General Chat

Oh my Joan, what a dreadful situation.

I cant believe the care manager was going to have a meeting without you there??? I mean, your daughter doesn't live with you and has a young family so she isnt going to be involved with his care, is she?

I would urge you to go & see your GP before the next meeting. Go in on your own so you can explain exactly your worries & concerns and how it is affecting you.

They will have to create a Care plan for hubby before he can be discharged anyway.

You say hubby doesnt want carers 4 times a day but you simply cant manage his needs. Does he not realise that? You cannot lift him onto the commode and back into bed. The carers have to be trained to do that. Its called manual handling.

I'm so sorry this whole situation is stressing you out, just so awful but please see you GP and tell him everything that has happened and what is happening by yourself.

Sorry I've not been terribly helpful but on here you can rant and rave and we will listen and try and help if we can.

Florence in the hebrides

Unfiotunately, harsh as it is,they are only looking at your husbands needs. It is almost as though you don’t count except for what you can do to help.

I’m surprised a hoist wasn’t on your list of things to fit in the room, and they take up a lot of space.

Was the OT happy with the state of the electrics? Always people you.can call at night - presume that is the ambulance because they can’t send care staff out in an emergency if they haven’t got one available.

As Florence says, come and rant anytime.

And explain the whole situation to your GP as soon as possible - and don't hold back!

I don’t often post on here but wanted to say how sorry I am to read of your plight Joan. Of course, hubby wants to come home and I’m very sure that you want him to be with you but it doesn’t sound very practical. You have said you are not good at speaking up for yourself and clearly feel bullied but I’ve noticed you write fluently on here. Could you put your feelings down in writing in the form of a letter with copies to both the care people and your GP? I would be very polite, no point in getting their backs up. Explain that your concern is for the safety and wellbeing of your husband but your own circumstances (age, medical needs etc) mean you are not sure that you can guarantee this. Ask who will be with hubby when you have to leave the house. There will be times you need to visit the doctor or dentist or do some shopping. If the only option is for him to come home, will there be regular respite care for you to have a break?

I don’t know if the idea of writing it all down is helpful or not but it’s something for you to consider. Try and see your GP as well. If he says you won’t be able to cope it will probably carry more weight than anything you say.

Forgot to say Joan, what do your other children think of the situation, not just the one that lives nearest?

Thankyou names & AG.
Hoist wasn't mentoned just the thing called a steady but it too is biggish, I just can't see the carers coping with the small area left to work in when the bed is in place plus the other items that will be in the room !

Also I don't think a carpeted room is ideal for any possible accidents, he was dreadfully sick a few days ago, & he told me it was everywhere, then there are the regular nosebleeds he's had lately!
I will have to buy some linen for the said bed as I don't have enough, not to mention using the washing machine more often !!
Fingers crossed that I survive all this

I just wish "they" wouldn't make me feel as if I'm "in the way", my daughter is not happy with me because I don't think her dad should be coming home.

Sorry to be such a grump. but thank goodness for this wonderful thread, you are all such super people, I don't know what I would do without being able to unburden myself like this . <3

Joan.

Thats what we are all here for to support anyone that needs it <3

I’ve just looked up the Stedy. You’re right, it does take up room. Don’t know how they could use that to get hubby to the commode in the space you suggest. Clear floor space is needed to make the required turns.

Any carer using it would need the correct training. Not all carers have had the training to use this sort of equipment or kept their certificates up to date.

Joan you would need a lot of spare bedding as a daily change is on the cards as hubby can’t get himself to the commode when he needs to. Not everyone can perform to order ;-)

Joan you are in an awful situation and what a pity your daughter is unable to see that. Of course hubby wants to be home but he is forgetting how hard it would be to accommodate everything. And the hospital is encouraging him as they need beds. I had similar problems when T was in hospital but fortunately he was moved to a hospital that realised it was not possible. Vera’s suggestion is good, writing an explanatory letter you can think of the facts more clearly.
Feel free to come on here and rant. We understand and sympathise. <3

Afternoon all.
Big change in the weather here as its warmer at 6 degrees, raining and windy...back to the norm! Although snow is forecast next week for us.

