisters helped as much as they could but they worked so wasn't easy for them

Hubby and I went to visit every week from Kent ,and too when she was later hospitalised

My younger brother too did what he could

We went to the hospital for a visit and she wasn't in the ward. She had deteriorated and put in a side ward and sedated . I got upset seeing her and after about 15 mins hubby said we should leave . What i didn't know was our brother and two of her adult children were there but had gone to the restaurant.

So we know the sister who lived nearest didn't bother to visit but latched on to what I said and tried to say she did the same

We all know she didn't !!!

I've been in that situation. You can ask all you like, and you will get all sorts of promises, but don't hold your breath.

None of us live near Mum we all live about a two hour drive away, but I don’t drive cos I’m not allowed cos I have Petti mal and sometimes I have very bad days I have other problems has well but this does not stop me wanting to do has much has I can for my Mum but I’m just getting very tired

It's never easy or fair, relationships between siblings and their own relationships with parents. My paternal gran lived with us for years after her husband died and, in the last 8-odd years of her life, became debilitated by a number of strokes. Mum and Dad nursed her, there wasn't much help in those days, and it was very hard on them both. Dad's elder brother was always the 'blue-eyed boy' with gran and she was overjoyed when he visited but he rarely helped out and gran probably would have been horrified if Dad had 'made a thing' about it.

Difficult to make a comment without knowing her circumstances/ the distance she has to travel. Could she make her visits fortnightly on one of her days off?

The ‘not doing much’ could be down to your mother. We visit OHs parents every week to take them out to lunch. She doesn’t like it if we try & do any housework as we’re ‘guests’. On the other hand, OH sister lives close by. She drops round usually twice a week. It’s acceptable for her to do whatever is necessary, but not us!

I love my sister but sometimes I really can’t understand her, there’s three of us I’m the eldest then my brother and my sister who is six years younger then me, we have a 95 year mother who lives in warden control but none of us live near her so I come down once very two weeks and take her out and take to the doctors or hospital appointments if I can’t make it my brother comes up he’s very good, any way I saw my sister yesterday she came up for a few hours cos Mum in hospital tomorrow COD she having a cataract done,I asked her if there was any way in the future she could help out a bit more she comes up once a month but does nothing she said she would if I was will to pay her for her lost day at work it’s not that she needs the money my brother said no way