Daughter is on her way home with a few things and goodness knows what she has been buying?Not sure what is for tea but shes bringing something yummy I hope.

No post, no phone calls from dad so very quiet here. Got the boiler gas safety cert yesterday so thats now gone to sol. Searches all done etc so just the local authorities to complete their things and thats it. So glad its all going smoothly!

Have been working away on a family tree and really got a lot done today...no distractions.

Hope everyone else is well and keeping warm.

Florence in the hebrides

Hello all,

It's good that things are progressing on the flat sale front for you I hope it all continues to go smoothly .

Joan , I hope you are feeling ok today, I can't add anything really as others here have given some good advice re you speaking to your GP. I agree with writing down how you feel and any questions you may have, I do this if I am going to the hospital or GPs either for myself or OH. Although OH doesn't have dementia he has had short term memory loss for a long time now so I go to appointments with him.
Your needs are as important as your OH and if you can't look after him safely then you have a right to say so as you will be the only with him for the majority of the day and all night. I hope your daughter understands how hard this is for you. My best wishes go to you and your OH.

To everyone looking in have a good weekend and stay warm.

Ginnie.

Good morning 0 degrees out there and low cloud, no frost. forecast is for it getting colder.
Being picked up at 1045 to go to the local community centre for the meeting of people interested in a new U3a group MOTO (Members on their own). To discuss ideas for meeting for coffee and chat on Saturdays. the worst days if you are on your own are the weekends. Even if you go out everyone seems to be with somebody.
glad the boiler is certified now Florence. Hope it can all progress now. Hope daughter brought something tasty for tea.

Good morning, from a very frosty Yorkshire.
It is the monthly community litter pick today, but we will have to miss it. It is OH’s birthday on Wednesday, so we are going out for a pub lunch today with my daughter and the girls. I have hardly been out since New Year, because of the horrible flu type bug, so it will make a nice change. I will take cough lozenges and a bottle of water in case I have a coughing fit.

I hope everyone looking in is OK, especially Joan.

good morning all, fairly bright out there but still only 3 degrees. I went back to sleep and woke at 9am so it is a good job I have nothing planned for today.

Linda enjoy your meal out, hope all are well and able to go and that your cough doesn't start. good idea to take a bottle of water with you.

Joan, thinking of you and hubby, hope you can reach an agreeable solution to things soon.
Florence Sounds as if things will soon be wrapped up with the flat. I am sure that will be a lot off your mind then.

JG short term memory loss can be frustrating both for the person and their partner. Daughter's OH is 70 next month, his short term memory is already really bad. The number of times he asks where to find things in my house, even after being away for a couple of weeks, is really frustrating. However it really doesn't seem to bother him and sometimes he asks where something is before he has even tried to locate it. and That is frustrating. (not to him). :-) :-)

Good morning to you all.
A nice bright & almost sunny day here, a bit chilly though, no snow just rain through the night.
A few minutes ago I popped outside to plant up 3 lovely Primroses into the border in front garden, I knwo I must be mad, there are many out there that thinks so, lol,

i bought them on Thursday in Morrisons, just 75 p each & they are just beautiful, just thought I would get them planted up before the snow comes !
Whilst outside I noticed a bunch of Snowdrops already in flower, that really cheered me up, there are many more clumps to come up yet though.
I also saw some Daffies peeping through as well.

Florence I do hope the flat is sold very soon.

Linda, I hope your house sale etc is all done & dusted soon as well,I don't think I could cope with selling or moving house now, it was bad enough near 40 yrs ago !

I hope everyone is ok & the weather where you are is not goin to be too bad.
Thanking everyone for the kind words & thoughts during after my recent input about hubby etc. It means soo much.

Joan.

Afternoon everyone.

Cold day here with sleety showers, def think the snow is coming later brrrr.Its also very windy and no ferries maybe until Tuesday!! That's the day my Tesco order is coming....hopefully.

My Amaryllis has fully bloomed and is a lovely shade of red, absolutely beautiful. The other plant pot with the 3 bulbs in my friend brought me after xmas has also bloomed and there are many little white flowers like mini dafs. I still have a carnation outside in bloom and leaves on 2 roses plants....bonkers.

Started writing up friends family tree yesterday and have made good progress. Really want to finish it by mid week and get it posted to her.

Linda, hope your sale will go as smoothly as is ours so far and happy packing!

Joan, glad you got outside into your garden. That's your happy place :-D Amazing isn't how the spring bulbs are already peeping through. I just love it when the garden springs back to life with colour after the winter although we are still in January and Winter!

Right heavy shower now and turning to snow so going to sign off and make a cuppa whilst i still can.

AG Annin Gloucs, JG and everyone else. stay warm and cosy

Florence in the hebrides

Hi Florence, I do hope you get your Tesco delivery on time, as for the snow sorry butyou can keep it to yourself, I hate snow.

I wish I could have stayed outside for a bit longer than planting up 3 primroses, but it is rather cold the sun is out at thr moment giving us a very bright day, just no heat, lol.
I did notice a few buds on the newly planted Clematus plants as well, which really did surprise me as I didn't get them planted until about November early December.

I spoke to hubby this morning but he wasn't feeling too good, it would appear that he has an infection, & he is clearly feeling off it & has been sick.
Our daughter said when she spoke to him via video call yesterday he seemed confused & obviously not right, & managed to get hubby to use his buzzer so as to get his nurse go to him, then daughter told her she thought there was an issue with her dad acting strangely, the nurse did some observations etc getting back to daghter later on to say he had an infection !

When I spoke to him today he sounded unwell & very sleepy, he didn't want to talk & so I let him go, such a worry.

I hope all is well with you all, & the weather is not being too unkind, keep warm everyone.

Joan.

Just popped back on as the snow has stopped, electric is still on yay!!

Joan, sounds like your hubby may have a UTI as that can cause a temp and also make people disorientated and confused. Sadly if a catheter is being used, its very common for patients to get a Urine infection. Hopefully they will do some tests and get him on correct neds to clear it. Hope he does feel better soon.

But one thing is for sure, until he is stable, he won't be getting discharged anytime soon. He is in the right place for now and being looked after.

Yes I hope I will get my delivery too as my freezer and fridge are running down fast. We have been using up and now its very depleted although i have a good supply of rice, pasta and a few sauces. Just have no chicken breasts left and i dont eat any other meat!

Still I have plenty of cheese and a cauliflower and a few carrots so can make a veggie bake. Daughter forgot to bring home pizzas on Friday grrrr. We moan but we wont starve.

Heating going on now so we shall be toasty later when watching the tv. Call the midwife on tonight, that's one of my fav programmes.

I'm off to read my new book. Its by Richard Osman. The Thursday Murder Club. Its set in the south of England around Robertsbridge, an area I knew well.

Take care all

Florence in the hebrides

I am really sorry that your husband is so ill Joan, hopefully they can treat it and get him stable again.

We went out for Sunday lunch to a very nice pub, but unfortunately it was dog friendly. I understand why they do it, as they need to get in every penny they can these days. Everything was fine at first, Esme was having a lovely time, but then a family came in with a dog and instead of putting it under the table, they let it sit in the aisle. To be fair, it was very docile and not causing any problems, but Esme is absolutely terrified of dogs. We had been there about twenty five minutes and our food was just about to come out, but we had to move, especially as a second dog came into the room. Poor Esme instantly had a tummy ache, head ache and was whinging to go home. The only other table which was big enough for the five of us was an isolated one near the door. So as people were coming in and out we were blasted with cold air. We managed to eat our meal, but she was just desperate to leave, so we went straight back without desert and had the Peppa Pig birthday cake she had chosen for grandad.

The last time we went out for Sunday lunch, we had the same problem with dogs, so I think in future we are going to have to stick with places which don’t allow dogs in, or at least have a non dog friendly room.

Well, is everyone warm enough? It is freezing here but we don’t have any snow yet unlike Scotland.
Keep safe everyone